How do you feel about this?

Parentberries
1

Okay, so I scratched my head over whether this was appropriate to ask here; but I am curious for responses.

Before I jump right on in, this isn’t a judgmental question, its more me feeling rather sad and concerned for the person in question.

My step-cousin, who is six months or so younger than me always had the freedom to do whatever she liked, her mum and step-dad as well as my uncle never really reined her in (And my aunt wasn’t really allowed to get involved.) So throughout her early teen years, she wandered the streets, doing whatever she pleased. She drank heavily, partied, barely attended school, and left skyrocketing phone bills.

My aunt died of a stroke when I was about fifteen, so my step-cousin was fourteenish, and while I rarely saw her, I did see her for one of the last times at the funeral. Unfortunately her step-father also died that same year after committing suicide, which would have been incredibly hard for her, especially since it was her half-brother’s dad.

Earlier this year (at eighteen,) she had a baby with her 23/24 year-old boyfriend, and we received a text from my uncle, saying that he was now a granddad. We never really expected to be kept in the loop as we rarely saw her and my uncle was my auntie’s defacto.

The strange thing is my step-cousin has facebook (though she deleted me after the birth) but her new baby girl doesn’t exist. Her facebook is covered in pictures of her nights at clubs and parties; but none of her daughter, I know this because its completely public.

As I said, this isn’t me being judgmental, I just know she kept the baby. So I find it a bit unusual. I suppose it doesn’t really fit into what her friends are doing. But it seems like she’s ashamed of her own child or that her mother cares for the baby so she can continue living this lifestyle she lived before which troubles me. I get that for some generations this is not something that would bother anyone, but she’s an incredibly vocal person and that’s why it surprises me.

2

Unfortunately, when girls have babies young, this sometimes happens. Sounds like your step cousin wasn’t ready to become a mother and her pregnancy was most likely accidental. Her mother is probably taking care of her baby while she parties. Very sad, really.

3

It is sad, but preferable to her bringing the baby along to nightclubs or posting photos of the baby in bars and stuff, right? It is hard to imagine that she is doing much of the care taking if she is going out regularly, but without really being in her life, it’s not possible to know if perhaps she is just going out after the baby is asleep or something. Maybe she doesn’t post photos of the baby b.c she wants to keep her baby off the Internet? I have some friends who are very involved with their children who don’t post photos of them to social media.

These all seem like unlikely explanations to me, and I understand your concern. If there is a way for you to reach out to her and help her find her way through this, that would be a good thing.

4

It is sad that she has had such a rough upbringing and now has a child while she is still so young. Still, as @tarynkay said, there are people who don’t post any pictures of their children for various reasons. My step-brother and my best friend are both opposed to pictures of their children going on social media.

The other thing is that at that ages especially, social media is really about crafting the image of your self. I have some college-age cousins, and based on their FB pages, it looks like all they do is party and drink. When you actually talk to them, they are at the top of their class and very motivated, but they use FB to post an image of how much fun they’re having. It sounds like your relative has a lot of crazy stuff in her life, but it is possible she is making her FB profile reflect that of her friends, while keeping the life with the baby separate. Let’s hope she matures quickly, anyway…