How do you handle name rejection?

General Name Discussion
1

By that I mean several things…

  1. the negative reactions you get to a name you really love
  2. the reactions you get to being on Nameberry
  3. friends and family who don’t understand your love for names and your desire to discuss them, even if you’re not pregnant
  4. this is kind of the same as number three, but with your spouse or significant other

I’ve been feeling really down lately (it’s that time of the month so I’m sure it’s at least partially hormonal) about the reactions I’ve been getting from people [name]IRL[/name] after I discovered Nameberry. There’s my in-laws, who literally laughed out loud at me for liking [name]Narnia[/name] [name]Rose[/name] and who make the inevitable “what is she THINKING” faces whenever any name I love is mentioned. There’s my friends who don’t understand my “obsession” with names and tell me I need to either have a baby already or get over it :confused:

But the hardest part is my husband. (I’m going to pour my heart out for a minute you guys, you’ve been warned.) I absolutely love my husband, he’s my best friend. But he does not get this name thing…it kinda freaks him out. He’s okay with maybe one name conversation a month. Maybe. I have tried every way I know to make it fun and non-stressful for him, but it’s not working and so I’m just left feeling like I shouldn’t talk about it at all. He says that when we’re pregnant, it will be totally different, but he doesn’t understand my desire to talk about names when there’s not a child in our immediate future. I don’t know how to explain why it’s important to me that I can share this with him. He’s not being mean, just practical and confused by my daydreaming.

[name]Do[/name] you fellow berries encounter these types of rejection? [name]How[/name] do you deal with them? [name]Do[/name] any of you have an SO that is reluctant to discuss names? Did anyone have a situation like this that they were able to work through, and if so, how did you do it?

Thanks for helping a girl out :slight_smile:

2

I managed to keep my interest in names under wraps for years, but then I won a sort of contest re: baby name predictions and analysis and got a bit of publicity for it. The reactions were all quite amused-- no one could believe, at all, that I had this as a hobby. I’m writing a postapocalyptic zombie novel, and that was taken with equanimity as something I might do, but not baby names! There was a lot of eye-rolling, let me tell you.

When I was gestating an actual human child who needed an actual name, my husband was still adamantly uninterested in discussing them. The only constructive comment he made was that giving a child three given names in the US was pretentious and he wouldn’t permit it. Otherwise, literally every name he suggested was a joke (usually a scatalogical joke).

Of all that to say, I feel you.

I think you can approach this interest in naming from many angles. Part of it is the fantasy of a family, but a much larger part is sociology, psychology, anthropology, literature, history, world religion, and linguistics. If you let that rather analytical side dominate you might find naming/ onomastics enjoyable as a purely solitary pursuit. You probably won’t get your husband interested, and that’s really OK. Married couples do have different hobbies, and that’s healthy.

3

Most people don’t know how much I love names. My boyfriend knows, but I honestly think he believes it’s just because I want a baby. It’s not, though that’s certainly part of it. I don’t have to explain to any of you that my love for names isn’t as simple as a baby craving. I loved names since I was very young. I started collecting baby naming books from second hand bookstores when I was 12 maybe.

My mum knows I read name blogs, but again, I think she believes I’m planning ahead for future babies. Again, that’s part of it, but not all of it. I just let people believe whatever they like. I’ve tried to discuss names with a couple friends, my mum, my grandma and of course my poor, patient boyfriend. I have one friend who is interested in languages, and we can have some interesting conversations about names, but other than that, I’m usually met with “are you pregnant?”, “when are you going to have a baby?”, or “I can’t wait for you to have a baby.” Sigh. I’ve finally accepted that I have to go online to talk to other people about names. This is where I go to feed my strange little hobby.

Dealing with negative reactions to names I really love is a hard one. I don’t think I’ll be sharing names I love that I want to use for a future child, because the love for those names is deeper than the love I have for other names. [name]Isabeau[/name] is a name I’ve loved since… honestly I’ve loved it so long I don’t remember when it started. Ladyhawke would be my best guess. I don’t know that I’d use it for a child, but I have very strong feelings towards this name. I can’t even explain it. I’ve shared it with three people. My mum, who responded with a “Hmm…” quickly covered by “it’s interesting” when she saw my heart shatter into a million pieces. My best friend mulled it over for a few minutes and then said she quite liked it. My boyfriend also likes it, thank goodness! Anyway, my point is, I’m much too attached to this name to deal with negative reactions from the people I love. I’ve decided to handle this by not sharing the names I really love with them. If I use them for a baby someday, they’ll learn about it when they’re looking at the baby.

I think the most important thing to remember is that we don’t have to be able to talk about everything with our partners. I know sometimes my eyes glaze over when my boyfriend starts talking about the mechanics of his bike, and which new piece he’s ordering that’s going to make it better than ever. I don’t think he understands the name thing at all. In fact, I know he doesn’t. He humors me, for a few minutes, and then he starts looking bored, or turns the tv on and is so distracted I may as well talk to the wall. Sometimes I keep talking. “Did you know this name means such-and-such?”, “Oh my, doesn’t this name just sound delicious with this name?” etc. He nods. A lot. [name]Every[/name] once in a while, he seems to wake up and say “we are not naming the baby that!” So, I guess he is listening. But again, he thinks these names are all baby names and most aren’t.

In a perfect world, he’d love names as much as I do and we could cuddle on the couch nerding out about names. He’d want my opinion on name combos, or want to discuss name trends, or want to tell me about a new name he discovered. That’s never going to happen. Yes, it would be wonderful to be able to share something we care about this much with them; but that’s just not the person we fell in love with.

I’m glad I found a little spot on the internet where I fit in, but for now at least, there’s no real person I can talk to about names.

4

I dot expect anyone to understand my love for names, and the few people I have brought it up to have showed limited interest. If they actually do share names that they like, it’s always something boring and generic. For this reason I just keep my naming obsession under wraps. I almost prefer it that way. I tend to be an open book, so having this little secret all to myself is actually kind of fun!

5

My fiancé does a lot of eye rolling, and at first it bothered me, but now I don’t care. We like different things, so what? My family thinks it’s silly to pick names for a child no where near existing yet, but I like it. I may change my mind when I’m actually pregnant and have to name a real person, but for now, this is a fun hobby.

I should add that even though he rolls his eyes, he always listens to my latest name adventure. He is a wonderful man! Got blessed with him for sure.

6

My husband has picked a girl and boy name combo with me, and doesn’t understand why we need a list with any more names at this stage lol.
But I’m very lucky, he seems to understand my interest and will tell me if he sees a name he likes in the credits, for example. But usually shoots down names I love like [name]Nora[/name] or [name]Imogen[/name].

7

My boyfriend shot down [name]Phoebe[/name] as being ‘too unusual’. In the rare conversations we’ve had over names, I’ve established he likes traditional names, which I’m fine with, and likes nicknaming, which again I’m fine with. Only problem is a lot of his suggestions are pretty dated, like [name]Jennifer[/name] or [name]Katie[/name] (though he’d go with [name]Katherine[/name] as a full name, so I could call her something different if I wanted). Oh, and no Irish names apparently. And coupled with an awkward surname, we could have problems. Though he does like [name]Anna[/name], which is good.

8

Sleepysessha – Like [name]Blade[/name], I feel you too – and obviously you find a lot of company on Nameberry. That passion for names, and the laughs and eye-rolling (and worse) you get from most people about it, is the whole reason there is a Nameberry. For years I kept my interest in names totally secret because I thought I was a freak. It wasn’t really until I was having a baby that I “came out” and that’s when [name]Linda[/name] and I, who were already friends and both writers, discovered our mutual interest.

It’s not really about naming a baby. In some ways, naming a baby is frustrating for a name lover, because you’ve got to think about all kinds of real world things like last names and other people you’ve met with the name and what your spouse might think. [name]Kinda[/name] takes away some of the fun.

I know that a big reason I’ve been happy to write about names as long as I/we have is that I get to feel like I’m indulging in my favorite childhood game and get huge confirmation from the world for it. Nameberry has only made it more enjoyable as I/we’ve discovered all of you. I guess I would say, like a lot of other interests and hobbies and passions, you’re not going to find a large number of people to share it with, even among those you otherwise like and love best. It hurts when people make you feel like you’re weird – they don’t do that if you love, say, the [name]Green[/name] [name]Bay[/name] Packers (my husband’s passion) or designer clothes! But as [name]Blade[/name] says, names draw in a lot of other aspects and at least here you’ll find lots of people who get you completely and an outlet for your interest.

9

I feel for you, sweetie. I’ve always loved names, and been open about it, at least with my family and close friends. We’ve always been picking out names for future babies! My parents have always found it endearing and a bit quirky, but for me it really goes hand in hand with art, history, mythology, literature and writing. I want to know as much as I can, and names are fascinating.

my boyfriend didn’t know it was a slight obsession until I got pregnant, we’d only been together for about a year when it happened accidentally. But I don’t think he finds it too weird. I doubt he’d be very interested in talking names with me if it wasn’t for the baby. And in the beginning he was not giving it a lot of attention, he suggested Fearn, [name]Bob[/name] and [name]Bruce[/name] in the beginning ([name]Dylan[/name] and Springsteen, and Fearn [name]Cotton[/name] was constantly in the newspapers.).

I know a lot of people find it weird, that’s why nameberry is so great, and you don’t have to worry about your friends trashing or stealing your names. It does suck though, no one wants to feel that their interests are being labeled as weird and rejected. I agree with blade though, I think it’s healthy when couples have different interests!

I’m sorry you feel down, I’ve been having a rough few days as well, so lots of hugs!

10

1./2. had some of this for my the weirder names I like… [name]Misha[/name]/[name]Emrys[/name]/Nimueh. [name]Don[/name]'t think I’d end up using them, though, so its never bothered me much.

  1. My family doesn’t know. I think my parents would be a little freaked out because I’m young (21). My two best friends have discussed some of their favorites with me in passing, but it was really more about finding out what they like than getting their opinions on mine. That’s not because I don’t want their opinions, its because I plan to wait until I’m actually having the baby. I want to be able to stick to my naming guns, so to speak, and hearing negative thoughts from real people would be harder for me.

  2. My significant boyfriend knows that I talk about names on forums, and he’s asked me about them before. He’s not particularly interested in them himself, though he does like and dislike some. His opinions have affected my list some, though I’m not really ready to share everything with him.

11

Yeah, people in general don’t understand my fascination with names, never have. The few people who ever did get it are gone/passed away. This is one of the main reasons I enjoy hanging out on forums such as this. It became ever greater of a need when I actually had a child to name and had no one really to bounce ideas off of. Well there were people but in general their input was poor and/or unwanted, I never had so many ‘stripper names’ suggested to me in all seriousness and at the same time ragging on the names I liked. If I had this to do over again, I wouldn’t even bring up the topic of names with said folks, people can be so negative. I took the task of naming a child very much to heart, the history and etymology of names is important to me and most folks didn’t get that, couldn’t understand why I’d dismiss a name if it had a poor meaning or bad association as long as it sounded pretty to them. I’ve gathered so much info in my notebooks over the years on names I could write a freaking book, I’m sure if anyone ran across the notebooks they’d think I was insane. Well, one person did run across one of my notebooks, and took it to mean I had some kind of duplicitous plot schemed, no, I just like collecting and making lists of names I find interesting.

It doesn’t bother me if people on the internet dislike names I like, there’s no reason to take that personally. It does however sting when in real life you tell people a name you really love and they wrinkle their noses and go on about how much they dislike or hate it, apparently without realizing how much it means to you. Doubly so if it is a name you’ve loved since childhood and/or is a name of a family member you adored.

12

My husband probably just thinks it’s just another silly nerdy thing about me since I’m obsessed and yet have no plans to have children. I don’t really talk about it with him much though, aside from reading names out loud that I find particularly surprising–can’t help myself! When we finish a movie I can’t help but read the names in the credits and names that are interesting I read out. Same with advertisements or any other list of names.

I guess I’m lucky that most of my family thinks it’s totally something I would do so they aren’t surprised and they don’t think I’m crazy.

My mother just thinks she can convince me to have a kid just for the pure pleasure of naming! Not much chance of that, if that’s all I was interested in I’d get a cat.

I don’t go around expressing my adoration of names to every person I meet though. I guess if you’re getting hassled just cool it a bit. I wouldn’t want to talk constantly about something I wasn’t interested in either. It’s not a betrayal of my husband if I don’t engage in baseball talk twice a week.

13

  1. The negative reactions you get to a name you really love
    Depending on who I get the negative reaction from, and how it is said. As long as someone isn’t just flat-out rude about it, I can take it in stride. I don’t mind if someone says something like “That’s an old lady name.” or “I was picked on by a mean girl named that.” What I don’t like is if someone were to make a sweeping assumption about all people with a given name or say something distasteful like “It’s child abuse to name your daughter (insert name)!” Sorry, but you [name]DO[/name] NOT joke or make light of abuse/exploitation of people. It is a very serious matter to me, and I suspect when people say things like that, it’s because they don’t know the meaning of the word “abuse” or are guilty of being an abuser themselves. Um, sorry, rant over.

  2. The reactions you get to being on Nameberry
    Most people don’t know I’m here. Other than my BF and some immediate family members, I keep it on the down low. It’s not because I fear people will think I’m desperate to get pregnant or something weird like that, I just think it’s easier not to explain why I love names so much to people I don’t know as well. They generally don’t get it.

  3. Friends and family who don’t understand your love for names and your desire to discuss them, even if you’re not pregnant
    The people I regularly associate with who wouldn’t “get it” never hear about names. I’m selective with who I talk names with; if they like more trendy or mega-popular names and think I’m weird for loving the name [name]Lilith[/name], that’s okay, I understand. I know my friends and family would never be rude about it, but I just find it easier not to talk names with some people. My love of names is almost exclusively kept online, save a few very close people to me.

  4. With your spouse or significant other
    The person outside of Nameberry I talk about names with the most. I don’t really know where he stands, as far as name tastes. He generally doesn’t talk about what names he likes much, unless maybe there’s a character in a movie, TV show or video game that has a name that he “thinks is nice/cute”. So far, all I’ve got out of him is [name]Lilith[/name], [name]Phoebe[/name], [name]Mallory[/name], and [name]Millie[/name]. (the last name being the most recent, after a character in a movie named [name]Mildred[/name]. He mentioned that [name]Mildred[/name] was too “old lady” [and I agree] but that [name]Millie[/name] “was cute”) I haven’t got a clue where he stands on boy names. Generally, when names get brought up it’s about what names I like. I can never get a straight answer out of him; most of the time he will [half-jokingly] say what it reminds him of, but not whether he likes it or not. (with the exception of boy names like [name]Vincent[/name] [too [name]Vincent[/name] McMahon, he says] or [name]Raphael[/name] [too Ninja Turtles, he says])

14

I told my husband “I wish naming peoples kids was a job. That would be a dream job!” So he gets it that I don’t want 100 kids just cause I love 100 names!
I also will read posts to get his opinion on name problems…another way to show him naming boards don’t necessarily equal baby fever!

I think name obsession can put off the men in our lives if they think it means we are obsessing over having tons of actual children to name!

My mom loves talking names but most of my friends enjoyed the topic while I was actually pregnant but I don’t bring it up much now…aside from always asking the name of new babies in their lives! For me name talk is what nameberry is for!

I am lucky to have a husband who seems to find it somewhat interesting. When we talk names it’s mostly trend forecasting or I will ask him something like “if someone likes [name]Felix[/name] what else do you think they would like?” So it’s not about our future which might feel like too much pressure.

15

My SO will just not tell me what names he likes! It is highly frustrating! [name]How[/name] can I ever narrow down on something if I don’t know what he likes?! Other than that I don’t need him for my obsession.

I have resorted to trade-offs… if he wants something from me, he has to give me a [name]NEW[/name] name he likes. I manage to get maybe one a month, but it feels like a true victory :slight_smile:

Try not to let these things bother you… and I like the sounds of [name]Narnia[/name] [name]Rose[/name]!

16

  1. Negative reactions to a name I really love
    Eh, I don’t really care. I mean, I know my taste isn’t ridiculously out there, or anything, so I never feel like others are ridiculing my choices. So I don’t really care. I find it interesting how differently people can view the same name, so it’s interesting for me to read. I also gain new insight to the name.
    I do have one friend who annoys me with her reactions though, she’s young, so I don’t really blame her for it, but she’ll be obnoxious about it. So I just stopped telling her.

  2. Reactions I get to being on nameberry
    I get none, because I tell no one. Well, my boyfriend is well aware and he has no issues with it.

  3. Friends/Family who don’t understand
    My mother pretty much dislikes it, because she sees it as a waste of time. So I stopped mentioning it around her years ago. It’s funny because she has a lot of friends who are having babies, and whenever it rolls around to names there I am with my mental knowledge and everyone’s just like “OMG wow! You’re so smart. [name]How[/name] do you know that?!”, it’s kind of patronizing, but it’s nice to be appreciated.
    My mother’s being rather hypocritical though because she herself went through a whole naming journey and everything.
    My father thinks it’s dumb, he says I’m just like my mother.
    I have a friend as mentioned above who thinks it’s weird, she calls me wikipedia because I have random knowledge on things that are pretty irrelevant to most people. She gets obnoxious in dismissing it, I feel like smacking her at times but I just stop talking about it to her instead. I mean, I won’t mention anything remotely related to names around her.

  4. With my SO
    He likes that I’m into names. He finds it cute, which is weird because I thought he’d be weirded out.
    He’ll ask me for updates, but when it comes to names he doesn’t like, he’s never rude. He’ll just say he doesn’t like, sometimes he’ll come around, but sometimes he doesn’t. I just stick it on my list anyways. :stuck_out_tongue:

That’s my experience.

Now, as for yours. I’m sorry that you’re feeling that way, and that your SO and family aren’t supportive.
I think the best way to explain to them, is to go academic. Explain your interest in either language/words/lingustics/society etc. And how names ties into it. My go to explanation is that I’m interested in Language and lingustics, and names are my favourite section. I’ll pull out a story about how I always read a lot and came up with stories to write and so name interest just formed as I grew up etc.
There’s legitimate studies on names, and the like so you can pull a few facts out, talk about meanings, etc. I think if you have it as a legitimate hobby, people are more accepting.
I mean, shoot, people collect bottlecaps, stamps, cans. You collect information on names. Hardly that weird.

If that doesn’t work, then refrain from talking to others about it. That’s what nameberry’s for! I get most of my naming kicks on here anyways.

17

Thank you all so much for your responses! [name]Reading[/name] through them has really helped me sift through and understand my own feelings on the subject.

Part of the name rejection from family and friends issues come from the fact that I grew up on the east coast and now live with my husband on the west coast. It’s a whole different culture out here and my family and friends are miles away. My in-laws are wonderful, but they require some adjustment, as they are very traditional and conservative and I’m…not. I had a feeling they were going to take issue with my naming preferences, but didn’t realize how bad until a conversation where my sister-in-law, a teacher, mentioned one of her students was named Aslan. Of course I immediately gushed over the name…and the rest of the family reacted with shock bordering on disgust. At this point my darling husband decides to tell them that I wanted to name a daughter [name]Narnia[/name] [name]Rose[/name] (the name we have had our most heated discussions over…discussions that probably never would have reached resolution if I hadn’t discovered that he loves [name]Caspian[/name] as much as I do, and seen the wisdom of no more than one Narnian name in the family). Tact is not his forte. Needless to say, the family was incredulous, and I was mortified.

All this to say, very few people know about my name obsession (if you don’t count the fact that I was outed to my in-laws) which potentially makes it more of a big deal when they don’t understand.

However!

Your responses just go to show that I am not alone in this passion of mine, and that there is a whole community of like-minded people here on Nameberry. I can’t make my husband get excited about something that doesn’t interest him…what I can do is talk with him when he is open to it, and come here when he’s not :slight_smile: I think just knowing that so many of you go through the same things makes me feel validated, and therefore more at peace with the way things are. Especially the part about it being more than just baby fever! Name-loving is a lifelong thing for me, and the fact that I can look forward to having a child in a few years has revived that passion, not created it :slight_smile:

18

When I was in jr high my parents sat me down and grilled me “Is there something you need to tell us?” I was clueless and here they found several baby name books/pamphlets in my room and was worried I was pregnant. They were dumbfounded when I told them I just loved names and acted like it was a weird thing to be “into”. :wink: (Sidenote: When I was younger they would sell small pamphlets on babynames in the checkout aisle of grocery stores)

My friends all know of my obsession, my DH likes names to a degree but notnearly to what I do. I stopped telling irl people name considerations when I am pregnant due to the rude comments we heard after we did choose [name]Seb[/name]'s name after finding out we were having a boy. I also realise that my friend with a daughter named [name]Caitlyn[/name] and a son named [name]David[/name] is not going to “get” or even like what I name my kids and thats ok. Which is why we wait until after they are birn to announce the name. :wink: As amom, I used to let random comments bother me about anything parenting related included my kids names but now, eh, not so much. I “found” nameberry this summer around the same time I found out I was pregnant so its been a nice outlet to pour over names with other people, especially those who will understand why I love the names [name]Wolfgang[/name] or [name]Peregrine[/name], and while my style isnt the same as every single person I do find that I get positive feedbavk at least which is nice.

All this to say, love of names is a wonderful hobby and welcome to this very cool club. :slight_smile:

19

I hear you! I have baby fever, admittedly, however, I have always been a name nerd. I LOVED naming characters; that’s probably why I abandoned so many stories when I was younger. Once the names were set, the fun was over, haha.

I think nameberry is an amazing place and will definitely pay off in the long run, despite any teasing you may receive. Users here tend to think long and hard about names, regardless if it’s [name]Sophia[/name] or [name]Artemis[/name]. Example: I was talking with my mom and mentioned I liked the name [name]Lyra[/name] if I had a daughter. She said “That’s pretty,” then later “hinted” that it’s important to think about how a name could become tease-worthy. “I know, MOM,” I said (I still joke with her like I’m a teenager). “[name]Lyra[/name] liar. I already know.” Being on here, you hear it ALL. And I think that is a good thing and a little different from hearing it in “real life.”

I have received the nose wrinkles from friends on everything from the fairly innocent [name]Gwendolen[/name] to the more “unusual” [name]Kerensa[/name] to [name]Morgan[/name] on a boy to [name]Desmond[/name] and [name]William[/name]. My husband and I have chosen our top names and decided that everyone will find out after the baby is born. The end! In the meantime, I can still talk about names back and forth on here. Only worry about what you can control! :slight_smile:

20

By that I mean several things…

  1. the negative reactions you get to a name you really love: Doesn’t faze me, I love hearing others opinions, but in the end I have to go with what I like. I have TONS of very unusual names, and most people think they are silly or crazy and that no kid would like them. That’s not true, yes it’s possible a child named say [name]Tennessee[/name] would hate their name, but then again so could a kid named [name]Alice[/name]. You don’t know what you child would like for a name or how they will react regardless of the name you choose. I wouldn’t name a child something I wouldn’t even want to be called.
  2. the reactions you get to being on Nameberry: Same as above. I love names with meaning behind them ,and most of mine even off the wall type ones do.
  3. friends and family who don’t understand your love for names and your desire to discuss them, even if you’re not pregnant: They don’t get it, but some of them do cause they do the same thing
  4. this is kind of the same as number three, but with your spouse or significant other: none yet…