I want to hide the name of my next baby. The reason why is that I tend to be hormonal and tired and unable to cope with much at the end of pregnancy. And I have had before where I loved a name, but then was so torn down over the name that I gave in and named the baby something else.
I have considered lying about the gender, then the only names people will talk about will be for the other gender and I can seem seriously in to the conversations while holding the real name (and gender) a secret. I have considered a decoy name too. But oddly, even with the decoy name, I have had people get up in arms when I try to change a name choice at the end. For example, with my last baby, I said [name]Ava[/name]. But, I had said [name]Ava[/name] would be the name if I had a girl, and I had said that years ago. By the time I had her, [name]Ava[/name] was very common so I changed my mind. However, everyone kept saying “but you already named her!!!” and acted like I was flighty and could not make up my mind…when I was only 4 months pregnant…just because I said I did not want to do [name]Ava[/name] after all.
SO…I would love to hear everyones ideas about how they protected their names!!!
Specifically, my one sister is extra bossy. I love my little sister, but she could change her name to “bossy britches” she is so bossy. I know she has had some losses and such so I think it leads to this. And I am very close to her. But the name I really want to use is one that she really really hates. So I do not want her to know until the last second, as in, after the baby is born and has the name.
Well,
when I was pregnant with my first, my Husband and I told everyone that I was having girl (which was true). But we lied about the name. We told everyone that her name is going to be [name]Sage[/name] [name]Christine[/name]. When she was born and everyone was meeting her for the first time, we introduced her as [name]Violet[/name] [name]Angelina[/name]. And that’s just how we decided to do it.
I’m sure that you and your Husband will find a nice balance on what to do.
A good friend of mine encountered this problem as well. She told everyone the gender, but she and her husband were the only ones that knew the name. When asked what the names was, as everyone wants to know, she just smiled and said that was for her and [name]Joel[/name] to know and for everyone else to find out. Her mother didn’t particularly like the name she had chosen what was willing to accept it once she saw the baby, and the name fit him well. Your sister will be much less likely to kick up a fuss once the name is attached to a baby she can see!
Maybe you could come up with a decoy name most people would love and only talk about as well as the real name. Not sure of your name taste but lets say you like [name]Imogen[/name] [name]Clementine[/name], tell everyone you like [name]Sophia[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name] and [name]Imogen[/name] [name]Clementine[/name], let them fall in love with which ever one they like and talk about it, even be enthusiastic about it then use the one you love. I doubt people will tell you you made the wrong choice once the baby is here but they might and I’m not sure how that would make you feel
I think the best approach is to play coy and say “We have some options, but we haven’t decided yet.” Then, when the baby is born, introduce them with your chosen name.
I had with a child who was due mid [name]November[/name]…grandparents ordered the [name]Christmas[/name] stockings with the name embroidered on it. The name they picked was one that I only said was a top choice…not that it was the final choice. I gave in with that baby and thought I was stuck. I love the name [name]Signe[/name]. I plan to spell it with a Y instead of E to reduce confusion. My sister HATES the name. She hates it soo bad…she sat there and encouraged her daughters to rip the name to shreds. It was awful when they said everyone would call her Ciggy …as in…a word my parents used to call cigarettes when they chain smoked. They gave up smoking when Grandpa died of cancer. That laughed loudly and tried calling her [name]Sigmond[/name] and then said went on and on about Freud making up fake voices and being all animated. I was a week from my due date and had already bought pretty pink and flower letters with her name on it to hang up near her crib. I ended up returning the letters. That was after being given a hard time by a bunch of other relatives who all insisted that I had already named her [name]Ava[/name] by the time I was 4 months pregnant. Literally, driving home from the sonogram and calling to tell it was a girl, someone exclaimed “oh! its a little [name]Ava[/name]!” and I said “I am not thinking about using that name anymore” and was informed that I already picked that name and it was her name and I could not change it. Nuts! I think that is nuts!
So…when I am 9 months pregnant, I do not want to negotiate the name thing with people where it is none of their business. BUT, on the same token, I love certain people and sympathize with certain losses, but it does not give them a right to push me around.
The decoy name landed you in hot water before, so I’d stay away from that. I’d keep mum, though perhaps ask family to make suggestions (especially old sis bossypants). Who knows, you might even like their ideas! At least they feel involved and not like you have a name that you flat-out won’t disclose, which can lead to hurt feelings.
Also, is baby’s dad involved in any of this? You could always claim that he’s naming this baby, or something to that effect.
WOW at your sis! I’m so sorry you had to go through that! Maybe you would like Segolene (Ségolène) because it’s somewhat similar? It’s very political in [name]France[/name] because of Ségolène Royal but here it wouldn’t be, I believe it means sweet victory. You can listen to it on the link I provided,
After our experience with our oldest, we decided not to share name ideas with irl people.
So we say “We have ideas and are keeping them private and will decide after he or she is born”. If people press, I am fond of saying “Its our baby and we like the surprise of truly announcing the birth, name and all”. People can be rude and feel they need to know the gender and name/s, but what they do when pregnant is up to them, this is our choice and way of doing things.
You could say that you’re keeping the name a secret so it will be a surprise for everyone–make them think you’re doing it for them, to give them a nice surprise, in other words. If this would still open you up to too much pressure or a big confrontation, I’d simply say you are undecided and/or still looking for the perfect name. Invite people to make suggestions, even. That way, folks still get to feel like they are talking about names with you and “contributing” to your choice, and you can just sit back and smile sweetly.
Yeah I’ve learned the hard way that some people will have extremely negative reactions when you tell them what you are planning on or thinking about naming your child. I never would have imagined some people can get so butthurt over what someone else names their child.
A decoy name can come in handy if you know certain people are going to act obnoxious at your name choice and you’d rather have them hate on a name you don’t actually plan on using. But this can backfire as you well know.
That being said, you can always tell people you haven’t decided yet or will have to wait until your child is born to finalize the name, or ask them what names they suggest which will give them a chance to pontificate about name selection.
I would also avoid the decoy name approach, since picking a name that everyone likes (or at least gets used to) might lead (as you discovered) to uproar when a name they like less is eventually announced.
What if you made a game out of not telling? You could tell everyone the baby’s gender and then let people guess what the baby’s name will be. Perhaps at a certain point (once you are decided, or feeling very comfortable with your choice(s)), you could drop a hint of the first letter or the last letter or what the name means. They can distract themselves with trying to guess the name and give you some peace, haha. If anyone gets particularly pushy over finding it out, you can repeat what other pp’s suggested: “It’s a surprise for you! I felt so stressed over talking about names last time, but I might let you know if you guess correctly…”
We just say that we haven’t really decided, and then I usually will say, “maybe this or that” and give a few of our choices. Usually we don’t officially name the baby until we see it anyway, even if we know we are leaning towards a certain combo. Most people are polite enough to not say anything too negative, except sometimes my mom is a little baffled by our naming ideas.
The decoy name thing leads to people accusing you of lying… So I wouldn’t go that route. We dont spill the beans on our naming choices, or even our top contenders. However, we do allow family to make suggestion lists for us. We had a suggestion box at our house and it was fun throughout pregnancy to see what names (some serious, others clearly a joke) that our friends and family put in the box. Then after baby comes and the paperwork is filed, the name announcement is very exciting for everyone.
I would just give people a list of names and say you won’t be finalizing until the baby gets here. My husband and I are actually doing this right now (not because we don’t want to share but because we actually don’t know which name from out list we’re going to pick) and we haven’t gotten any negative feedback from anyone. So far everyone we’ve shared names with has just said which name or names from our list are their favorite.
Either lie and say you haven’t decided yet, or come up with a totally off-the-wall decoy fetus nickname to use in the meantime to distract everyone. In Shopaholic and [name]Baby[/name], the main character told her evil mother in law that they were going to use Pomegranate for a girl or Armageddon for a boy - or in my case, we referred to DD as Spud until birth, and my current bun in the oven is Taco.
And you know what? If your obnoxious sister nags you, be obnoxious right back and tell her she’ll find out when you’re ready to tell, and not before. Naming pressure is the stupidest thing, feel free to be tough in response.
Id definayely advise you to keep it a secret.
My first time around we didnt tell fam and friends. It was so much fun! I did slip to my mom a week before she was born. But I did it bc I wanted freedom to change the name at wim without people getting attached to what I ssid earlier.
My second one I told right away bc we were so excited, but later changed it and kept it a secret til birth.
Third baby, I had his name set from the beginning, but love a secret, so I called him [name]Baby[/name] J. When people asked I told them, youll have to wait but it will start with a J. I figured that way if I wanted to change it, I had freedom within one letter.
Next time im going to say its one of these 2 names: [name]Nola[/name] or [name]Mabel[/name] and [name]Emmett[/name] or [name]Felix[/name]…
Theres lots of different and Fun ways to keep it a secret, you could even make a game out of it. But id strongly advise not to let your chosen name be under scrutin. Unnecessary stress.
With my first we were truly undecided until pretty close to the end. It was pretty easy to just tell people that we really didn’t know and blame it on my husband for not liking baby name discussions. I think you can pretty easily play it like you’re really not sure, which is easier [name]IMO[/name] than picking a fake name. We kind of did the same thing with the second, even though we already knew what our boy name would be. If someone pressed me, I could share some of the thoughts we had about what kind of name we were looking for (one that works in English and Spanish, one that doesn’t have an “r” in it, etc.) and that was enough without getting into any actual names.
