We are TTC, but just only started.
We have had three pregnancies, but only one birth and our DD is only 10 months old. In every case, it was only about three months ttc before we conceived.
DH is on board for another soon, but I am worried that we should wait another 6-12mo before ttc or the children will be too close together or I won’t be able to handle it.
Thoughts?
(plus, DD is a perfect child, constantly happy. Everyone says that means #2 will be a handful!)
I will have 17 months between my two, by fate rather than design, although we have always liked the idea of the smaller gap.
I’m very sorry for your losses.
I would think it is just an old wives tale that your second will be more willful if your first is placid, I certainly wouldn’t let that sway you decision.
It took us eight months TTC to get pregnant with our first and we got pregnant the first month with our second, which was a bit of a surprise. My kids are just over two years apart and I found that age gap to be really intense in terms of meeting both children’s needs. My son also had a rough adjustment to the new baby and started acting out. Now that they’re both older they’re really close friends and play well together but it was a lot of work getting them to that point. We’re expecting a third and intentionally waited until my daughter was two years old to start TTC. She’ll be just about three when the baby is born. I’m hoping things will go smoother this time. If nothing else a three-year-old is able to do a lot more for themselves then a two-year-old. It’s a huge year in terms of their self care skills.
I do know other people who have smaller (or much larger) age gaps and love them. But I think when you have children closer in age it’s going to mean a lot more work at least while both kids are so young so it’s up to you if you feel that is worth the benefits. Also there is no way to predict if you’ll have another easy baby or even if your ten month old will remain an easy going child once she gets older. My daughter is still my “easy” child in terms of always being happy and fairly go with the flow but at two and a half she definitely has a mischievous side as well.
Have you spoken to your doctor about this? That is where I would start (for anyone, but especially with a history of pregnancy loss.) You may want to give your body more time to recover between pregnancies- the WHO recommends 3 to 5 years between births.
I do not know if your second child will be a handful or not, but I can say that an easy baby at ten months does not necessarily mean an easy toddler or preschooler. My son was very easy at ten months. He took two long naps a day, slept twelve hours at night, and was still just crawling (and thus not climbing, throwing things or running into traffic.) He is absolutely delightful at age three, but [name_m]WAY[/name_m] more work.
We will start TTC around [name_f]May[/name_f]-ish when my son is about 14 months old. We want them close in age, and this one will be our last. My pregnancy with my son was cake, in fact I had never been healthier. However, he was extremely high maintenance. He is getting better every day, but is still a handful. Also he is an awful sleeper. So I’m hoping the next baby is easy going, though I’m expecting the worst as far as pregnancy goes- I feel like it’s inpractical to think I’ll get lucky twice! We’re shooting for a 2 year age gap, though I know it could be more like 2 1/2 if it takes a while. 2-3 year gap would be perfect. I would just like to get the whole baby, no sleep, nursing 24/7, diapers phase over with!
I did a lot of observation of other families with multiple children. I asked a lot of ‘how far apart are they’ and ‘are they close to each other’ etc. For us, I think this gap will be good, even if it may be tough for a while. Everyone is different though 
I asked my doctor over the phone. She suggested that I wait until DD is two before even thinking about another. It is a good idea healthwise actually, especially since I went carb crazy after giving birth and have not gotten back into shape quite.
DH is older than I am, so I can see why he would rather have children now than get into his late 30s with a newborn. I think that 5 years between births would just be too much for me though, and wouldn’t allow the children to be close.
I guess I haven’t thought about DD’s personality changing as she grows, but I am sure she will be mischevious (if she is anything like I was!).
Thank you - and thank you to everyone who has responded so far!
There’s almost exactly a year between my girls. Second was completely unexpected. We had wanted to wait until our first was at least 2 before we started even trying but we got caught out. Wouldn’t change it for the world but man, it’s hard! We’re only almost 2 weeks in and I’m exhausted.
Although a lot of people like the 2 yr age gap (and I can understand it because after having a baby, a 2 yr old is really different and you might start to want another “baby” again), I have always felt it was the worst timing for the elder child. One pp mentioned it - 2 yr olds are more prone to baby jealousy and light years away from the self-sufficiency even of a 3 yr old. I like the 3 yr gap. Also, I think the ease of getting pregnant the second time may differ - it might be faster since your body “knows” what it’s supposed to do but it might take longer because you are more busy with a toddler and maybe not applying yourself to the task with the same frequency.
I have a nearly 2 year age gap between my #1 and #2 and then slightly over 2 years with my #2 and #3. I don’t know any other way, but it is pretty full on! I wanted my kids to be close in age and hopefully close in other ways too! They are very close and being all girls I expect it will be crazy at certain times of our lives. I wouldn’t change it though. I personally find 2 years old to be a very adaptable age. And accepting the new baby was never a problem at all. Seeing friends with older 1st siblings it seems that the 3/4/5 year olds are the ones who get a bit jealous and and bit of a handful. Whatever you do/choose it will be right for you. There are pros and cons for both sides and it will always be tough to have a new baby when you have other kids, no matter what their ages are. Good luck
I have a 4 year age gap between my 2 children, although I did miscarry in between (when my son was 2 and a half). This was a lovely age gap as my son was just starting school and wasn’t jealous and enjoyed helping out with his little sister. I am pregnant again and my son is now 10 and daughter 6. I wasn’t sure that I would have more and went to university, but now I have gotten older and me and OH decided we wanted another one. Both children are older and are really keen to help out, which is great.
We have also talked about having more children, so I am not sure this will be my last pregnancy, but I would make the age gap a little bit shorter, so that this child had someone to ‘play’ with, I would probably wait for a 3 year age gap, as children at age 2 are generally a little more hard work, as they still require lots of your time and attention.
Good luck
I had the same situation as @tarap. My son was 3 1/2 when we had our daughter, which turned out to be a blessing.
I actually have the opposite, quite a handful of a 13 month old. He’s great except that he’s an awful sleeper. We originally had wanted to ttc around the time you were thinking, before DS even turned 1. However, my husband was leery of that when he wasn’t sleeping through the night yet so we’re waiting until summer when DS will be about 18 months. If he’s STILL not sleeping through the night DH may have pulled all of his hair out and left the country Here’s to hoping that #2 will be a good sleeper!
In conversation, we always wanted a short distance between our kids, so they would all be close in age and we would do this whole young-child-parenting thing in one long fell swoop. But now that I’m actually pregnant, my husband has said that he doesn’t want to rush into the next one(s). I agree with him! I want to figure out what the heck I’m doing with one before I start on another. So unless fate throws a wrench into my plan (which obviously happens!), then I think I would want to wait until this little bundle is AT LEAST 2, so that way the second baby is born when the older one is about 3. Maybe even wait until the kid is 3, so s/he’s 4 when the baby is born.
But I don’t really feel qualified to talk about this since I have yet to birth and raise one, let alone more than one. 
We will have almost exactly two years between #1 and #2…I had wanted to do closer to 3 years but life had other plans.
Personally, I’ve always had a (hypothetical) preference for much larger age gaps, and so has my partner. There are almost thirteen years between my sister and I, and my partner is just over ten years older than her brother. We are currently thinking of having at least a four year age gap between children. Though that does require us to manage to have one first!
Our daughter was 2.5 when our son was born. We really like their age gap. When he was born she was old enough to get involved a little bit, and she really loved it! It’s hard sometimes when they’re both having a cranky day or they’ve not slept but it’s so worth it! My brother is roughly 2 years older and I’ve love the age gap we have, we were always really close and I’m glad my kids have a similar age gap!
I’ve never had kids (maybe someday), but my brother and I are only 18 months apart. I love that we are so close in age (only 1 school year) because we go through a lot of stuff together. We are very close. My mom says I was a horrible sleeper as a baby, but when my brother came along they were just too tired to deal with him so they let him self soothe and it worked out perfectly. So while it may seem hard, if you want your kids close in age, you’ll find a way to get around it. I’m so glad my brother and I are so close in age. I don’t think we would be nearly as close if he was 2-3 years younger. I’m in university now, he’s in grade 12, so I can sympathize with the whole applying to universities. If he were in grade 11 instead of 12, I don’t think we could possibly be as close. But you have to do what’s right for you!
There are four years between me and my sister and I’ve never liked it. Yes I can talk to her but she doesn’t understand anything I’m doing. She can’t even begin to help me with my homework and I can barely help with hers since it’s been four years since I’ve done it. We couldn’t wrestle, which is something I wanted to do because she was so much smaller than me. When I have kids I’m hoping for a 1-2 year age gap so my kids can have someone close in age. I haven’t raised a kid yet though so this is just my hypothetical two cents.
I’m just expecting #2, and my daughter is 20 months, so will be almost 2.5 when the next baby is born.
We actually started trying when she was around 7 months, but then took a break due to generally family school/job situations. I would have liked a smaller gap, but I’m not entirely sure a needy 18 month old + newborn would be something I could handle! Certainly not while I still in school, and although I was willing to give that up when we tried earlier, I’m glad I went back and hope to continue even with two kids. So it worked out, even though the thought of [name_f]Lillian[/name_f] having a sibling 18 months apart is nice. 26 months will work out just as well.
SO had the same gap with his older brother, and they have always been very close. Being 4 years older than my brother was VERY difficult for us both, but some of it could have been parenting and a rocky home life.
I think that after the second, we will have a bigger gap (either 3 years, or even 5-6), but who knows. I’m not a big planner. But 1 or 2 years would leave my kids either nb, 1 and 3 or nb, 2, and 4…I guess tHe second one doesn’t seem so bad.
We want 4 total but might stop at 3. I think at this point I’d be comfortable with 1&2 being close, a big gap, then 3&4 being close, or just 2 years between them all.
I am four years older than my little brother. We were always very close and we always got along well and played together. We shared a room for a long time because it waa impossible for my sister to share a room with me. My sister is about 2 years older than me and we never got along at all. I don’t think she really forgave me for being born until we were both adults. Now we are very close as adults and we talk nearly every day, but we definitely never were as children. In always assumed it was because we were born too close and were thus competing for the same things. Two is also a very jealous and often violent age- this has been my experience in babysitting. If I am babysitting a two year old plus new baby, I am going to be spending a lot of time keeping the two year old from hurting the baby.
It is always interesting to hear of the experience of others with this. I don’t think that sibling closeness or the lack thereof is just down to the mechanics of the age gap. Some siblings will just have clashing personalities. Parenting can improve or exacerbate this as well.