How long were you together before having a baby?

We had been together almost 9 ½ years when our son was born in [name]July[/name] last year. I am 27, he is 26 and we’ve been together since we were 16. We are engaged but both hate weddings! We’ll probably just elope one day!

My sister was with her boyfriend for 11 months before she got pregnant with my beautiful niece
My friend who’s fiance is currently pregnant have been together for a year and a half and he was with his first daughter’s mother for two years before she was pregnant
My soon to be goddaughter’s parents have been together for 7 years before they had [name]Sadie[/name]
I don’t think it’s important to be married before you have a child or even be with the father/mother of the child I think the only thing that’s important in having a child is that you are ready to be a parent, none of the people I have mentioned are married, though two of the couples are engaged but that’s because they’re in love not because they have children
On the other hand I know couples who have been together years and years before even considering children or marriage or anything like that

I’m unmarried and all of my exes would not have been suitable parents. But, I can provide some insight: my parents were together for ten years, married for seven, before they had me, [name]Elana[/name] “[name]Lani[/name]”, and my twin sister, [name]Alexis[/name] “[name]Lexi[/name]”. Two of my friends, a couple, got pregnant when they were eighteen. Now, both twenty-one, they’ve been together for six years and are happily married. They were childhood sweethearts. My cousin, [name]Josh[/name], married his wife, [name]Becca[/name], when they were both 24 and are now 27. With six years together and three years of marriage under their belts, they’re now trying for children.

Personally? I want to wait until I’m financially stable and have been married to someone for a substantial period of time before TTC. But, so long as both parents are loving and able to provide the necessary care and compassion, it shouldn’t matter how long they’ve been together for.

My husband and I dated/courted for one year before he proposed. We were engaged for 3 years while we saved some money for a nice wedding and our needs for our first home. Happily, we got pregnant 7 months after our wedding. We wanted to plan so that I could take time off after having the baby to stay home with him for awhile. :slight_smile:

My husband and I had been married almost a year and 1/2 (Together for a total of 5 1/2 years) when we had our eldest :slight_smile: We had planned on waiting longer because none of our friends were married (although some were engaged) and weren’t children yet but by the time she arrived lots of our friends were married and have told us that when they met her for the first time it made them catch ‘the baby bug’, haha.

Wow, there’s some serious judgement going on in the post. [name]One[/name] reason I stepped away from religion, though. Ahem.

I was a disgusting, shameful, unwed mother when my first was born. Clutch your pearls. Go on. I’ll wait. And get ready for the shock of the century!!! My husband and I-- yes, the man who knocked me up out of wedlock married me! Not before our first kid was born, however! We’re not that classy…-- had our second when we had been married over a year and a half.
Our third will be born on our fourth wedding anniversary.

Please hold. I must retrieve the eyeballs that have rolled out of my head…

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 5 years. We are both in our early 20’s. As much as we both want a baby, kids won’t be on the cards until we’re both finished university and have stable jobs in our specialised fields.

We’re already engaged but frankly, a baby is more of a priority than marriage. We plan on TTC in early 2014, and we probably won’t be married by then for the basic reason that getting married would put our TTC plans back another 2-3 years and we’re both ( more so me ) desperate to become parents.

Marriage is important to us but having a baby is even more important.

Thanks for that, [name]Blade[/name], that’s really interesting to know. Of the five couples I know that have had children in the past year or so, two were married and three were not, all first births, so that statistic actually does seem to hold true in my circle at least.

And apologies if anyone feels like they’re being judged for their situation. That was never my intention in creating this thread, it was simply out of sheer curiosity.

I’ve been with my SO 3 1/2 years now. We’ve been living together for 2 1/2. We are both in our late 20s. I’m still in grad-school but would love to TTC now. Mostly because my bio-clock is ticking really loudly. I also think it might have recently installed a cuckoo. I’m serious. lol. My mom was unwed when I was born and I know quite a few kick-ass women who actively choose to be single mothers (Either through adoption or IVF). I don’t think marriage has anything to do with having children. Sadly my SO disagrees, his family is more traditional and religious. Though he hasn’t set foot in a church (with the exception of his mothers funeral) since we’ve started dating. I think though we’ve unofficial agreed to start TTC before we actually turn 30. (Alright maybe more of a demand on my side, but hey, I gave him a fair heads up before he moved in).

I think age is an important factor to consider. You can’t really compare apples and oranges: ex. @dantea having been 13 when she meet her husband and @ottille and her SO. 8 years for 13 year olds seems reasonable before being pregnant, though maybe not as reasonable for a couple whose average age is around 30.

I added this edit under my post on [name]Page[/name] 1, but I want to add it here: Some comments below mine indicate that this thread feels judgmental, and I hope that feeling wasn’t caused by my post. I understand that very few people hold the views that my husband and I do, and that is just fine with us. We have friends and relatives of all stripes, and we respect their lifestyles and decisions as they do ours. My own baby sister, whom I love very much, is pregnant and unmarried, and I’m not about to judge her or anyone else. To each their own. My only point is that for us, this was the right decision to wait until marriage, and while today’s society views it as “weird” to be a virgin for so long (I was married at 23; now 25 and TTC), we have no regrets about our decision. I apologize if my wording offended anyone.

I found one post offensive Alzora, but not yours. To each their own works all ways - you have just as much right to choose to abstain until marriage as others have not to.
Its posts where people try to tell other people what is right and what they should all be doing that I find offensive.

Okay, well I advice you not to do what I did! My husband and I were together for just 6 months before I fell pregnant with [name]Ellie[/name]. We were both 15 at the time and VERY young. But I am so lucky that we both stuck together, we are both married and we have 4 more children.
[name]Bree[/name]

Yeah, that was what I was going to say.

[name]Bree[/name], you are so impressive. I had the worst taste in boys when I was fifteen.

What [name]Hayley[/name] said!

[name]Hope[/name] I wasn’t the one who was being offensive. I know who offended me slightly, more mind me feel like saying “take a chill pill”.

Personally, I feel that everyone is entitled to an opinion on the subject and should be allowed to say “My religion makes me believe a certain way so I disapprove or such an such” but that’s just that persons opinion.

[name]Just[/name] like I should be able to say “I disagree with some of my friends life choices” without offending anyone. And to clarify, I don’t disagree with getting pregnant early, I mostly disagree with their choice to jump into marriage with someone they don’t love just because they were pregnant. I’m of the opinion that just because you accidentally got pregnant, doesn’t mean you should jump right into a marriage. Stay together and make it work, but you don’t have to jump into a marriage you may regret, and certainly not with someone you don’t love.

Anyway, hope that’s cleared up, and everyone try to remember that there are other people in the world whose opinions on this subject differ from yours so we can all have a polite discussion about this. :slight_smile:

Let’s see we started dating when I was 19 and he was 18 got engaged at 20 and 19 got married at 21 and 19 and now been married for 8 months so this is kinda a surprise

We met on the first day of college, dated all four years, and had been together for three more years after that before we had our first baby.

My husband and I met in 2000, started dating in 2003 (but lived on separate continents from 2005-2007), and were married in 2009. We started trying to concieve in 2011. We had planned to wait a bit longer (until we were more settled- house, stable jobs etc…) but we realized several other important cirsumstances were right so we started trying, even though we were in Grad school overseas. We got pregnant quickly and a few months later found out we were having twins! (There are not twins in our family so it was quite the surprise.)

I had the worst taste in boys even when I first got to university at 18!! Began by dating a boy I had known my whole life – our mothers were best friends throughout university. Things didn’t work out…[name]Bree[/name], you are very impressive, as [name]Ottilie[/name] already said. :slight_smile:

Exactly. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and they are all valuable and for different people, being together for a certain amount of time/being married works best, but nobody really knows anyone’s individual situation that well, so we shouldn’t advise each other on life choices.