To your question about further adoptions, right now our plan is to adopt a fourth as a teenager when our current cohort are teenagers (12-15 years from now). If I’m really wanting another child sooner, we would adopt, likely a toddler.
It has been interesting reading everyone’s individual anecdotes. I think the gist of it is that while of course women have been having babies in their 30s and 40s for millennia, that the chances of you having your ideal family size diminish with age.
The Duggar mom had 11 of her 19 surviving children after age 30 (31-43), with only one miscarriage during that time period and only one set of twins.
My great-grandma who had 14 children had 10 of those beyond age 30 (31-46).
I think it is well-known that women can have 8+ children over the span of a decade (whether that is advisable for the longterm health of mother and the later-born children is up for debate). But the statistical chances are diminished.
I’m just trying to remember off the top of my head but I believe the statistical study spaced pregnancies by the evidence-based 18+ months between pregnancies and assumed a statistically normal 0-12 month period of TTC. If you’re up for trying earlier and having children very close together your chances of the ideal family size might increase (but so may certain risks for mother and baby).
I think it is all about balancing risks and rewards.
I had my first child at 24. Then at 26, then I had the triplets at 30 and I am currently pregnant with babies 6 & 7, who are due any day now, and I am 33. We think these will be our last but never say never!
I understand the data here and how it could translate into needing to start at 23 for a 90% chance of having 3 kids, but the real-world applicability is limited at best for all the reasons others have mentioned (jobs! school! finances! housing! maturity!) but one element that stands out to me is the extent to which the urgency of having another child is reduced by already having children.
At least I see this as I consider it for myself. [name_f]My[/name_f] partner and I have tentatively decided to start trying at 27, a few months out from my 28th birthday (so any child would likely be born when I was 28). I have always aimed for 27 or 28 for my first, with the idea that I would like to be done by around 35. Not because of the myth that your fertility goes off a cliff at 35 (it decreases, sure, but is has been decreasing for years already by that point), but because I imagine the toll on my body will increase with age. [name_f]My[/name_f] partner and I agree we would like 3 or 4 children, but would be okay with two. Imagining a 2ish year gap between each, theoretically we could achieve 4 and I would be 28, 30, 32, and 34 for those births. However, I have a feeling I will be okay with increasing uncertainty after each child. We know we don’t want only one, so (assuming no major family disruptions, health issue, etc) we would probably try pretty early for #2 and have a smaller 2-ish year age gap. However, we would be okay with only 2 although it is not ideal, so for #3 we may be a bit more relaxed and allow slightly more time to pass before trying again. If we have 3, I think it very likely we wouldn’t steam roll ahead with #4, but instead allow some time to pass and determine if our family felt complete. In fact, I could see us reaching 35 or 36 and then decide to try again, but feeling okay with the prospect that it may not happen (or that our chances of miscarriage are higher) simply because of our existing children.
All this to say even though we would like a larger family of 3 or 4 children, I still feel comfortable with the idea of starting at 28 since I think even if we faced difficulties it would allow us time to reach our minimum of 2, even if our ideal family escapes us. I should also add that I would feel differently if I had any indication we would have fertility issues. Of course there is no guarantee, but I have been blessed with textbook cycles with every indication that I ovulate and my partner has no risk factors for fertility issues either.
Well my mom had three kids starting at age 30. I was born when she was 30 (my dad was 44), my brother when she was 33 (dad was 47), and my youngest brother was born when she was 36 (dad was 50). She did have one miscarriage in between my brothers, but no other problems.
I started earlier than her. I had my oldest when I was 23, my 3 year old when I was 27, and now I’m 29 and I’m pregnant with our third. I’ll turn 30 a month after this baby is due.
I got married at 30; conceived our first at 30, second at 32, third at 33 almost 34 (due in [name_u]June[/name_u].) We didn’t even have to actively try, just didn’t impede the process
We consider ourselves blessed. Best wishes to you.
we will see…