This is the question of the hour in my house I have two. One girl , one boy. One adopted, one biological.
I always had the idea that I’d have four or none at all. After my first, I was so nervous about having another, but we came around to it. Now I’m back in the same place considering a 3rd but very unsure. Our eldest has a lot of emotional needs, and our youngest has had so many sleep issues. I also still feel like he’s my baby (2yo). Then there’s parent anxiety, career opportunities, finances and child care or support… I still like the idea of a bigger family. I look into the distant future and see a family with more kids. I do feel like I have a bonus having adopted - another biological baby would only be my second pregnancy and then I would be done with pregnancies and foster after that if we were able.
I think I’m in the camp of “I’ll have 1 and see how it goes”. I have a sister and I love having a sibling, so I think I would like to have 2, but having not had any children yet I don’t feel like I can commit to more than 1 yet. I would also be worried about splitting my time and energy between multiple children, I would want to give them 100% of myself and it might be a struggle. Then again, I could end up with twins!
I have always wanted 5-7 but realistically going to be 1-3.
I don’t have any biological children yet and won’t be TTC until I am 32. I do have 3 stepchildren 5, 9 and 14 and I realise from them in his custody about 50% of the time parenting is full-on and I will be adding to 3 despite them not being with us 25/7 I still need to factor them in. I honestly don’t care if I get “You shouldn’t as they aren’t yours” BS, they didn’t grow in me but they definitely have my heart and I need to be responsible and think of them as they are here; earth side; before adding as my 1 would mean we have 4, my 2 would mean we have 5 and so on. Also, get “oh just have his kids if you have trouble with fertility” but I would just like one to teach and mentor from Day 0 and as much as I love them they’ve got traits of narcissism from my partners’ ex which my own child will not have.
More Long Details
My partner and I won’t be TTC until mid-late this year; took until the end of 28y.o to find a man that has the understanding of a healthy relationship so I am starting late on the biological children train I may only get to experience the birth of 1 - 3 depending on fertility and how close age gaps (Ideally I want 2-3 years apart and 38 will be the last year I would try; I do not want to be pregnant in my 40s, wasn’t the plan to do it in my 30s either but anyways, life curveballs and feel lucky I didn’t have a child with my abusive ex)
Things to consider and work on before
Health - mental and physical (losing some kilos and tummy fat - other than health reasons the only way a man can be involved and bond with bub in the womb is by ultrasounds - seeing hearing - and feeling on the outside of the tummy so it’s been a goal to do so for him and eventual bub)
Then will quote another poster as her list is almost identical to mine
maybe because i’m 3 of 3, but i think the lack of symmetry keeps things interesting. it also forces kids to be more resourceful because it won’t always break their way. you can def learn these things other ways tho, but then it depends on the parents.
congrats on 5! no matter what you end up with, you’ll figure it out.
I have thought of your post so many times since reading it however many days ago. I had a beautiful stomach for decades. A 6-pack, smooth, beautiful stomach that most purple would have worked hard to get. I didn’t (don’t hate me)-- it was genetic. I was so thankful, not proud, not haughty.
After my first baby, I had this cute little stretch mark on the left side of my belly button. It was Elliot’s footprint, cause he kicked me all the time in the same spot. I loved it.
[name_m]Five[/name_m] babies later, and a pregnancy with polyhydramnios, and my belly has more cracks than death valley. Sometimes I lament the loss of my awesome body… but the second thought close to follow is thanksgiving because this body sustained the lives of five children. It is worth everything I lost, to gain what I have gained <3
When I was young, I wanted 5-6. Then I got pregnant, and had horrible morning sickness and a high risk pregnancy but ended up with my beautiful twins.
So now I have 2 and in a real world I would love 1 more, the chance of twins again is high, and I hated pregnancy so I truly don’t know if we will have another or not. [name_f]My[/name_f] daughter also has medical issues we are dealing with figuring out, so I need to take care of her and my son before I worry about adding new children.
But for right now I am content with my twins being my only two.
I have one, aiming for 2, currently ttc. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband would like to have a boy too, so if we have a second girl there’s a chance he’ll push for a third. But I think 2 is enough work, especially since we have no family or any other help around and he works a lot. I know I can offer a good life to two kids, I’m not sure about three.