[name]Just[/name] wondering how many expecting parents find out the sex of their babies?
Plus if you did find out then why?
What are the pros, if any of not finding out?
We found out with both of ours, mainly to be prepared (clothes, etc.) is he reason my husband gave. With our first daughter, they couldn’t see at our ultrasound so we didn’t know until a week before she was born. By then, I could have waited an extra week lol. After that experience I would rather have waited with this baby too, but Hubby talked me in to it 
I didn’t find out with any of mine. I liked the surprise. And I don’t like the blue for boys, pink for girls things, so we just bought bright colours and kept everything simple. And it meant I could pass things down from child to child.
I loved not knowing for sure, though I was right with all 3 of my ‘feelings’.
I did because it made more sense financially to do so. Knowing the gender allowed us to be more prepared than we would have been if we had to keep the gender a surprise.
No kids yet, but I’m loving this thread because my SO and I were just talking about this last night! Several friends of mine are pregnant (two are finding out the gender, one is not) and he wanted to know if I would want to find out or not when we have kids in the future. I’m all for finding out, I just think it would drive me crazy not knowing. Plus unisex bedding and clothing is getting harder and harder to find, and I would want to be prepared. I think it might be fun to have a surprise with the first and find out for subsequent kids.
Of course, he’s in the opposite camp. He wouldn’t want to know, at all, and he wouldn’t want me to know either. Obviously we don’t have to worry about it for another few years at least, but I told him if he wanted to carry a baby around for nine months and then go through labor and childbirth, he could decide whether or not to find out. LOL.
But I’m so interested to hear the pros and cons from people who have been there!
I found out with all 3 of mine ahead of time (20, 17, and 16 weeks). I couldn’t not know. You’re going to be surprised either at the ultrasound or at the birth, so I’d rather get my surprise as soon as possible. I like knowing so I can buy clothes and baby stuff ahead of time. Plus, it is much easier to only have to pick one name rather than agree on a name for each gender.
We found out with all 3 of ours. I had planned on finding out with the first and was very upset when they couldn’t tell. We had several more ultrasounds that did confirm it was a boy. Then we found out at birth that he has a rare syndrome. In all the families that have more than one child with this syndrome they are all the same gender. We wanted to keep our future children a surprise but couldn’t because if we were pregnant with another boy we would need further testing. I wish I could have had that delivery room surprise but in the scheme of things, it wasn’t a big thing for us to give up. Plus, now I can prepare for our little girl due in 3 weeks by getting out all of our pink girly things!!
I found out with mine. I was too impatient not to The advantages to me, as other people have said, are that it’s easier to plan ahead when buying baby stuff, and you only have to worry about one baby names list, not two.
My friend chose not to find out, and the reason for her was that she thought it would make her more motivated during childbirth knowing that there would be a big surprise at the end of it all! (For me, there’s still a nice surprise at the end because you get to finally see what the baby looks like!)
We don’t want to know BECAUSE of the “it’s easier to plan if you know the gender” reason. I strongly oppose this whole gender-stereotyping thing, and I don’t want knowledge of the gender to color our choices in what we buy (or what others may gift us). Really, though, infants need so very little that it’s not like financial planning should dictate this sort of decision.
I can’t think of a single thing that requires true gender specificity, and honestly, sometimes the sonogram is wrong – which just means you made a whole bunch of purchase decisions based on planning for the wrong gender.
People have been having babies for thousands of years, and parents have only been able to find out the gender in advance for a few decades. If our ancestors did just fine “planning” for an unknown gender, so can we. All I care is that my baby is healthy – I do not need anything more from that darn sonogram.
I think its better to wait (although I’m not sure I could) simply because it helps you keep your mind more open to possibilities about the baby and what plan you have for them as they grow up. If you find out the gender, I think that makes people tend to begin to narrow the child’s future before they’re even born, such as if its a girl, you think, ‘well, I guess she probably won’t be a football star’, and as a lot of pp’s have said, it also makes a lot of people invest in gender-specific clothing, decor and toys.
For me I had to find out cause I couldn’t bear not to know!! I don’t go for the pink & blue everything…but it was fun to buy a few dresses once I got the info! Plus it narrowed things down in the naming dept! In my thinking the surprise is the baby…the person they are, what that little face looks like, what they sound like…so any info I can gather beforehand isn’t ruining a surprise!
Also, I found pregnancy rather miserable so it was nice to have a fun day or milestone to make me feel a bit more positive through the nausea and strange health issues that kept popping up!
Somebody else already pointed this out but you will be surprised either way, at the sonogram or the delivery room. I was thinking that maybe I would NOT find out the next baby’s gender, but for me it’s impractical. If I don’t know I’ll just end up buying stuff for both genders. I hate the traditional gender neutral items for being overly cutesy. If I know than that limits my buying. It seems silly but I just see things and think “OMG this would be perfect if I had another___! I must own that.” And it cuts the naming issue in half as well.
It’s not that I don’t think I could be prepared without knowing, it’s that I would be over-prepared.
We found out both times and don’t regret doing so. First pregnancy I had wanted to be surprised, my husband didn’t, and then I just wanted to know to badly to keep waiting myself. Second pregnancy didn’t even contemplate being surprised. I mean, it’s a surprise no matter when you find out. One baby cooperated at the 20 week anatomy scan while the other did not and the doctor did a quick scan at my following appointment and baby cooperated then. I do have one friend who waited to find out with her first and she was very happy to have waited. However she did find dealing with the family guessing/STATING that she was having a girl because of yadda yadda yadda or a boy because of yadda yadda yadda very annoying. Her second pregnancy she didn’t announce until they knew the gender to avoid all that.
I didn’t find out with my daughter and it drove me NUTS! Because we were so sure she was a girl, and even though I’d have been happy with a boy I just couldn’t imagine taking home any baby that wasn’t a girl, and that made me feel so guilty. We couldn’t even agree on a boys name because we were so sure she was a girl that hubby refused to talk about boys names.
This time I am finding out for sure. Hubby doesn’t want to know, but I’m not giving him the choice. I can’t go through that guilt a second time. Besides which my daughter tore down a lot of the wallpaper in the nursery, so I have no choice but to re-paint, and I am not wasting my time on a second gender-neutral theme, which I’ll just have to change down the track. This time it’ll be purple or blue, right from the start.
Great thread! We are expecting our second baby, and this will be the second surprise. With the first, I went back and forth with wanting to know and not wanting to know, but in the end, we decided that we really wanted to be able to call our friends and family when baby arrived and announce that a boy or girl had been born, and what he/she had been named. The names were also a secret! This time around, we had a serious talk about if we should find out. I argued for finding out, mainly just to try it differently the second time around. It got to be a bit of an intense discussion, and in the end, my hubby admitted that he felt he didn’t have much to contribute to the actual pregnancy, but that it would mean a lot to him if he got to be the one who told me that I had just delivered a baby boy or a baby girl. Now I’m not only looking forward to the baby arriving (I’m nearly 34 wks), but I’m also looking forward to having my husband announce who this baby is!
#1 Didn’t want to know… but sonographer commented “HE has such chubby cheeks”, pretended I didn’t hear that, but knew she was right. Had a feeling he was a boy. Waited until birth for confirmation of gender- kept that comment to myself- so everyone thought the gender was a complete surprise.
#2 Again, didn’t want to know yet felt it was a girl. Again another big mouthed sonographer commented after asking the gender of my older child “Oh, a pigeon pair”. [name]Gee[/name], thanks! Yes, a girl- confirmed at birth- didn’t share the sonographer’s slip up with anyone.
#3 Didn’t want to know. Had a feeling baby was a girl. 15 weeks, threatened miscarriage, 16 weeks another threatened miscarriage. Decided I wanted to know who this trouble maker was in case the pregnancy was lost- sure enough a girl. We kept it hush hush until she was born.
emiliaj
I definitely wanted to know…I’m not real fond of surprises anyways, but it IS a surprise when you find out at 20 weeks! I like to prepare for the baby with setting up the room and buying clothes, but I also like only having to choose one name and then calling the baby by name for the last 20 weeks. I think it helped my husband bond with the baby while I was pregnant, and I enjoyed knowing a little something about who was inside of me too! I think it also helped my daughter prepare for her new brother by calling him by name as well. I loved knowing ahead of time.
I wanted to have a name locked in and wanted to decorate a room - so we found out at 20 weeks. It was annoying to me that a lady bought us this pink and purple heart outfit even though we said we were having a boy. She said “You never know” and I said (although it was a bit tacky) “Well, unless this little girl has 3 legs - it is a boy.” I didn’t even have to have the sono tech tell me, he was letting us know
To each their own, but I wanted to decorate a room and call my baby by his name as soon as we could. I will find out with the second one if at all possible.
I’m no where near having kids at this point in my life, but I thought I’d share what my parents did. My mom really wanted to know and my dad really didn’t, so he left the room and she found out. Later on she “accidentally” slipped a hint that made him think I was a boy (without out right saying it), just to have him doubly surprised when it turned out I was a girl! (Which she knew all along)
I found out with my first because I was 16 people were donating clothes and supplies to me. My next 2 were surprises but only because I only got 1 ultrasound with each of them and they didn’t cooperate. I really wanted to know! It was wonderful to be surprised when they were born though. Our last one we did find out was a girl about half way in just becasue I had a ton of girl stuff and wanted to be ready if it was a boy. If I ever have another I am thinking of keeping it a surprise!