I’m pregnant and so I get a lot of questions from family and acquaintances about baby names - especially “Have you picked out a name yet?”
Fact is, my husband and I have decided on a name, but I don’t want to share it before the baby is born. Since we are 100% decided on the name, I don’t want to hear any potentially negative feedback from people about the name before my daughter is born. I also just like keeping it a surprise. When people already announce the gender, AND the name before the baby is born, it seems like there’s just no surprise left. [name_m]Just[/name_m] my feelings.
What do you say when people keep asking you about names? [name_f]My[/name_f] answer so far has been “We’re still thinking about it” but now that I’m in the third trimester I don’t know how much longer I can realistically say that.
We always said we would not be sharing until our daughter was born, but that we’d love to hear what names they are fond of / would suggest for us. I found that strategy more than appeased the curious family and friends, and it actually gave a lot of insight. Some of the names that they came up with were so surprising! It was great fun.
[name_f]My[/name_f] husband and I didn’t pick our boys names before they were born. We took a very intensely debated ‘short list’ to the hospital and when they arrived we took 2 days to make our final decisions. I don’t think it is unreasonable for you to say that you are still thinking about it.
If you want to get them off your back you could spout of a list of names that are not even close to what you are considering and stand back and let them explain to you why they are all terrible, or they know a so and so, or that their favorite name is ______. Sometimes people just actually want to talk about names or how they came up with their kids names (also another great stalling tactic). Good luck!
I’ve never been in this situation, but can’t you just tell people, “Yes, we’ve decided but we’re not going to tell anyone until baby is born”? I don’t think that’s rude, although maybe it wouldn’t stop certain people pestering you. Could just lie and say, “We’re not settling on anything until we see her.” [name_m]Plenty[/name_m] of people do just that, so it’s not ‘unrealistic’.
DH and I feel the same way- when people give away the name before the birth, it kind of takes away from the surprise. And of course we didn’t want negative feedback. With DS1, I was so tired of people asking about names that I just came up with some I liked OK but didn’t have any intention of using and told them they were some we were considering. I felt a little bad for lying, but those were names we did consider at the beginning of the pregnancy. When DS2 came around, we told everyone we were still considering names, and that we wouldn’t be sharing with anyone what we decide on until his birth. It hurt a few family members’ feelings, but eventually they got over it when they realized it was not us trying to exclude them, simply that we wanted them to be surprised.
I think it’s perfectly reasonable and polite to say, “Yes” when someone asks if you’ve picked a name.
And if they ask, “Oh, what did you pick!?” I think you’re well within your rights to answer, “We actually aren’t sharing yet until he/she is born”
Nothing rude about that. It’s your news to share when you think the time is right
[name_m]Just[/name_m] say, “it’s a surprise!” and smile, then walk away.
I’ve always told people right away when they’ve asked and we’ve picked out a name, but we’ve also got some really traditional/boring (by some standards) names and I haven’t cared much whether or not people have liked 'em.
I am 6 months pregnant and DH and I have decided on the name and aren’t telling people. We also know the sex and aren’t telling people yet. When people ask I just say yes we know and no we aren’t telling. People may go “oh come on” or “please” but they respect our wishes. I don’t think there is anything wrong with telling them you know and want to wait. It’s something special between you and your SO and people won’t be able to be as judgmental once they see a beautiful baby.
We didn’t tell anyone our sons name until he was born. When people asked I would say “we have a name picked out but we’re not telling anyone!” Then I’d give a little mischievous laugh and smile. Almost everyone understood but some playfully tried to get me to tell them. I think as long as they know that NO ONE knows and you won’t budge, they won’t push too hard. I let some people “guess” but would never say yes or no. I would just smile and say “I don’t know…”
Ultimately I’m so glad we kept it a surprise. We had no negative feedback and lots of people waiting in anticipation!
Me too! We did get some negative comments about [name_f]Mary[/name_f]'s name but we were set on it and nothing could have changed my mind. Also some people will make negative remarks even after the baby is born. [name_f]My[/name_f] stepmother’s kids have all waited until the baby was born to share the name and she hasn’t held her tongue about her feelings on any of them.
I would say not to tell people you aren’t sharing because of criticism because when somebody says that I think they must have been some horrible name even though that might not be the case. I like the saying you won’t know for sure until you see the baby.
I agree with what others have said, that there’s nothing wrong with saying you’ve decided but aren’t sharing. I’d sooner do that than say we haven’t decided, because otherwise they might try and offer advice and suggestions which you’d rather not hear! Also, not sharing beforehand makes it easier if you do happen to change your mind before the baby arrives.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying you are going to keep it a surprise. I know one person who felt that was the last surprise she had for people, so her and her husband kept it a surprise until the baby was born. Some people will be pushier than others to find out, but as long as everyone is on the same page then it shouldn’t be a problem.
I am 7 months along. When people ask if we have a name picked out , I just say yes and leave it at that. If they don’t drop it after that which hasn’t really happened I just say we are waiting to announce until the baby is born. [name_f]My[/name_f] cousin who is also pregnant and not revealing the name of her boy says to people ’ We have a name picked out but don’t want to announce, just incase we change our minds at the last minute’.
As the others have said, there is nothing at all wrong with not sharing
You’ve gotten some great feedback, and I agree that people will most likely respect your decision to keep the name a secret (unless they’re jerks [or pushy parents], then don’t even bother with them).
I’d be careful with any “decoy” names, though. Sometimes people like the decoy name better than the one you actually picked, and it creates negative feelings toward the name that might not have been there if you’d never said anything at all.
We haven’t shared any of our kids names until they were born!
Mostly because my family can be quite opinionated and I didn’t care for the extra pressure, haha.
When people asked about the girls’ names, we’d just say it’s a surprise, but now everyone has sort of figured out that we won’t be telling just yet.
Smart choice. My husband and I didn’t find out our children’s genders until the day they were born and we had both a girl and boy name option selected well in advance…but when we were pressed by family and friends (and perfect strangers, of course!) our response would be “yes, we have names but you will have to wait until this little one picks his/her birthday to find out!” Most people respected that, especially since we were polite but firm about it being a private choice.
People get a little nutty about babies…think of this as practice time for setting boundaries because when your baby is actually here you will probably have to contend with all types and flavors of unsolicited advice!
Stick to your guns. You don’t owe anyone an explanation when it comes to your choices about your children.
We told people we were “holding off telling people” until the time when we were “sure we loved it.” Or, I just pretended for a while that we were still desperately looking and asked them what names they suggest. People usually love to talk about themselves so that typically does the trick.
Honestly for me it was about whether I was comfortable with letting people get close to my private life. Since I don’t like to be center of attention, all baby talk made me uncomfortable. It’s just a shyness thing. There are still some things I won’t discuss, but when it hit me that the people who asked genuinely care for me and want to be close, I eased up quite a bit. There are definitely boundaries to the discussion, but friends and coworkers are just trying to be nice and show they care.
Simple!