Hey y’all - just wondering if anyone else is in this situation and has any advice.
We’re not expecting or planning to any time soon, but as a life-long name nerd I’m always throwing names by the DH. We tend to agree on quite a few girls names, but the names that I suggest that get approved to be on “the list” are all over the place.
Currently DH’s absolute favorite name for a girl is [name_u]Parker[/name_u], but the list ranges from clearly feminine names like [name_f]Felicity[/name_f], [name_f]Isabel[/name_f], and [name_f]Aria[/name_f] to more surname/unisex names like [name_u]Clarke[/name_u], [name_u]Reese[/name_u], and [name_u]Riley[/name_u]. While I like all these different names and styles, I just don’t know that I could ever get behind having daughters with such wildly different naming styles, for example two daughters named [name_u]Parker[/name_u] and [name_f]Felicity[/name_f], or [name_u]Clarke[/name_u] and [name_f]Isabel[/name_f], etc.
How do you all reconcile your lists when there are such different name styles going on? [name_f]Do[/name_f] you just pick one name you love and build your list around that one? Or do you just collect names you both like regardless of whether or not they “fit” stylistically? Again, we’re not planning on children for another couple of years, so maybe I’m just overthinking everything?
All of my names naturally fit into the same style, so I haven’t really run into this problem. [name_f]My[/name_f] one bit of advice is to suggest putting one style of names in the middle, and choose the other for first names. For example, [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] [name_u]Clarke[/name_u], [name_u]Riley[/name_u] [name_f]Isabel[/name_f] or [name_f]Isabel[/name_f] [name_u]Reese[/name_u] all flow well imo.
First of all, I LOVE the fact that people are branching out into more naming styles and not just sticking to one “category” of names. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband and my names are all over the place stylistically too, but I don’t see it as anything to be worried about—more to be celebrated! I think sisters named [name_u]Parker[/name_u] and [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] would be adorable. If you’re really that concerned about it, why not choose combos that include the different styles? For instance, [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] [name_u]Clarke[/name_u] and [name_f]Isabel[/name_f] [name_u]Parker[/name_u] or [name_u]Reese[/name_u] [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] and [name_u]Clarke[/name_u] [name_f]Isabel[/name_f] or something. Personally, [name_f]Aria[/name_f], [name_u]Riley[/name_u] and [name_u]Parker[/name_u] are all trendy, so they seem to fit in the same style to me.
My names are definitely a bit all over the place, but I think I’d want all my kids to have similar names stylistically, names that go together at least. I guess I’d use the “outliers” as middles. But, I’m pretty far off this situation myself, so I don’t know what I’d do if it came to it. I’d try just putting names that could work together in pairs so [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] and [name_u]Parker[/name_u] wouldn’t work for me, but I think [name_f]Aria[/name_f] and [name_u]Riley[/name_u] or [name_f]Isabel[/name_f] and [name_u]Reese[/name_u] could go together.
You could just have a list of names grouped into themes or styles so you could easily see what would potentially go with what. It’s good to have a list of every name you’ve spoken about and liked especially as you’re not planning anything for a while, it gives you a lot longer to consider them all properly. Obviously after you have and have named your first child then the list will become more based on their name and what fits with it. At least I think that makes the most sense.
Me and my partner had wildly different tastes and after much vetoing we found one that suited both of us enough to use. Most of the names I would have liked to have used in the future are now pretty unusable as they don’t match her name, so I’ve made a new list of names that match hers.
I also had the feminine/unisex problem when it came to naming my daughter - my partner likes old fashioned and feminine and I like more modern and unisex. I considered using feminine for the first name and unisex for the middle name to modernize the first name a bit if you know what I mean? So with your names you could have [name_f]Isabel[/name_f] [name_u]Parker[/name_u] or [name_f]Aria[/name_f] [name_u]Clarke[/name_u] for example.
Our names are all already very similar, and our style is pretty specific.
Next time you have a name conversation, why not just ask what his feelings are on the subject - work out if stylistic continuity is important to him or not, and explain that it is to you. If he likes multiple names in each style then you should be able to get some decent sibsets, might just take some nutting out haha.
I am going to follow this because this is my biggest concern, that my future husband’s and my naming styles will not mesh. I had been thinking of making it a litmus test that he gives me Carte [name_f]Blanche[/name_f] until I started to wonder if Carte [name_f]Blanche[/name_f] would be a good girl name
If he has specific names that he likes and they’re all over the place, why don’t you see if any specific name of his speaks to you? Then you can work from there, and create the name that you love together.
Don’t think too far in advance. As children come, in their right time, you’ll be able to decide what the new name pool will be for the new baby. If your first daughter winds up being [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] [name_f]Rose[/name_f], chances are [name_u]Parker[/name_u] [name_u]Reese[/name_u] won’t be on the table to begin with for a second daughter, and that’s ok. (Using your name reference from above.)
Your list can be ‘all over the place.’ Once a real baby is born, you’ll decide which one you feel is the right vibe.
So my thoughts on this are that, often times, the people who judge whether a name fits in a sibset “stylistically” don’t have the single most important variable to consider: the parents. What I mean by this is that certain names might not “work” when one just thinks about the style, such as vintage or unisex, but when you factor in the parents and the personality of their family, the names might actually work really well for them.
[name_f]My[/name_f] cousins are a perfect example of this. I won’t post their names for privacy but the oldest has an uncommon and unisex surname of a poet, and the youngest has a feminine vintage revival. They are both girls. Stylistically, they clash, but I’ve always thought they had one of the best sibsets ever and that’s because I know who their parents are. [name_f]My[/name_f] aunt and uncle both have extremely common names for their generation (think #1 and #4 for their birth years) so it makes sense that they’d want names you don’t hear as often. While my younger cousin’s name has entered the top 100, it definitely isn’t something people started using again until the last decade, and my older cousin’s name doesn’t crack the top 1000 for boys or girls. Second, my aunt and uncle are both highly educated; they met at a prestigious law school and work/worked as a lawyer and law school professor. It makes sense that they’d choose sleek, classy names such as a poet’s surname or a vintage revival.
[name_u]Parker[/name_u] is one of my favorite girl names too! It’s an honor name for me, which personally comes before style. I also love names like [name_f]Iris[/name_f], [name_f]Mabel[/name_f], and [name_f]Ramona[/name_f]. While [name_f]Iris[/name_f] and [name_u]Parker[/name_u] might not work stylistically, I think they both appeal to different aspects of my personality, and that makes them solid choices in my eyes.
The same can apply for you too. I don’t know you or your spouse’s personalities but there’s something there that made both [name_u]Parker[/name_u] and [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] appeal to you. On paper, they may seem mismatched, but your kids will be a culmination of your character and values, and you may find that [name_u]Parker[/name_u] and [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] perfectly sums up the personality of your family.
Or, if all else fails, just remember that most “normal people” don’t even think about sibsets. I doubt anyone in the “real world” would bat an eye at [name_u]Parker[/name_u] and [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] as sisters.
[name_f]My[/name_f] partner and I were like this but the opposite. I love names all across the board, so I knew it’d be more about me getting on the same page as him! In your case, it’s more about getting your husband on the same page as YOU, which means you first have to decide what page you’re on. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you want to go the more traditional route, or would you prefer unisex names? That’s the question you need to answer, and you have to do so by eliminating options.
I figured this out with my S/O simply because I just kept throwing out names and keeping track of what he liked or didn’t like in a list. If he didn’t like it, I’d usually remove it from my personal list as well (but not if I really loved it). I made sure to keep my personal list separate from his interests list to both keep track of my style and use as a reference for potential names.
As I discovered his taste, I started focusing more on the names I liked that matched it. For example, he likes names that work in Spanish. When we agreed on [name_f]Luna[/name_f] (his suggestion), I later suggested [name_m]Matteo[/name_m] for a boy. It was a name I already loved that fit the traditional Spanish names he preferred.
I actually think you’re lucky to have a partner with such a broad naming style, as it gives you a lot of power. It shouldn’t be difficult to find names he’ll agree to if you choose a naming style now ([name_f]Felicity[/name_f] and [name_f]Isabel[/name_f], [name_u]Reese[/name_u] and [name_u]Clarke[/name_u]) and start to veto and counter his suggestions. Once you agree on a name, you can both continue suggesting names you think work and removing those that don’t. For example, if you agree on [name_f]Felicity[/name_f], remove any name that doesn’t match (e.g. [name_u]Riley[/name_u], [name_u]Clarke[/name_u], [name_u]Reese[/name_u], etc) and only add names that you feel match your naming style.
If having a cohesive style matters to you, then you have to be diligent and a little harsh when it comes to adding and removing names from your list. Be honest with yourself and don’t be afraid to scratch a name off! I know eliminating an entire subsection of names is intimidating but please don’t agonize every name you veto. There will be MANY no’s before a yes happens, as all name lovers and parents will certainly tell you! Isn’t that the magic of names, though? Thousands of them to choose from, and yet we only get ONE! It’s kind of a big deal. So just be patient and don’t settle. You will eventually find the right name, and you’ll know when it happens.
[name_f]My[/name_f] partner and I are very chaotic when it comes to our naming style too. We love everything from classic to modern, obscure to trendy, ultra feminine to totally unisex. Our favorite names range from [name_f]Florence[/name_f] and [name_f]Rosalie[/name_f] to [name_u]Sparrow[/name_u] and [name_u]Saylor[/name_u]. We agree on so many names that it actually makes it harder to choose because there’s no one to rein us in. I’m currently 35 weeks pregnant with twins and it feels like all we do is discuss names. We’ve gone through more combos than I can count, we’ve had to expand from one to two middles because there’s too many names we want to use, and even now that we’ve settled on firsts we’re still trying to narrow down all the MN options we’ve come up with. One rule we’ve decided to stick to is that we’re going to keep the craziest/most unusual names in the middle spot and keep the firsts fairly familiar, though preferably not too popular. We know we want more kids in the future too and it’s important for us to keep all their names cohesive, which makes things even harder. But since our kids’ names are often going to be presented as a set (on conversations with colleagues, friends, neighbors, etc.), we really want them to sound good together.
Communication is key. And so is arming yourself with some quality baby name books and really taking the time to browse, discuss and try to narrow down what names you both REALLY like (which in our case is like, hundreds. Send help). Naming a human is a big decision and it’s good that you’re already talking about it. And have fun with it too - it’s a big decision, yes, but what a joyful one!
I agree with @catieQ that it’s not really a bad issue. I like names from a variety of styles and origins but I think this is a plus. If my future SO is really picky, then I can narrow my names down to those we both like but if I’m just as picky as my SO but we have different tastes, it will be really difficult to find names we both like.
I personally don’t mind my kids having different styled names but if you’re really concerned, another option other than to mix styles is to come up with a list of all the names you both like then sort them into different style groups eg one group of traditional names, another group for nature names, etc. Some names can go in more than one group, that’s fine. You can then choose whichever group has the most names so you have more options when choosing names for a child. You can also do what @Greyblue said and choose whichever group you like the most.
I love the idea of categorizing favorites! That’s a super smart way to find names that you both think fit within multiple categories too, which would give you a natural crossover list to choose names from as well.
I doubt anyone in the “real world” would bat an eye at [name_u]Parker[/name_u] and [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] as sisters.