How to get over family disliking your favourite names

Boy Names
1

So the first thing I have to say is, I’m not pregnant or even wanting to be (I’m 16 lol) but I’m extremely expressive with my family and that goes for names too.

I [name_u]LOVE[/name_u] talking about names and my family are totally okay with it but every time I mention my favourite name for a boy, I get disgusted looks and that is hurtful. I know my favourite name isn’t loved by a lot of people ([name_m]Archibald[/name_m]) but when it’s your family it really hurts. They just tell me that I won’t love it when I have kids (I’ve loved it since I was 10, I was just scared to tell anyone as I know that it’s not a loved name) or whoever I have kids with won’t like it or I should just use [name_m]Archie[/name_m]. I love [name_m]Archie[/name_m] a lot but to me, Its not a full name.

Sorry for the long rant, I just want to know how to get over the feeling.

Thanks, [name_f]Izzie[/name_f].

1 Like
2

My family are similar! There’s no way of getting around it really, but I know in the end when I have my children my family will love them just the same and not hate you!

3

First of all, I think [name_m]Archibald[/name_m] is a fabulous name. One of my favorites is [name_m]Reginald[/name_m]; like [name_m]Archibald[/name_m], it’s a bit of an old man name, with a clunky-yet-cool sound and a cute nickname. [name_m]Reginald[/name_m]'s gotten a positive reception from most of my family (though some of it might be out of politeness to me!)

My advice to you? Embrace it. Embrace loving a name that most people hate. Regardless of personal tastes, it’s not offensive or cruel to a child, and I wouldn’t be hesitant to make these things clear if their comments cross a line. However, part of [name_m]Archibald[/name_m]'s cool factor is how unfashionable it is, and that will naturally come with some raised eyebrows. [name_m]Just[/name_m] as it’s OK for you to love the name, it’s OK for other people to dislike it- if everyone loved [name_m]Archibald[/name_m], it would lose a lot of its charm.

4

I’m in the same boat. I’m 19, nowhere near wanting kids at the moment, but I tell my friends/family about the names I’ll use and they’re often less than happy about those names (or they think I won’t actually use them in the future, though I fully plan to and am a very decisive person so I know I will.) I love names like [name_f]Matilda[/name_f], [name_f]Louise[/name_f], and [name_f]Beatrix[/name_f] and though you’d think they’d be mainstream enough for people to know them on children I always get “those are ugly old lady names!” I won’t give up [name_f]Beatrix[/name_f], [name_f]Matilda[/name_f] or [name_f]Louise[/name_f] for that reason (like you shouldn’t give up [name_m]Archibald[/name_m]) but I have given up others for that reason–[name_m]Orville[/name_m] being one, I think it sounds spunky and so old it’s fresh, other people think of the popcorn or of some creepy old man (apparently.)

My only advice is… when they relate those names to the names of your actual children, they should shut up about it. Most people can’t look a baby in the face while telling you they hate the name you chose for that baby. They’ll just love the baby, and soon, that name will become that kid, not just a name. Does that make sense?

Yes, it’s hurtful. My best friend told me her number one name for a kid quite a while back and I didn’t love it but didn’t judge, and when I told her my favorite name for my kid ([name_f]Matilda[/name_f] and [name_m]Felix[/name_m] at the time), she told me I was crazy. I think that people who don’t love names like us don’t realize exactly how much time and thought we’ve put into these names. They probably heard the name a couple of times and decided they liked it, we’ve done hours upon hours of research on names and etymology and meaning, written our signatures, made combos, made lists, rated other people’s names, discussed names with up-and-coming parents, etc. Names probably mean more to us than other people. And that’s okay! It just means that though it hurts us to hear when someone we love hates our favorite names, we have to realize that they probably have no idea that it would affect us at all.

I now embrace it when someone tells me I’m crazy for liking a name. Instead of, “Actually, I love that name because …” I just say, “Yep, my kids will hate me!” And move on, because I’m not willing to debate with them.

On another note, my best friend just decided to name her future baby a name I’m certain 6 months ago she would have told me I was crazy for liking. (I actually swear she picked it up from me but whatever LOL). So maybe you’ll rub off on them!

Also, [name_m]Archibald[/name_m] is a lovely little vintage charm! Clunky-cute, which is one of my favorite types of cute (that’s why I loved [name_m]Orville[/name_m]). [name_m]Archie[/name_m] as a nickname is darling as well.

5

I have had a fascination with names since I was a teenager and always anxiously await the announcement of a new babies name. I have realized during my time of loving names that sometimes people initially don’t like or say they “hate” a name, but when the baby comes they no longer have bad things to say about the name. In fact, I have found that I have to “marinade” on names sometimes. After I think about the name and say it a few times, sometimes my opinion on it changes. That is one of the reasons that my husband and I didn’t tell anyone my son’s name prior to birth. I didn’t want anyone’s opinion (people I know in real life) to spoil how we felt about a name. Plus in our case we were bucking a naming tradition we weren’t fond of. I would stick with it and try not to let their reactions to your name change your feelings about it. Also people your parent’s age will only imagine an [name_m]Archibald[/name_m] as an old man because they probably knew a Great Uncle [name_m]Archibald[/name_m], but seeing a young child with the name generally changes their minds. Younger people have different opinions on “old names.”

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6

Yeah whenever I bring up names with my mom she gives me the look. “Are you kidding?” But when it comes down to it I don’t care if others like my choices. I could satisfy everyone with a simple [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] or [name_m]Benjamin[/name_m] but I’d much rather have a little Tzipporah and be completely in love with her name!

7

It’s so tough! Once my son was born, I found out that my dad doesn’t like the nickname we chose… and I’ll admit that it makes me pause when talking to my parents and I tend to use my son’s full name with them more and use his nickname less as a result. I wish it weren’t that way, and maybe it will change as my son gets older and grows into his name. It seems that’s how it works with a lot of families… the children eventually ‘become’ their names and then no one really objects to it anymore, because it’s such a part of their identity.

8

It’s tough… my Mum’s been pretty judgy about lots of the names I’ve liked: ‘[name_f]Ophelia[/name_f]’ sounds too much like “I’ll feel ya” apparently, ‘[name_f]Miranda[/name_f]’ is just not a nice name… and when my aunty found out we were considering the name [name_f]Robyn[/name_f], she suggested every other name under the sun because apparently it’s “too birdy”, even Babetta! As well as the [name_f]Miranda[/name_f] that Mum didn’t like…

Honestly, it doesn’t necessarily stop when it’s a real baby and it’s already been named, either, but you get a thicker skin!

9

I fully believe that it’s the parents’ choice and the parents’ choice alone when it comes to baby names. Some of the stories I read here and elsewhere of relatives refusing to call a child their given name, trying to pressure expectant parents into using this or that family name (often, cringeworthily, their own), or deliberately mispronouncing or nicknaming a child’s name against the parents’ wishes make my blood boil. In my view, unless the name under consideration is genuinely offensive or embarrassing in some way ([name_m]Lucifer[/name_m], [name_m]Cohen[/name_m], [name_f]Fanny[/name_f], that sort of thing) then it’s no one else’s place to interfere.

But…

When it came to actually naming our children, I found it was more important to me than I thought it would be that close family members liked the name we chose. They’d be using it almost as much as us; they’d be mentioning it to their friends, writing it in [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] and birthday cards, and shouting it across the park when they took our child out. I wanted them to feel proud of it, not hesitant, awkward or embarrassed.

My mum really disliked one of the names on our shortlist for our youngest daughter ([name_f]Astrid[/name_f]). She would never try and stop us from using it, or even go on about how much she hated it, but I knew she didn’t like it so it never really felt like a top contender, even though we both adore the name. Other names we loved in theory, like [name_f]Sylvie[/name_f], [name_f]Ines[/name_f] and [name_f]Ramona[/name_f], wouldn’t have been so appealing to the [name_m]French[/name_m] side of our family (too dated, too popular, too close to a rude word) so we ultimately decided to discount those too.

In reality, we thought about a lot more people’s associations and preferences than I thought we would — and believe we should — but I’m very glad we did.

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10

My family was pretty negative when I was pregnant and we said we had [name_m]Archimedes[/name_m] picked out for if we have a boy (funny enough people often assume his full name is [name_m]Archibald[/name_m] because we use [name_m]Archie[/name_m] as a nn.) Once he was born and actually given the name attitudes changed. We went from months of people constantly texting us lists of boy’s names and scrunching their faces at [name_m]Archimedes[/name_m], to 0 negative reactions and relatives who expressed dislike before saying his full name with endearment. When a name is actually attached to a living, breathing person you care about, attitudes tend to change.

Everyone’s tastes are different and we can’t expect even close family to like it. And with few exceptions, we shouldn’t let their opinion matter too much. They should try to be more respectful in their reaction (like with so many things involving children. Family can be over eager to push their own ideas onto you) but like you’ll have to do with so many parenting decisions when the time comes, you have to stand firm and confident in your choices.

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11

I had that with all my kids- because I get overly excited and can’t not tell people the name of expected baby if they ask me. The reactions I got to Azula! Haha. We stuck with what we loved (all 3 times) and don’t regret it at all now. Once they were here and my parents and whoever started bonding with the kids they all told me how they had come around to their names and really loved them and thought they suited the kids.

12

I love reading all of these, thanks so much guys! I’m really glad that each one of you used the names you loved and maybe I should just not care. It’s just difficult when my sister has three children called [name_m]Liam[/name_m], [name_f]Olivia[/name_f] and [name_f]Bella[/name_f] so my taste is very different.

Thanks again :slight_smile:

13

I’m sorry that your family members don’t seem to love the names you love. That is very disappointing.

My advice would be similar to advice given above: [name_m]Just[/name_m] lean into it. Listen to what your family members have to say and weigh it against how you feel about the name. If they are giving valid advice (ex: the name of a famous serial killer or a famous, unlikable character in pop culture), then maybe mull it over. However, if it is as simple as, “That’s an old man’s name” etc., then shrug it off.

Unfortunately, by telling your family/friend the name, you’ve opened it up to critique. It’s hard to keep names to yourself when you are incredibly passionate and excited about a name and you’re just sure everyone will love it the way you do. I know, because I’m the same way. As soon as I hear a name that I like, I text a friend and ask her thoughts. It stinks when she doesn’t like a name. It doesn’t always change my opinion, but it definitely stinks.

Also, for reference, my husband is in love with the name [name_f]Clementine[/name_f] for a girl. Personally, it’s not my favorite name, but it is the name we will go with if we have a daughter because my husband is absolutely smitten with the name (going on 8 years of him pushing for this name). The reactions we get from friends and family is akin to o_0. People either make a face or have something snarky to say. It used to bother me at first, but now I’m amused. My dad in particular has been vocal about how much he dislikes the name, but then I reminded him that he and my mother named me and my siblings the most basic names (think top 3 name of each year we were born), so originality did not seem to be on the table when they were naming children.

I will say this: In almost all cases, people are pretty vocal on names right up until you give birth. Once you do, it’s much harder to criticize the name [name_m]Archibald[/name_m] when you are holding [name_m]Archibald[/name_m].

14

When we named [name_f]Hattie[/name_f], I had negative feedback from my dad and grandma (they’re both quite old and thought it was an old lady’s name).

I just shrugged it off. They were respectful that it was mine and my partner’s choice so it wasn’t a huge issue. hopefully, once it actually comes to it, your family will react in the same way.

Now she’s here, I think she could honestly be called anything and they’d still love it.

Also, I think it helps that she has a full name with a nickname so they can use whatever they prefer.

15

My brother named his kids [name_u]Alex[/name_u] & [name_u]Abby[/name_u] so I feel ya. [name_m]Just[/name_m] do your thing anyway. Give your kids a “normal” middle name maybe so later in life if they hate their crazy first names they can choose to go by their middles.
Or don’t. Live yo’ life dude

16

Thank you :slight_smile:

17

I think people will naturally comment, good or bad on a name, at least until you say 100% that it’s the name your using. Others may criticise until the birth, trying to change your mind. Once the name is certain, they don’t care. Because there’s a baby, and it’s amazing whatever it’s called. If you don’t want other people to ruin your name with criticism, it’s probably better to tell a couple of people at most, and let people know when you have the child

18

I just keep telling myself that my family will come round to it, and once that name belongs to a baby, they’ll no longer have such negative views on the name itself. My family are pretty accepting of my favourite names, but my taste isn’t the same as yours (I’m more nature, whimsical, possibly uncommon and out there, compared to older names like [name_m]Archibald[/name_m]). It’s a bummer but you just have to tell yourself that the child will be your child and not theirs.

Right now, the name doesn’t belong to a child, it’s just an idea you’ve got for the future, so your family don’t have any ties to it belonging to a baby. But if that time comes and your future child has that name, they won’t care. It won’t bother them that the name is “old” or whatever, because it’ll belong to a fresh new baby. If they detest it so much, they can just call him [name_m]Archie[/name_m].

If I remember rightly, all those names have links to teen shows (e.g. Riverdale) so is that affecting their view?

19

It’s very different to think about names conceptually than to actually see them in use. A lot of my family really disliked the names we chose for our kids ([name_f]Hermione[/name_f] and [name_m]Evander[/name_m]), insisting they’d call them Hermy and [name_u]Evan[/name_u] while I was pregnant. But the names are now associated with the kids, and that’s enough for them to be respectful (even if a couple of them still don’t actively like the names, they love the people they’re associated with).

20

Yes, I do watch Riverdale but I’ve been in love with [name_m]Archibald[/name_m]/[name_m]Archie[/name_m] since before that. But they didn’t know that because I was too afraid to tell anyone. Some of my names are inspired from shows I love. My family just see it as “you’ll change your mind”.

Thank you for the feedback :slight_smile: