How to get over the name you love

Hey guys,
I’m only 15 weeks along and don’t know what I am having just yet. However ever since I can remember I have always been 100 percent sure of the name is would give my child if it were a boy. I presented this name to my dh, of course he absolutely hates it. I have scoured every baby name site in creation since trying to find another name that I like even half as much. I can’t seem to get past it. Now I am praying for a girl so I don’t have to think about it anymore. I know there are a lot of names out there and that I am being unreasonable but I just don’t know how to get over the name I love. Any advice?

It depends what name it is, but if it’s a nickname name (for example [name_u]Max[/name_u], [name_m]Jack[/name_m] or something more unusual like [name_u]True[/name_u]), you could suggest a name whose nickname is the name you love. Or if the name you love is longer, you could do the opposite by suggesting using the name you love, but that he’ll go by a nickname of that name.

If none of that works, find out what exactly about that name you love. If it’s the O sound, find another name with that same O sound. Or if you like the name’s rhythm, find another name with that same rhythm.

Last resort could be suggesting to use that name as the middle name and you could sometimes call him by his middle name.

Would your dh compromise and let you have it as a middle name? It might be little comfort, but at least the name you love will be part of your son’s full name and you could even call him it as a nickname of sorts (depending on the name).

The other option is to find a similar name - is there an international variation of the name he likes? A nickname version? Or something with a similar sound?

I’ve never talked with my s/o about baby names yet (we haven’t been together for more than a year) and I’m kind of scared of this same situation happening because I like so few boy names.

Anyway, some suggestions if you haven’t already done them

  • Check the page for this particular name on nb and see if it has any variations or diminutives
  • Go to Yahoo answers and ask this same question there as well and tell them the name. The people there will quickly suggest names like it.
  • Suggest it as a mn or a nn for something else instead.
  • Has he told you why he dislikes it or suggested a name himself? There could be a specific reason he dislikes it and possibly could lead you to a diff name. Who knows.
  • Have you done the namehunter thing on here? [name_m]Just[/name_m] type in the name and they’ll suggest things like it

It would be helpful to know a bit more here - not just which name we’re talking about, but also what you love about it and why your husband hates it.

If it is really true that (a) this is the only name you love and (b) that husband will continue hating the name, then I think the classical suggestion is to find a first name you’re both at least ok with, and use your fav name as the middle.
But I’m not a fan of that solution because nobody gets to be really excited about the baby’s name that way. So I’d really love for you to share a bit more so we can hopefully assist in some way. :slight_smile:

You will be ok with another name though it may take time to get over it. I wanted so badly to name my daughter [name_u]Andrea[/name_u], but for 9 months my husband & i argued about the pronunciation — he said AHN-dree-uh and i said [name_f]ANN[/name_f]-dree-uh. So we ended up with a [name_f]Caroline[/name_f].

I have loved the name [name_u]Jude[/name_u] for a boy for a very long time. When my cousin named her daughter [name_u]June[/name_u] I knew I’d never be able to use [name_u]Jude[/name_u] and I was heart broken. My brother is [name_m]Erik[/name_m] and our cousin was named [name_m]Derek[/name_m] not too long ago and that was such a fiasco within the family. Our family is very close, so we see all the cousins at least twice a year.

I remember talking to my mom about it and she was like “[name_u]June[/name_u] and [name_u]Jude[/name_u] are fine as cousins”. And then I had to remind her about the whole [name_m]Erik[/name_m] and [name_m]Derek[/name_m] fiasco and she then realized they’re too close together.

So sadly [name_u]Jude[/name_u] has turned into a guilty pleasure name I’ll most likely never use.

I agree with trying to find something with similar sounds. For the longest time I loved [name_f]Melanie[/name_f], and was so upset when my husband hated it because it was my absolute favourite! Lots of nameberry browsing turned up [name_f]Eleanor[/name_f], which has similar sounds. I now love it even more than [name_f]Melanie[/name_f], and hubby’s on board too! I still like [name_f]Melanie[/name_f] a lot, but in my case it’s worked out for the better.

I really want to know what your favourite name is! And why he doesn’t like it. :confused:

I can imagine how disappointing that is.

An interesting lesson to learn from this situation is that having a child is not the daydream fantasy we hold it to be when we are making lists of names. The reality is that this is a partnership with your significant other and that the child is not a name on paper, it is an actual person.

A problem I found for myself is that the name I have loved for so long became an ideal in my mind. No child can live up to that. The little girl or boy I pictured in my mind can never exist and it’s possible that he/she won’t even look like the picture in my mind, depending on the father.

Perhaps it is just as well that this name is not the right one for you. Perhaps the name you love can continue to live on in your mind. It can stay on your list, or maybe you can use it in creative writing. In the mean time, this is an opportunity to develop your relationship with your significant other and create a real family together.

I hope you will allow yourself to forgive your SO for hurting the idea you had about having a child. Allow yourself to step outside of your fantasy and embrace the reality you are in.

Keep looking through names. Keep an open mind. Choose a few at random and look up their meanings, think about them a little, let the different sounds seep into your head.

I’ve been through this a few times, and each time I’ve found something that in the end I decide I like even better than the name I thought I just HAD to have and there was no other…