How to handle mispelling of daughter's name

I am not sure where to post this, but I really could use some advice. My FIL and his wife are always mispelling my DD’s nn and it is really starting to make me mad.

My daughter is [name]Lilianna[/name] and her nn is generally [name]Lily[/name] (although we do use [name]Lil[/name] and other pet names for her). However, my FIL and his wife are always addressing everything to her as [name]Lili[/name]. Now, maybe this should not bother me so much, but we specifically rejected that spelling. Yes, her fn starts with “[name]Lili[/name]” but we thought that [name]Lily[/name] would have less issues with pronunciation and it was the only spelling that was likely to be placed on all the personalized name stuff.

Well, it’s not like they should not know by now. She is 21 months old and we sign her name as [name]Lily[/name] in all the cards, letters, emails, everything. We have also made subtle hints and when we first decided on the name we explained the spelling to them and again after she was born, yet they still mispell it. I am starting to take it personally because it seems like they are doing it intentionally. I feel like they are essentially telling me that I chose the wrong name. With [name]Christmas[/name] around the corner, what do you think I should do if all her gift tags once again say “[name]Lili[/name]”? Any suggestions are welcome as I am afraid I could potentially blow my top!

This is an interesting question. Since [name]Lily[/name] isn’t her official name, it’s kind of unclear whether it’s even possible for it to have an official spelling. Her name is [name]Lilianna[/name], and there is a right and wrong way to spell that. But [name]Lily[/name] is just something you call her. In my mind, it is a name that you use in the informal world, but not a name that actually exists in the formal written world. I could see you being upset if they mispelled her full name as [name]Lilyana[/name] for example, but I guess I don’t see how “mispelling” the nn is really the same kind of offense, since arguably there is no right or wrong way to spell it in the first place. “[name]Lily[/name]” is simply a preference. As her parents, obviously you have the right to decide how her name is spelled, but I’m not sure the same is true for a nn. And besides, it’s not like they call her by a nn you don’t like the sound of - you call her [name]Lily[/name], they call her [name]Lili[/name], and both sound exactly the same. It could be a lot worse (they could call her [name]Anna[/name], for example, or they could really go out on a limb and call her by her middle name or refer to her only as dollface.) If I were you, I would let it go.

I think you should try not to worry so much about it. If [name]Lilianna[/name] (pretty name!) isn’t bothered by it (and at her tender age I’m sure she’ll be more interested in her grandparents’ gifts to her than how she’s addressed on the gift tags) then neither should you be bothered by it.

Have some eggnog, mom, indulge the grandparents, and laugh it off. :slight_smile:

– [name]Nephele[/name]

Well, at least they got the name right. My Grandparents call my son [name]Ethan[/name], and his name is [name]Easton[/name]. I correct them everytime, and they just can’t seem to say his name correctly.

I agree that they should spell your daughter’s name correctly. Maybe you should try reminding them of the reason you chose to spell it [name]Lily[/name], instead of [name]Lili[/name]. Perhaps that will help them to remember to spell it correctly. I could see why they would spell it [name]Lili[/name], so it is probably an honest mistake, and they just need to be reminded in a different way.

[name]Just[/name] for fun, maybe you could refer to her as “[name]Lily[/name] with a y” for a couple of days. It would be funny and it would get your point across without them feeling attacked.

Unfortunately, I have to agree with the first poster. Since [name]Lily[/name] is a nickname, there is no “official” spelling of the name. My son’s name is [name]Finley[/name], and we decided that we would spell his nickname [name]Fynn[/name] due to my husband’s love of Celtic history/mythology. He is now 1-1/2, and we have seen his nickname spelled [name]Fynn[/name], Fyn, [name]Finn[/name] and [name]Fin[/name]. There is really nothing we can do about it other than to continue to spell his name the way we want to. Who’s to say that someday he won’t choose a different spelling altogether, or go by his middle name?

From a different perspective, though, my name is [name]Vanessa[/name], and my grandfather is the ONLY person in the world who calls me [name]Vannie[/name]. He has called me [name]Vannie[/name] since I was born, despite my parent’s corrections. Now I really appreciate the nickname that he has given me, and it is a special connection between me and him. Perhaps [name]Lili[/name] could be the special name that Grandma and Grandpa call your little one?

I understand your frustrations, but I have to agree with the previous posters. Is little [name]Lilianna[/name] referred to only by her nickname, [name]Lily[/name]/[name]Lili[/name]? If so, then perhaps you could have a case, but I get the sense that [name]Lily[/name] is really just her nickname, and not a “replacement” for her name.

I see your reasoning for choosing the [name]Lily[/name] spelling for her nickname, what with the ease of spelling and pronunciation, and the fact that she can find “personalized” gear with her (nick) name on it. However, I too see your in-laws’ reasoning for spelling the name [name]Lili[/name], as her name begins with [name]Lili[/name]-anna.

If her grandparents (or you) are getting her personalized (or monogrammed) gifts and gear throughout her life with her nickname on them - which, I must add, would be mighty peculiar, considering it is just her nickname - then you have a problem and need to address it with her grandparents at once. I would just sit them down, get some help from [name]Lilianna[/name]'s daddy, and say, nicely and calmly, “[name]Lily[/name]'s nickname is spelled L-I-L-Y. We chose this for its ease of pronunciation and because it is the more widely used spelling, and we would ask you, again, to use it rather than L-I-L-I. We understand that the [name]Lili[/name] spelling makes sense because it is what her name starts with, but we think it would be easier if everyone used just one spelling, [name]Lily[/name]. Thanks!” However, because I don’t think you are at that point, I would try your very best to let it go, relax, and worry about something else. If, in a few years, it bothers [name]Lily[/name], then SHE can be the one to tell her grandparents off - chances are, they will listen then! Until then, hang in there, take a load off, and focus on your beautiful toddler’s [name]Christmas[/name]!

Best wishes to you and your family for a very happy holiday and wonderful new year!

Thank you all! You are right, I should just let it go. I think I just needed to be reminded of that. And I think that some of it has to do with my FIL and my feelings toward him. He is really really annoying and one of those “it’s my way or no way” people. So, when I was making out the gift tags on the presents for him and his wife, I started to think about it and get worked up because there is a possibility that it is intentional. But, since you all agree that it could be an honest mistake and that there really isn’t an “official” spelling for a nn, I think I can move on now.

Thank you all for letting me vent and helping me readjust my attitude.

[name]Nephele[/name] gives k_lareese a hug

I guess you could let it go, but I would mention your feelings, maybe just saying, “We’re actually spelling [name]Lily[/name] L-I-L-Y, like the flower. I hope you don’t take offence but maybe you wouldn’t mind spelling her name like this from now on?”

I feel kind of personally about this because [name]Lilliana[/name] is my favourite name, and I plan on using it for my first daughter, and her nickname would be [name]Lily[/name] also, and I really only like this spelling. It is the proper spelling of the flower after all, so I agree this is the way it should be spelt.

My grandparents addressed all correspondence and gifts to my sister [name]Lauren[/name] spelled [name]Laureen[/name] for several years (not sure how they eventually figured it out). Another segment of the family spelled the name of our street wrong, although constantly corrected, they never erased the extra S out of their address book.

I would just let it go, especially since they are misspelling a nickname and not her actual name. I guess if I decided I wanted to be called [name]Kari[/name] for [name]Karen[/name], I’d spell it the one way and some people might spell it [name]Carrie[/name], would I get upset? I don’t know - I do know I once got very upset that someone spelled [name]Karen[/name] like [name]Caryn[/name]. Some people don’t like nicknames with an I, and they will say, that’s [name]MissY[/name] with a Y, not [name]Missi[/name] or [name]Missie[/name], if you please. And get disturbed when people think they are “one of those,” nicknames with an I! [name]How[/name] dare people, and it’s so easy, when will they learn? I mean, I get that - [name]Lily[/name] with a Y, not an I, even though she’s [name]Lilianna[/name], no cheesy versions of the nn, or whatever aversion you personally have to [name]Lili[/name] with an I.

I could see how that seems like a big deal and anyone who has never seen what kind of reaction you get for spelling [name]Sandi[/name] with an I when she insists it’s a Y, then you don’t know how big an issue it can be. If you’ve already told them and they still can’t remember, it’s going to have to be filed as a hopeless cause and just move on. [name]Don[/name]'t let this frustrate you. They mean well.

Keep in mind, your father-in-law most likely has nothing to do with keeping up the correspondence. If he needs to send something personally, he probably refers to his wife’s address book, which as you can see, some people just don’t fix broken information (I am also making gender assumptions). I hope they don’t send anything personalized, and it’s just tags. Maybe your DH can say something later, like after the holidays when they’re not too busy to take note of it. Signing letters, cards and emails - it really doesn’t sink in, you have to tell them especially, but I would wait until sometime mid-[name]January[/name].

It may be a wierd conversation, but maybe you should adress it the next time you see them!!!

I’m not sure it’s a big deal, either.
My name ([name]Erica[/name]) gets spelled [name]Erika[/name]/[name]Ericka[/name] ALL the time by my DH’s grandma and godmother, and my grandmother is not very good at spelling. She has spelled all of our names wrong at one point or another.

My whole extended family has often spelled my name, [name]Lyndsay[/name], ever conceivable way possible. I’m 24 and now they mostly get it right, but it did bother me when I was younger. I kind of felt like they should care about me enough to make a point of spelling my name right, especially because there are only 3 cousins in my whole family. Not a lot of names to learn! But now I realize that it’s not because they don’t care about me, it’s because my name is spelled so many different ways that it’s just confusing!

My grandpa used to spell my brother’s name wrong, and he got us personalized pencils once and spelled [name]Jeffrey[/name]'s name [name]Jeffery[/name]. We still have some of those pencils and all you can do is laugh.

Also, my niece is [name]Madison[/name] and they spell her nickname Madi. I had always assumed it was [name]Maddy[/name] or [name]Maddie[/name] since those are more common, and I must have signed a lot of gift tags and cards that way (although maybe not, I usually use full names for gifts). But one day my sister-in-law mentioned that everyone always spells Madi wrong. She said it in passing to the whole group, so if she was referring to me or anyone else in particular it didn’t come across that way. And it got through to me, I always spell it Madi now.

I agree that its not a HUGE deal, but it would definitely bother me also. Next time you see them I would just bring it up casually, like say something about how you hate people that are constantly spelling her name wrong.

I know I always hate when people spell my nickname, [name]Jenn[/name], with only one N. Her nickname is probably what she is going to be called for a large portion of he life. It’s part of her identity so you want to make sure it’s spelled right.