I really love the idea of honor names, and there are a lot of names that I’m fond of in my and my husband’s extended families.
However, as lovely as some of the names are, the people they are attached to are not always as wonderful. While some of these people we don’t necessarily WANT to honor, despite loving their names, some of them, were still special to us despite a less-than-stellar public persona.
As an example, my uncle [name_u]Bobby[/name_u] and I were close when I was a child. He frequently babysat me, took me out to fun places, and generally was a pretty cool guy. Then he was arrested on my 19th birthday for some pretty serious charges (not sure if it ever went to trial, but if it did he was found not guilty). It’s now been almost ten years, and he’s since passed away, but for a lot of our family and people that knew him, it’s an association that sticks.
When I see my uncle one way, but everyone else sees him another, would it be poor taste to name a child after him?
For reference, at the moment this is purely hypothetical. But I have considered using [name_m]Robert[/name_m] as a middle when the time comes (there are other reasons too, beyond this connection) and I worry about how it will be perceived by my family. Interested to hear people’s thoughts.
I think your first priority should be making sure that the bad memories your family has of these people are just sour interactions and not serious offenses. If an uncle was very good to you but truly horrible to another family member, you might want to reconsider honoring him. If someone in your family feels hurt directly by [name_u]Bobby[/name_u]'s actions, then maybe naming your kid after [name_u]Bobby[/name_u] will look like you’re diminishing a relative’s pain or siding with whatever he did/was accused of.
I don’t know the whole situation, but if I were you, I’d look for someone better to name my kid after than someone with a dubious past, especially involving serious charges. [name_f]Do[/name_f] members of your family consider him to have been ‘guilty’? These are heavy connotations I don’t think you’d want to saddle your son with.
I hope you don’t take my words the wrong way; from an outsider’s perspective the situation seems almost too delicate to work around in order to get the name. I don’t, however, know everything so take my advice with a grain of salt! Good luck searching for names.
Thank you @roseofjune, that’s actually pretty helpful. With my example of my uncle I think the name is still useable. He didn’t harm anyone in our family emotionally or physically, but it they did (allegedly) harm people outside of our family. I think mostly my family feels shame and stigma, as opposed to anger and pain. Obviously, this is still not ideal, but it’s a larger conversation to have with my mom when the time comes.
But, this knocks several names from my husband’s side of the family out of contention. While the negative associations there might be less, criminal shall we say, the emotions connected to them are much stronger-felt.