I was just hoping I could maybe get some advice from women here who have experienced a loss and who have had to go through a similar thing. Or just anyone with ideas on what I should do…
I had a miscarriage with my twins on [name_f]September[/name_f] 19th and now I am dreading having to tell my family and friends what happened. Thankfully only my very close family knows (I was going to tell my distant family at a family reunion coming up in [name_u]December[/name_u] and I was going to post something on Facebook for my not-so-close friends but thankfully I hadn’t). [name_m]Just[/name_m] both my parents, my brother, his wife and kids, my sister, my three best friends and my husband and his family knew so far.
I wish I could say that I could rely on my husband for comfort and support through this time but I don’t. He recently left me. I have talked to his mom and she told me that he already told his family about our loss. [name_m]Even[/name_m] just talking to her, I could hardly talk about it and stop crying…
I’m not sure how to say it to my own family and friends without breaking down. I’m not sure whether I should wait a little bit longer or just tell them out right. I don’t even know what words to use or when would be a good time to say it.
I’m very very sorry for your loss. Could you maybe tell one person and then let that person tell the rest of the family? I think that would be completely okay.
Yes, I think after a loss like that, it’s best for a close family member, such as your mom or a sibling, to inform the extended family and either that family member or a close friend should inform other friends.
In this time you should not worry about nor be responsible for breaking this news to a lot of people.
I wanted to add that telling distant family in [name_u]December[/name_u] might not be appropriate, as its quite some time away, it will turn the reunion into a terribly somber event, may make people uncomfortable to find out at a large gathering, and will be tons of pressure on you - as people arrive they might be asking about your pregnancy, etc.
Yes, that is a good idea…to get someone else to say it…I could get my mom to do it.
@leadmythoughts- oh no, i didn’t mean i would tell them of my loss at the reunion. Sorry i probably didn’t word that right. I was going to tell everyone at the reunion that i was pregnant (before I had lost my babies…obviously that is out of the question now).
I agree that maybe having your mama tell them would be easiest.
I have found that people often feel embarrassed when they realize that they have congratulated me on a pregnancy that is no longer. I usually tell them, “Thank you for celebrating the baby with me. I’m glad I got to carry the baby at all. And I’m glad that they baby was loved and celebrated.”
I’m so sorry for your losses in life at the moment. I do like what Casilayne just wrote and I also love that you named your twins. I named the babies I lost too. You have chosen gorgeous names and I love that “[name_f]Hope[/name_f]” is in there. Life doesn’t stay sucky forever. It does get better
My heart breaks for you and I hope your mum or someone is willing and able to relay the message to the loved ones you trusted with the first news early on. Sending love and prayers your way.
I’m sorry for your loss. I agree, it is perfectly ok to tell one or a couple of people and let them spread the word. If and when you do talk with people about it, know that it is ok to struggle for words or get choked up. My son was stillborn 5 years ago and while I love to talk about my son because it means he existed and he is remembered, I still get choked up most times. I am sorry you have lost an important member of your support system too. Best wishes to you, hang in there.
