How to Tell reluctant Grandma we're expecting

Let me start by saying we are thrilled to be expecting. My son was a “whoopsie” baby and after we got married it took my partner and I 4years to conceive our daughter. My older 2 are 9 years and 1 week apart. We began TTC when our DD was 1.6 expecting a similar timeline. Well, next week at their combined family dinner (DS11 and DD2) we’re announcing baby 3. I expect all in attendance to be thrilled.

However, my mother lives out of state and she is going to be a horse of a different color. She was livid about DS and still brings up how disappointed she is that I “screwed up the plan” by having him unplanned. We had a miscarriage before DD was conceived and when I cried she told me it was for the best because I need to focus on my career. When we announced DD, she was disgusted and made what should have been a sweet moment unpleasant. [name_m]Just[/name_m] the other day she went off about how her pastor’s daughter just had #3 and what kind of moron has 3 kids in this day and age.

Can anyone think of a way to tell her about baby 3 without me yelling at her or her making me cry? Lol maybe I’m fighting a losing battle. I love my mom, but we have very different ideas about what makes life wonderful. Sorry berries, first trimester hormones are putting me through the wringer! Any suggestions would be lovely.

Oh good lord. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this!! This is supposed to be a happy time for you guys, not one where you have to tiptoe around what should be a grown adult. (sorry, I know that sounds harsh)

Unfortunately, DH and I are in a bit of a similar situation when it comes to difficult family members. We are expecting our first (technically third, as we’ve had two miscarriages) and still haven’t told anyone because we know several relatives will have reactions ranging from smothering to more or less how your mom has responded in the past. As a consequence, we’ve decided to wait a bit longer to tell anyone. When we get to those difficult family members, we will call them and tell them “we are expecting and we are very happy about it.” I figure that sets our tone off right and they can react how they will. Maybe something similar could work in your case? She clearly isn’t going to be happy regardless but that’ll be her choice.

Congratulations! It’s a sad situation that I know all too well. We are TTC our 5th and nobody was happy with any of our others. My mother completely ignored the fact I was pregnant for the first 6/7 months with my first. She didn’t want to acknowledge the fact I was having a baby. Its the one thing we are dreading about having another baby. We plan on waiting a while before telling people and pretty much telling people we are excited about having another and if you have something unkind to say, keep it to yourself or leave. [name_f]May[/name_f] be a little harsh but a pregnancy is stressful enough, adding hurtful comments is just unnecessary. I say keep it light and simple may be a bit abrupt. Like, we’re expecting another, were happy and extremely thankful. Its something we have wanted and feel truly blessed about it. She may not be happy about it but maybe explaining its something you want and she can’t change, might help. Best of luck!

Honestly, since this is your third I would text or e-mail her with a pic or you holding your belly (or one of your kids in big brother/big sister shirts) and just a short message that you’re excited to be expecting number three with the due date. That way she has some time to react by herself before talking to you and will hopefully be able to mask any negative emotions by then. And if she does start to get negative, just be prepared to quickly change the subject to something else.

Good heavens! What a rude woman! (No offense… I know she’s your mother, but really?!)

Honestly, I almost wouldn’t tell her. Babies are precious and deserve to be celebrated. You don’t need that awful, negative attitude hanging about.
If you’re desperate to tell her, I’d just text or the like. Keep it short and simple. I wouldn’t go out of your way for someone who is so rude in return.

Ugh. That’s awful. And for her information, many, many families have 3 children and more in today’s day in age!

She doesn’t deserve more than a nice text. If she’s upset about the delivery of the info, the answer is obviously that you were anticipating her reaction based on prior experiences, and you are not interested in that type of negativity in your life at this time.

What an amazing blessing! [name_m]Feel[/name_m] good, and best wishes to you and your family.

Thanks all. I decided to give her the courtesy of a phone call. As predicted she was unhappy: " are you an idiot?" “I thought you were the smart one.” Etc.
I stayed calm and simply told her we are very happy and if she wants to continue as a part of our family she needs to adjust her attitude, but if she wants to just be a casual family member with the occasional update no judgement. No response so far.

Good for you for keeping you cool! Now the ball’s in her court if she wants to be a positive force in your life or not at all.
Good luck with it all!

You’re handling her reaction a lot better than I would. I’d tell her to stop being such a witch. To put it kindly.

Well done!

I agree, well done. I wouldn’t have told her a thing! The way I see it she has lost her privilege to be part of your happy life. No way I’d be giving that woman any updates.

Congratulations! This should be a happy time for you. I agree with previous post. I wouldn’t share my joy with someone who I knew would try to crush it. A text maybe and that’s it. You, your family and this baby deserve positive energy not negative. Sometimes you have to protect yourself even from the people that you love.