We just had our baby girl three days ago and named her [name_f]Sadie[/name_f] [name_f]Maeve[/name_f]. Let me first start by saying that my husband absolutely refused to talk baby names with me and when I kept pressing him, he kept coming up with the same three names, [name_f]Samantha[/name_f] (our 4 year olds middle name already) Britnay and [name_f]Vanessa[/name_f]. I told him that he needed other choices, more choices because I didn’t care for these three names. He never did. I pleaded with him to look at name books, apps, internet name sites with me but he refused. I kept telling him that I didn’t want to pick a name last minute at the hospital when I’m trying to recover from birth but he still didn’t budge. I had picked out about 10 different names but he hated all of them and shot down pretty much any name I suggested without giving me any new suggestions.
Last Friday I went into labor and low and behold, he wanted to discuss baby names as I was having the most painful contractions every two minutes apart. He downloaded a baby app I suggested and did manage to come up with a new list of better names. I didn’t love any of his picks but they were better than the original three. We ended up not agreeing on anything in the hospital which is why I felt it so important for us to discuss beforehand. He had mentioned the name [name_f]Sadie[/name_f] to me so I knew it was something he may have liked. I asked him how he felt about it any he was vague. He didn’t love it. Well it was the name that ended up going on the birth certificate and hospital records. He told me that I picked “two dumb names” for our baby and I am completely gutted. I don’t love the name [name_f]Sadie[/name_f] although I want to and hope it can grow on me, us. I do like the name and think it’s cute and spunky. It was not one of my favorite pics as I wanted a name less popular. I don’t know what to do at this point, I just feel so sad about how everything turned out and I can’t help feeling angry and resentful at my husband. I haven’t even announced the birth on my Facebook because I feel so bad about the name and how he doesn’t like it. Has anyone had an issue like this with their husband refusing to talk baby names. Any advice appreciated. Thanks in advance.
I think you guys should sit down and really take some time to discuss names you both might actually love while you get to know your baby. I do think that it’s a case of changing her name if none of you are as fond as you should be of your daughter’s name.
First of all, I’m so sorry that you’re having such an awful time of it.
Second, you say you’re three days in which means that both of you are likely entering the baby blues period. It honestly sounds like you felt completely unsupported during your labor, which is really not helping anything now. You likely haven’t had much sleep and it sounds like you’re very disconnected from your husband in this moment. What an awful place to be emotionally, and then to add to it the pressure of having had to make this big decision so quickly and also the emotions of now hearing your husband display such disgust for the name you chose… I am just so sorry.
With the certificate signed, that’s done. You can change it, of course, and that will need to be an avenue you explore together. But there’s no real rush to it either. 3 days in, many babies don’t even have names yet, so it’s not the biggest deal to have nothing to really call her with pride.
For what it’s worth [name_f]Sadie[/name_f] [name_f]Maeve[/name_f] is very cute. But what’s more important is that you and your husband need to sit down and actually talk about this… not just the name but how you felt unsupported all throughout. [name_f]Share[/name_f] your feelings in the least combative way possible, and then move on from there.
If your husband hates her name, then he needs to take responsibility for sharing the burden of choosing something mutually likeable and also of helping you with the name change process when you get to that.
We know there’s another daughter with the middle name [name_f]Samantha[/name_f], but if you share her first name or any other siblings there may be, I think we can all help you try to come up with some others. It would be helpful to know the names YOU like a lot and also what was vetoed when you managed to get a word in edgewise about naming before her birth.
Best of luck. Take care of yourself, then your daughter, then worry about repairing this mess.
Well, I think the best thing to do now is actually seriously discuss the names you both like (assuming he’s willing to do so…) so you can pick something different you can both agree on.
Thank you for your kind response. Our other children’s names are [name_f]Fiona[/name_f] [name_f]Samantha[/name_f] and [name_m]Jack[/name_m] [name_m]Floyd[/name_m]. Honestly the whole process of naming this baby has been very difficult. I never found a name that I absolutely loved like I did my daughter [name_f]Fiona[/name_f]'s name and with no help from him, it was impossible to have picked the perfect name beforehand. I don’t hate the name [name_f]Sadie[/name_f] and I do think it flows with our other children’s names. I’m just not 100% sure of it and I just feel bad about him hating it.
First of all - your feelings are valid. You have a right to be resentful when he wouldn’t step up during the entire 9 months of pregnancy and give an opinion or bring real options to the table. (A name that is already your daughters middle name? Come on, be serious!) If he doesn’t agree to sit down and have a true discussion, i would legally change her name to whatever YOU love and tough cookies for him. You have given him [name_m]WAY[/name_m] more than enough opportunity to speak up, if he looses his chance at this point, it’s not your fault.
I know this response will be unpopular on here, and I recognize that it sounds radical, but here is what I honestly think: your husband’s behavior sounds emotionally abusive.
He didn’t help at all with the naming effort during the entire pregnancy, and then only seemed to care during the one moment you were the least able to focus on it. You built this child, you gave birth to her, and you will breastfeed her. You are not obligated to please him every step of the way. Yes, of course you should both love the name. But if he is so incredibly unwilling to even have a productive conversation about this subject throughout the entire pregnancy, and then calls your ultimate choice made under pressure “two dumb names,” that is a textbook example of emotional abuse. It is inappropriate behavior for a partner, period.
I know these forums are always focusing on making both parties happy, and there are a lot of excuses made for husbands who do this. I think it’s time to realize that it isn’t fair, and it isn’t equal. I know it may be wrong of me to criticize your husband when I don’t know either of you, but since you asked for help, this is my honest response. He is in the wrong here.
For the record, I think your other children’s names are GORGEOUS ([name_f]Fiona[/name_f] is my favorite name!) and I think you should pick whatever name YOU would feel proud to announce.
[name_m]Feel[/name_m] free to private message me if you have any thoughts on this comment.
I absolutely agree with this. It does sound emotionally abusive to me.