I’m 28 and have been married for 5 1/2 years. Not pregnant, not TTC just yet. Probably this year though.
Like a lot of you, I’ve been a name nerd for practically my whole life. Many people in my life know this about me. And they expect/assume that I’ll choose amazing names for my future children. I expect myself to choose amazing names for my future children. I have a reputation, d*mmit! lol But my husband just does not understand. He rejects every name I suggest.
I don’t usually like unique names or spellings. I’m not a [name]Rylee[/name]/[name]Kylee[/name]/[name]Kaylee[/name]/[name]Aydyn[/name]/[name]Cayden[/name]/[name]Jayden[/name] person. The most unique I’ve gone is [name]Quinn[/name] for a girl. I think it’s adorable with a feminine middle name, like [name]Gabrielle[/name] or [name]Ashley[/name]/[name]Ashleigh[/name] or [name]Alexandra[/name]. Anyway, my husband used to like [name]Quinn[/name], and now he doesn’t. He wanted to use [name]Ashleigh[/name], for his step-sister passed away from cancer, but he’s not that into it anymore, after I graciously worked it into my list out of sympathy.
Have any of you experienced this: your partner 1) doesn’t understand the naming process, 2) doesn’t understand the expectations you have for yourself, 3) doesn’t suggest any names? (Except for [name]Crystal[/name] and [name]Lauren[/name], and then [name]Renee[/name] for a mn. :eek:) Did your partner eventually get into it? Like when you actually were pregnant or, you know, when you were in labor? lol
My husband and I are struggling now because we had different approaches to naming. Our tastes are similar but slightly different. We both love traditional names, but he is into the ubiquitous classics ([name]Elizabeth[/name], [name]Ann[/name], [name]Catherine[/name]) whereas I prefer those in the middle spot, saving the number one space for a refreshed classic ([name]Amelia[/name], [name]Caroline[/name], [name]Claire[/name]). That’s not really the problem, though.
We struggled because we were adopting, and he didn’t want to really discuss names until we at least were matched with an expecting mother. Well, we ended up getting a surprise placement of a baby already born, and there was pressure to name her asap! We came up with a nice name, but it has one of his style as a fn and one of mine as a mn. Since naming her a couple of weeks ago, I’ve been struggling with the commonness of the name and the loss of a few of my favorite names (due to similarities with the chosen first name and the fact that we used one as her mn, which she won’t really get to use). We are considering changing her name now (maybe just switching the fn and mn). We now agree that I should have just made a list of a few name combos that I loved, then allowed him to have veto power (since I’m a name enthusiast and we have similar taste in names). He cares about names, too, just doesn’t obsess over them the way I do. We both wanted to be accommodating of one another’s wishes, and the result is a great name, but one that I have doubts about. [name]Just[/name] not sure it’s THE name, if you know what I mean. I totally get your thing about being a name enthusiast and having high expectations about what you’ll name your children now that the time is finally approaching.
It’s funny, because I can totally relate to you on every point.
He doesn’t get how, for me, the naming process is detailed, multi-step, and complex. I created a chart listing my favorite names, along with their meanings, nicknames, origins, popularity (currently and historically), overall style, namesakes, and personal associations. He just puts together names.
He doesn’t get how big the name thing is for me, especially when it comes down to sibling sets and what goes together. I get on a site like this and feel like my approach is normal, but he is dumbfounded that this is so intense and important for me. Not everyone thinks about names the way name lovers do!
He has suggested a few names, but he doesn’t readily explain why he likes them, and he doesn’t really want to engage in a thorough discussion of names. Like you, I entered into the process with my own ideas but very much wanting to choose a name together, one we both love.
I definitely recommend hashing out a name (or a list of potential names) beforehand. Personally, I would like to have a bunch of sibling names (five girls, five boys) figured out in advance, then determine which one fits the child or which we’d like to use for the child after birth or during each pregnancy/after an adoption match (since I’m also very interested in whether or not names go together, and if you care about that, then creating a sibling set can be a very difficult process and leave some heartache if not thought out in advance).
Good luck as you prepare to consider names! So glad that you’re getting an early start on talking with your hubby!
Thanks for replying and sharing your experiences! It helps to know I’m not alone.
My approach to names is really just what sounds good to me and what goes with our last name. Our last name starts with a B, so no B names, as I don’t like name alliteration. I think to myself- would I actually call my own child this? There are a lot of names that, sure, I could use, but there are others that I just [name]LOVE[/name] with a passion. And I’ve had to get over a few names because he totally dislikes them. I’m so excited that my top name choices are not in the top 100 names in the U.S. If I mentioned this to my husband, he’d probably think I’m crazy for even knowing that there’s a national list. lol I sat down with my huge names book and went through the whole thing, writing down potentials and narrowing down from there. He, on the other hand, seems to pull names out of the air. To me, that’s empty and disorganized. I’m hoping that when I’m actually pregnant, he’ll have an epiphany- this a real person who will need a real, great name.
That’s so exciting that you’re adopting or have adopted! I thought about that, but my husband said only if we can’t have our own. I get that, but I’m sad for all the children who don’t have families and just want to bring them all home.
I do understand. Completely. It’s tough when you can’t find anything that your partner will agree to. My DH has been great at saying no. The only way I got him to agree to a name for either kid was after making list upon list and narrowing my favorite names down to a list of 5-10 names. And what was worse was that on a level, he simply didn’t care about a girls name. I finally found a couple of names to pick from that he was indifferent about and then he said he was OK with using one. Sounds nice that he just consented like that, but a little disheartening when I wanted him to love the name with me. MN’s were worse. Ouy! It had to have a certain flow that he couldn’t describe and just made me spout off combinations that he could say yes or no to.
He was more picky about [name]Jude[/name]'s name, so that was its own battle. At least with our son’s name, he had friends that were having kids around the same time. They would talk about names briefly, but that’s how he really started to love our son’s name. Whoop, go peer discussions! The mn was a little easier for [name]Jude[/name] because I just had to match it with classics that I loved. That’s what DH is into. Classics. Our partners can make it tough, but it will work out in the end. [name]Just[/name] make sure you stick with names you love and you might drive him so nuts that he’ll finally start to like one of them :).
Also, congratulations on adopting, jroflo! I was adopted, so I love hearing about others who choose to adopt. I truly admire those couples who want to adopt.
When we started talking names “for real” ( when I was actually pregnant, before that imho it was theoretical) I realized that we had different styles. He liled names like [name]Patrick[/name] and [name]Allison[/name] where as I was more into [name]Tavish[/name] and [name]Astrid[/name]. We obviously compromised, but yeah, if he was in charge of naming the kids their names would be more run of the mill. ( Although he did choose [name]Bronwen[/name] from a,list of 5 names we had both liked on the day of her birth).
We didn’t agree on a name for our first dd until 24 hours after she was born. With our second dd, we agreed on names on the way to the hospital while I was in labour, her name is [name]Quinn[/name] [name]Alexandra[/name] btw:) I am due with baby #3 in 10 days and we still have not agreed on a boy or girl name, however I think we have a couple of names that both of us would agree to…
I feel like guys will usually only take it seriously when you are pregnant. I wouldn’t worry too much until you are showing. Sometimes guys need to see it to really think about it.
