Husband's Friend Ruins Name Choice & Husband Can't Commit (long-ish post)

Boy Names
1

I had a name picked out. My husband actually agreed to it (which is like pulling teeth to get more of an “eh” or “meh” outta him). Anyways, for the past 20 or so weeks, we have loved the name: Wulfric [name_m]Hume[/name_m]. Sounds kind of odd, but the explanation of how we got there is pretty neat. [name_m]Hume[/name_m] is a long-standing family name on my side. It is an alternative to the name [name_m]Holmes[/name_m]. I love the [name_m]Sherlock[/name_m] [name_m]Holmes[/name_m] stories with my favorite being the Hound of Baskerville (about a supposed werewolf hunting a family). We are both of heavy [name_m]German[/name_m], Hungarian, and surrounding area descent and decided that Wulfric sounded like it represented that heritage with its harder sounds. We were surprised with how many people actually liked it. I figured we would get more nose scrunches that anything, but folks in our lives liked the thought we put into it at the very least…until his friend. Ugh.

This friend spent hours flooding my facebook messenger with “better” name choice and criticizing and making fun of the name (and indirectly our child…or maybe I am being too sensitive, but I digress). Normally I would have ignored it…but possibly again due to hormones and being sensitive, I can’t though after literally pages of shaming against Wulfric [name_m]Hume[/name_m]. Paired with the fact that my mother and father obviously hate it, I am just sorta done with it. Mom asks me everyday if I am sure it isn’t a family name because it is so odd, why else would I choose it. Gah! Mom! My dad hates his dad, and even though he didn’t know is Grandpa [name_m]Hume[/name_m], I think he hates him (and the name) just for having raised that boy became my Grandpa and apparently a shitty dad to my dad.

…And now we are back to exactly where we were about 20 weeks ago. I hate it. Starting all over and trying to engage a husband who seems apathetic about the name choosing process back into the game. He thinks everything is “meh.” I can’t get him to look up names or write out a list of favorites. I picked a bunch of names I liked, then told him to cross out the ones he hated, asterisk the ones he loves, and don’t put anything by the ones he likes but doesn’t love or hate. Out of 100 names of varying origin, spelling, stuffiness, aloofness, etc, he liked 5. But he doesn’t love any of the 5. I told him to try and pick no more than three names off the list for each name that he thinks would work for a middle name for his top 5 picks, and I would do the same…then we would compare…see what overlapped / etc, then make a list of favorites, then just keep that list until the birth and see which one fit. Seemed easy and reasonable to me. Apparently not. His list is still blank days later…it literally has only been moved from its original spot because the cat skittered across the table and moved it a few inches.

We tried an App that is supposed to be the Tinder of [name_u]Baby[/name_u] Names (swipe left if you hate the name that pops up, or swipe right if you like it). The App would then show the list of names the partners both loved…I couldn’t even get him to do that. We ended up agreeing on only two names: [name_m]Roman[/name_m] and [name_m]Gideon[/name_m]. Too bad they don’t work well together, or we would be set. :stuck_out_tongue:

I decided tonight that my favorite is [name_m]Theodore[/name_m] [name_m]Edmund[/name_m] Vogler. He could be [name_u]Teddy[/name_u] as a kid, [name_u]Theo[/name_u] when/if he wants a “sexy name” (I’ve thought about this ever since someone said “imagine his wife having to moan ‘ooohhh archie’ during sex” when I suggested [name_m]Archer[/name_m] during my first pregnancy), and he could be Grammpa Ted when he is older. He could have a professional name with [name_m]Theodore[/name_m] or Ted and a fun name with [name_u]Theo[/name_u] or [name_u]Teddy[/name_u]. I never really liked [name_m]Edmund[/name_m] until I saw it paired with [name_m]Theodore[/name_m], and then it just felt right and I got a warm feeling in my chest when thinking about seeing a blonde toddler bopping around with that name. It is a lot different than our original choice.

I haven’t brought it up to my husband though…so now I am scared I have found a name that I am in love with and that is kinda actually normal…and my husband is going to reject the hell out of it. sigh

2

Wow. Poor you, sounds like this is really stressing you out. [name_m]How[/name_m] long until your due date?

I do believe that the naming process should be mutual and that both parents should have an equal input into their child’s name, but that works both ways. It’s not just about making sure both parents’ favourites are on the table or that both can veto names if necessary - it also means that both parents should show interest and bring something valuable to the discussion.

If all your husband is willing to offer is an “eh” or “meh” without actually offering anything constructive, then he’s falling down on this last point [name_f]IMO[/name_f]. I get that baby names are often seen as a “girly” or “mum” thing and also that some dads might not feel that close bond with their child until they actually meet them, so maybe naming doesn’t seem that pressing to him right now or he feels awkward getting too stuck in, but out of respect for your feelings and involvement with the new baby he should be offering more than that in terms of input.

It sounds like you’ve tried loads of different ways to get him to engage with this and have put more than your fair share of effort in just trying to get him to participate! I’d take a step back. He’s a grown man and shouldn’t need nagging and handholding to get him to show an interest in something that’s so fundamental for his child. That sounds really harsh and I’m sure he doesn’t mean to be so dismissive, but it’s not your job to “parent” him into this process!

If you love [name_m]Theodore[/name_m] [name_m]Edmund[/name_m] (which I [name_f]ADORE[/name_f], by the way - great choice!), go with that for now. If he really objects strongly to it then perhaps it will spur him on to being more proactive with his own suggestions. If not, and it’s another “meh” or “like it but don’t love it” response from him with no further input, then I’d just use it anyway. He may need to meet his new son and hear the name actually in use to “learn” to love it.

Sorry, very long reply there but this annoys me! It must be so frustrating dealing with a partner who seems to have no strong opinions - you don’t want to feel like you’re just imposing your favourites but at the name time the baby needs a name and there’s nothing else coming to the table!

Here are a few more ideas if you like names like [name_m]Roman[/name_m], [name_m]Gideon[/name_m], [name_m]Theodore[/name_m] and [name_m]Archer[/name_m]:

[name_m]Asher[/name_m]
[name_m]Abel[/name_m]
[name_m]Abram[/name_m]
[name_m]Solomon[/name_m]
[name_m]Simeon[/name_m]
[name_u]Rowan[/name_u]
[name_m]Griffin[/name_m]
[name_m]Arthur[/name_m]
Artan
[name_m]Julian[/name_m]
[name_m]Oliver[/name_m]
[name_m]Nathaniel[/name_m]
[name_m]Jonathan[/name_m]
[name_m]Bennet[/name_m]
[name_m]Christian[/name_m]
[name_m]Silas[/name_m]
[name_u]Elias[/name_u]
[name_m]Sebastian[/name_m]

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If your husband thinks [name_m]Theodore[/name_m] is “too normal” (though [name_m]Theodore[/name_m] [name_m]Edmund[/name_m] Vogler is a great name), what about Theofric / [name_m]Theodoric[/name_m] / [name_m]Tedric[/name_m]? Very similar, with the same nicknames, but also remind me of Wulfric. Leofric, [name_m]Alaric[/name_m], [name_m]Cedric[/name_m], [name_m]Kester[/name_m], [name_m]Osric[/name_m], and [name_m]Oswin[/name_m] also come to mind.

Or even [name_m]Edmund[/name_m] itself?

4

I definitely agree with [name_f]Katinka[/name_f]. It’s his child, he should be showing at least a little interest in the process of naming him. If it is stressing you out to do all the legwork while he offers a very minimal input, you need to rethink how this is going to work. If he just doesn’t care, then simply tell him the name you’ve chosen and that if he disagrees he has to make a counter-suggestion. If he can’t come up with anything more constructive than ‘meh’, your choice is what you go with. It may be that the name really isn’t that important to him, and in that case I think at least the parent who is invested in finding a good name should get their way, because what does it matter for the ‘meh’ parent, right?

On the other hand, he might be dealing with some other issues and I think you should perhaps try to find out what is going on. My partner is of the firm opinion that you can’t pick a name until you meet the baby. Trying to get him to agree to something before, even in a noncommittal ‘put it on the shortlist’ way, is like banging your head against a wall. You can pester and pressure all you like, it’s not going to happen. That’s just how he feels and I have accepted it, although it stressed me a bit at first. However, he definitely cares about the name and will say if he theoretically likes or dislikes something (I don’t think he has ever said he ‘loved’ any name though) and he was also very open about the fact that he would not be picking anything until after the birth, so it’s probably not the same thing going on with your husband. But it might be something like that - he might be feeling that the baby at this stage is such an abstract idea that he can’t take name discussions seriously or treat it as a priority. You may find that once he meets his son and gets to know him as a real little person, he is ready to go with finding a name for the little guy. Maybe reassess your own feelings - is it really that urgent of a matter? When is your due date? Can you take a little bit of time after the birth? If you can let go of your stress over the matter, you might both have an easier time of it.

It is difficult when two people in a relationship have different priorities and one person thinks something is urgent when the other thinks it is a low priority. I definitely sympathise and I hope you two can find a way through it that doesn’t lead to any resentment.

P.S. Your husband’s friend sounds like an insufferable dickhead. If one of my partner’s friends treated me that way, he’d no longer be welcome in my house (you are NOT being too sensitive) and I would honestly be disappointed if my partner didn’t feel the same way. I hope your husband recognises the extreme disrespect this person has shown towards his wife and unborn child.

5

Tell the friend to get a life. Who makes fun of a used name to the parents? I say discard all that immaturity and name your baby what you love.

6

I agree with @boyandgirl don’t let that jerk ruin it for you Wulfric is a really fantastic, a unique but recognisable name with meaning for you and sounds like the animal, the wolf. Pretty cool.
But if it is too late for you and it’s just ruined then go with [name_m]Theodore[/name_m] [name_m]Edmund[/name_m] (great name) privately for now. [name_f]Do[/name_f] not talk about it with your parents, they also sound a bit overly critical, and if husband shows no interest than just leave him be until the due date comes or the week before. Then pester him. I couldn’t get my husband to pay any attention and in fact he ridiculed me and closed down any name conversation before it could get going. I did eventually right at the end of the pregnancy get him to say what names he liked off my list. I think for men it sometimes isn’t real until the baby is born. I now treasure any small clue about names that occasionally drops, so it turns out he thinks [name_f]Mabel[/name_f] is a great name. After three daughters together you think he would have mentioned that?! Especially as I love the name [name_f]Mabel[/name_f] too.
So just make your own lists, don’t make lists guessing what he will like because you are probably wrong and then will edit out names you love because you think he wont like them and it might turn out that he does (we had that with last baby [name_f]Daphne[/name_f] and with name [name_f]Mabel[/name_f]). [name_m]Just[/name_m] focus on what you like. Keep trying out [name_m]Theodore[/name_m] [name_m]Edmund[/name_m] for size. It is a really string classic name but I did like the story and romance of Wulfric [name_m]Hume[/name_m].