Hello. My name is [name_f]Lily[/name_f]. I am married to [name_m]Kevin[/name_m]. We always wanted three kids, and shortly after our marriage, we welcomed: [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] [name_f]Rose[/name_f] (8) [name_f]Hannah[/name_f] [name_f]Kate[/name_f] (6) and [name_f]Isabelle[/name_f] [name_f]Lucy[/name_f] (4). We weren’t planning on a 4th, but, we welcomed a healthy baby boy 3 years ago, who we named [name_m]Colin[/name_m] [name_m]Thomas[/name_m]. My life with 4 kids has been crazy, and even though I was on BC, I ran out and I forgot to refill for awhile (I would tell you how long, but I honestly cant remember). Anyways, our anniversary was in [name_u]March[/name_u], and about 8 weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. The 12 week scan revealed it was twins. Stunned, shocked and very nervous can describe my feelings to say the least. I am just really afraid about handling 6 kids. They are due in [name_u]December[/name_u], and I cant even bring my self to pick names, look for clothes, or even talk about the pregnancy with my family and friends. I cry, ALOT, about it, almost every night. I know I will love these babies, but I cant help but feel I am selling the other short by adding more. I just want some mommy advice, about anything to do with raising twins, 6 kids under age 8, or just how to get over this. I am going crazy and I just need some help to prepare. Thanks to all who reply.
I only have 2 kids and couldn’t imagine having more, so I can’t exactly relate to how busy you must be. But I did have a very unexpected baby #2, and it was horrible timing. I cried a lot and seriously considered an abortion. I got extremely depressed, and realized I had to go get help. If you ever feel you are extremely depressed there is help.I found a women’s clinic who not only delt with PPD but with depression during pregnancy, and they follow up with you much as you need after the baby. If you need this hopefully in your area they have something.
As for what you can do to get prepared, I started making doubles every night and freezing them. I would make 2 lasagnas or casserols and freeze one. Same with things like hamburgers, chili and soups. Ask some family and friends to come help after the babies are born. Maybe your mom/or in law can come stay a couple nights or more. Then someone else, hopefully you can have someone come at least for a few hours to help out. And you also have 2 older girls who are going to be extremely excited for 2 new babies. I’m sure they will love helping out a bit.
I don’t have the personal experience to help (not even 1 precious child yet, but I’m still trying). Your situation did remind me of the genealogy work I’ve done–so many families in my ancestry with 8-20 children being raised without electricity, running water or any modern conveniences. I can’t even fathom how they managed, but they made it, and you will too. [name_m]Just[/name_m] take it one day at a time and enlist as much assistance from family and friends as you can get! Best of luck to you!!
Like the others I can’t really imagine your situation, having no kids myself, but your feelings of being overwhelmed, out of your depth, and uncertain are 100% understandable.
Look around you and see who you can enlist for support. Friends who’d be willing to give of their time, church groups who’d lend support, social service programs that could council you and connect you to good programs, family that could step up. What about working with your older kids to start to build up a sense of responsibility and ownership in the family process. An 8 year old girl can do a lot more than you might think in terms of helping with cleaning and keeping an eye out for the younger kids. Now is the time to foster teamwork.
I understand. I am currently pregnant with twins. And while we only have the one older son, I completely lost it last week - so worried about finances and space, and how everyone assumes that we can go buy a new larger car - not getting that I don’t think we can take on another car payment with a monthly increase of $1000 a month in daycare.
We wanted another baby for so long, but the concept of 2 at once is daunting. And having so many friends who struggle to have one baby… I don’t feel comfortable discussing it with them.
I suggest finding an unbiased person to talk to. That means, outside of the church, state or school system. Talk to your OB, tell them that you need a sounding board. They will have the references for you.
you will love these babies as much as your other children, and they will all be happy together. But that doesn’t invalidate your feelings now. You have the right to your feelings.
Good luck. hugs sent your way.
I know a couple families with 6+ kids. They have told me once you hit 4, life is already crazy the extra kids aren’t as much of an adjustment as going from 0-1 or 1-2 or 2-3. You won’t have less love for these babies, or for your other kids - you will have difficulty with time management and financial matters most likely, and things like meal planing. Get your kids to help out with whatever is appropriate for their age levels, and enlist help wherever you can from family members and friends. I know it’s scary now and not what you imagined/wanted for your future, but once the babies are here and you get used to the changes you’ll be okay.
Well, I’ve never been in your situation (don’t have children yet), but my heart goes out to you. I want to echo what @girlymegz said above. If you’re feeling totally overwhelmed and crying nearly every day, it might be worth talking to your doctor and potentially going for counseling. Depression is very serious, especially when you have several children to take care of, and perhaps just having someone to talk to will help.
[name_f]One[/name_f] of my friends is the third child of four, and his mother said once the fourth child came around, things actually got EASIER rather than harder because the oldest were able to help out. It seems like now would be a good time to get your older children helping around the house (if they aren’t already) and with their younger siblings so you can rely on them to be more independent when the children arrive.
Are you talking with your husband about your feelings? He may need you to tell him how he can be most helpful, whether it’s housework, getting the house baby-ready, or just taking the kids out sometimes so you can get a break. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you have family or close friends in your area? Are there teens or college students on your street who may be able to act as a mother’s helper when the babies are born? Many people are afraid to ask for help, but I really believe we need to be in community with others.
Also, personally when I get overwhelmed, I find taking very small steps can help. If it’s too much to think about how you will adjust, start with one small thing, like organizing baby clothes (if you have some left from your older kids), or researching double strollers, and don’t think just yet about all the other choices you’ll need to make.
I agree with katie-- after 4, it gets easier!
Here is some advice about Twins - I posted a large reply in that thread and some others had some good hints too: Nameberry - Welcome to the Nameberry Forums!
Here is a thread about sibling spacing and large families:
Twin mom thread:
[name_f]Love[/name_f] the advice of the berries here so far – set small goals, make small plans, get some freezer meals going, talk to someone (DH, outside person, doctor even if needed). You can do this. I always feel better about situations that make me anxious by educating myself…reading about the topic, making lists of what I need more information about or what exactly is causing fears. Are you nervous about finances? There are some steps you can take to cut expenses in your family or review your budget now. You mentioned being worried about selling the others short by having to care for newborns - well you will have some of that at times. [name_m]Set[/name_m] up some plans to get the older kids involved in the babies - assign them jobs, keep them involved and engaged. Keep talking to them. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if I have to care for the babies, I was always talking out loud to the older ones telling them what I was doing or what we’d be doing next - asking them questions, having them help me, etc.
Sorry, I’m not sure what other specific examples you have. If you have questions, I’d be happy to help- I just need more specifics because I tend to ramble and get [name_m]WAY[/name_m] off track! No one needs to read my jibberish 
We have 6 kids – 11 and under (4 under age 3). I’m very busy - always something to do in the house or one more load of laundry waiting, but I’ve gotten really organized the past few years and that definitely helps. I break down cleaning by area of the house and days of the week. We give the kids chores and encourage them to help out. We all work together as a team. My DH works really long hours, not so much right now cause he’s in transition, but his typical schedule was 80 hrs a week with overnight shifts a few times a week. That does leave alot on my shoulders alone most of the time, but that has forced me to organize, take control (I’m not one that lets kids walk all over me or make the rules in the house!), and stay positive. Hang in there – being a mom is tough and having 4 kids and dealing with pregnancy hormones while preparing for 2 more kids is alot to stomach!
I have three little boys and it is very hard times. I would love to have more! I dont know about six, though. I do have a friend who has six kids, three boys and three girls, and she is pregnant with their 7th baby! She does look stressed out alot, but I do ask how it is. She always answers she cant imagine life without all six of them.
It will be hard, but when you get the hang of it, you`ll be a SUPERMOMMY!!
Good [name_m]Luck[/name_m]!
I’m only pregnant with my first, but had to respond because your situation is EXACTLY what happened to my parents: 3 kids intentionally pretty close together, a 4th “oops”, and then “oops” twins! The oldest was just 8 when the twins were born.
So, I don’t really have advice for you, but hopefully this is encouraging: my family survived and we’re all college-aged or older, pretty functional adults. 
Re: the worry that you are selling the others short. I guess there are material ways in which I grew up differently because I have a lot of siblings: we always shared cars, rooms, etc; we didn’t go to private schools; we had to get scholarships, financial aid, loans or work for college…But I would NEVER [name_u]EVER[/name_u] change any of that for having fewer siblings. My siblings are absolutely the best gift my parents ever gave me. And having to share cars, etc growing up made me a more flexible, less self-centered person, I think. Plus, especially now that we are all adults, I just feel so thankful for each of my siblings. Recently I’ve thought about how, someday down the line, my parents may need a lot of care or may pass away, and I am so thankful to think that I will have my brothers and sisters to share those burdens and griefs with. I have a friend who is an only child and just lost her mother, and I just cannot imagine going through that loss without brothers and sisters to be alongside you. There’s just no relationship like a sibling–that combination of family and friend, someone who has known you forever and shares your childhood memories…
Also, re: spacing. It was and still is really fun to all be close in age. I mean, yes, I don’t know how my mom survived the first 10 years or so…but being close in age allows you to share life stages, really be FRIENDS with each other, have other friends in common, etc…For example, the oldest graduated college only 6 years ago, and the youngest are in college now. So we understand each other, are interested in similar things. Also, now a couple of us are married and starting to have kids, and it’s fun that hopefully our kids (cousins!) won’t be really far apart in age. As for you as a parent, I think my mom has said that, in a way, it was nice to get all the baby/little kid parenting at once, and then all the preteen/teenage issues, and then the college/emerging adulthood issues…easier in a way than having a baby and a teenager at the same time.
So, I just really want to encourage you to think about the gift you are giving to your other kids, not about what they might miss out on. Like I said, I would not trade having 5 siblings for anything. (Honestly, I want to have a lot of kids just to give that gift to my children, though now that I’m actually an adult and have to think about all the logistics, practicalities, it seems more daunting.) Also, I (and all my siblings) have good relationships with both my parents. (Though my parents aren’t perfect, and of course I can think of various things they could have done differently or better…but overall, I know they love us and have always tried to be good parents to us.) I think you [name_f]DO[/name_f] have enough love to go around, as long as you’re intentional with pursuing healthy relationships with your kids, and recognize that each one is an individual whose relationship with you will be a little different.
[name_f]One[/name_f] practical note: I know when my mom had the twins, she had two different girls come and help out at the house, each for a month or so. They were distant relatives from Germany (my mom is also [name_m]German[/name_m] and speaks it) who wanted a chance to spend some time in the US and learn English. I was only 6, so I don’t remember much about it, but I’m pretty sure they helped watch us older kids and did a lot of housework. I would definitely encourage you to think about if you have any relatives who can come and help you out after the twins are born, or even if there’s a way to have a volunteer au pair who wants to learn some English…or even just a neighborhood teenager who can come regularly to watch the kids. Definitely find any good help you can get for that transition. Also, decide what you need to do to make your life easier for the beginning stages. EG, my mom actually homeschooled us for much of our schooling, but the year she had twins, my older sister and I went to public school (we were the only school age ones). The twins were born in the summer, and my mom recognized that with two newborns and 6 total kids under 9, there was no way she could homeschool that year. So, think through your life and do what you need to do to survive the first year or so. There’s nothing wrong with easing up on extracurricular activities for the older kids for this year or so–they will be fine, they won’t get way behind in soccer or ballet or piano or whatever if they miss a year at this age, and they will be having a great, once-in-a-lifetime experience of getting to know new twin babies! Probably better life-experience and lessons than they would get at any extracurriculars.
Yes to everything that’s already been said! I just wanted to add some positives. I come from a family of 6 kids, I am second to the youngest and probably the biggest oops (I was conceived when my mom was on BC). Anyway, I couldn’t imagine life without my 5 siblings. Things weren’t always easy, my dad worked really hard and my mom ended up doing a small daycare out of the home because there were a lot of us and she wanted some extra money. I didn’t get everything I wanted, but I did get what I needed. Coming from a family like that definitely helped me with the lessons you learn as you navigate adulthood. My siblings are the greatest friends I’ve ever had, I feel lucky to have that many people that have known me forever and will always be there for me. There are 3 girls and 3 boys, I am the youngest girl. We are all adults with the youngest being 25. My parents never thought they’d have more than 3. Sure, you might have some tough years, or you might not, my mom has always said that us 2 youngest were the easiest and really didn’t feel much different than having 4. We had built in playmates for everything - oh those 2 are doing that, well I’ve got 3 others to see if they want to ride bikes with me. But also realize how great this will be when they are adults. When my parents get really old and sick - they have 6 kids to help pitch in, I have 5 siblings to lean on - you have no idea how great this is, how comforting it is. Well you might, but seeing my in-laws struggle to take care of their parents with only 2 of them doing all the work and feeling stressed, I feel so lucky to have all the siblings I have. I also have 13 nieces and nephews from the older 4 siblings and I love having this big family to be a part of. Holidays are so much fun. We all visit each other at our parents about once a week, the adults have board game nights and all the kids watch movies together or just play. I love these nights.
I am sorry, I kind of rambling now, I just wanted to shine a light on some positives. I really like being one of six, I really like having that many people in my corner. And I know my parents love having this big family they didn’t think they’d have. I hoped I helped a tiny bit.
lois and bex - loved reading about your experience growing up in large families! Thank you so much for posting