On here looking for advice. We had a very stressful time after my baby’s birth she was in the nicu then she came home and suffers from colic and one very sleep deprived night before her registration appointment I agreed to a middle name my partner wanted to honour someone who is living.
[name_u]Ever[/name_u] since we registered her im constantly getting upset about her name, I truest do not like it at all. The name is not out there and will cause no bearing on her life, but I have dreamed of this little girl my whole life and I cannot help but get upset that I don’t like it.
I know we couldn’t possibly change it now as we’ve told the person being honoured. I’ve considered changing it to a variant of the name but I don’t know if this is still offensive. There was also a name I loved suggested by the person we honoured which I wanted as the middle but again I feel we can’t fully take away the name now.
Any advice appreciated am I just hormonal from giving birth? Has anyone else felt like this?
It’s really eating away at me. I know it’s just a middle name but I’m so upset about it. Being on lockdown is probably not helping as it’s all I think about.
Being upset is completely understandable!
I think you should give it some more time (think a month, not six!), and if you still feel this way you should do something about it.
Your options, as I see it, are these:
[name_m]Add[/name_m] a second middle name. That way you can keep the honor name, but use one you love as well
Change it to the variation you like more. Talk to the person you’re honoring and say that you love them and you’re glad you get to honor them, but this name doesn’t feel right for YOUR baby, so you’re going to use something that still honors them but feels more like her.
Good luck!
Name regret is a common issue, you’re not the only one! Sometimes the name just doesn’t “click” and you realise this after the baby arrives. That’s not a bad thing
and you can still look for the right name for her.
Using a variant of the honoured person’s name is a good idea and I don’t think it’s offensive, still honouring the person. Is there any you love? If you want you can create a topic about it and the community will help you with creative ideas
Using the name they suggested is also a lovely way to honour. Maybe you can ask the person’s feelings about that way?
Double middles are an option too, if you like them. You can use another name you love and keep the honour name/its variant.
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been going through such a difficult time, during a pandemic nonetheless. Feeling stressed definitely makes sense, hormones notwithstanding!
Honestly, it is your child, and I think you can change the name no matter what - maybe to a variant, or to the name the person you want to honour suggested. I am sure they would still be touched by the gesture, and given the difficult circumstances, I’m sure they’ll understand why you felt rushed into making a decision when you chose the middle name.
I also think adding a second middle name could be a lovely solution.
Unfortunately it wouldn’t flow as a double. I think I’d prefer just the one ideally too, but this is a good compromise indeed.
The middle I love which was suggested by the person and my mother as a first name is autumn. We decided not to use but I’ve since realised her birthday is on the first day of autumn next year so I thought it would be quite sweet although I think my partner wouldn’t like to take away the other name fully. Perhaps a variet of the name is the best way forward.
Thanks so much for your comment. I will speak to my partner about maybe a variant. Or using the name suggested and see how he feels. I think he’s bored of me talking about it every day now hence seeking other help!
I see previous posters have already given you some good ideas on how to deal with this, but I wanted to add: I think it also depends on the person you’re honoring. I mean, if they’d be understanding if you told them you wanted to change the name after you’ve explained it, then change it. If they are less understanding, then I’d probably go with a variant of the name.
If a mom came to me as upset as you are, I would be fine with her changing the name even if it were my name. You and your child will have to live with this name forever so it is worth a nice conversation with the one honored. I doubt the person would want you to be in pain.
Baby name regrets seems to be common I think choosing a name is overwhelming especially with everything else that comes with pregnancy, birth & what subsequently follows. Having a baby & taking care of a baby is tough!
If I was you I would just give yourself time to think about her name. You could end up loving her name and not wanting to change the name at all. Alternatively you could still feel how you do and if you do I would make some changes.
Concerning the honour name I would potentially look at variants of this name and also speak to the person you are honouring see how they feel about the honour name. If you think it’s too awkward to change the honour name or loose the honour I would give your daughter two middle names the honour and the middle name you want.
I love the idea of honoring someone by using a name that they love/suggested. I think it is just as, if not more so meaningful.
If you feel deep down that you won’t fully get over it, talk to the person whose name was honored. [name_m]Say[/name_m]: “We chose to honor your name because we love you, but after thinking about it for a while, we decided to honor you by choosing the name you love and suggested to us; rather than simply the name you were given at birth.” I think he/she would greatly appreciate that gesture, and you would have a middle name that you love and does honor the same person.
It may be a little uncomfortable to approach the conversation, but I think all parties would be happy with the outcome.
Good luck!
All the parents I knew who had initial name regret, came around to the name after a couple years. Watching your child grow and learn their full name and how to spell it - One day it just seems to fit them.
Thank you all I think I am at peace with the name now. It’s my horrible just not what I would have chosen but my partner has talked me through how lovely it is that it has meaning and I feel better. Thank you all.