I’m only 18, a long way off from kids and a family, but this has been on my mind a lot lately.
I desperately want to be a mother someday, but I’m not too keen on the husband part. I think its because of my dad. When he is happy he is a very nice, easy going guy, but when he’s mad he turns into a raging bull. He’s not a very educated man and does’t have good communication skills. He gets frustrated very easily at the smallest things (usually he its when he can’t find something), and if you say or do one “wrong” thing he starts screaming and yelling at the top of his lungs. He gets in your face and spits and threatens to slap you (one time he actually did). It’s terrifying. My mother is usually home during his “fits” and she usually does nothing to stop it. When I ask her why she says because she can’t undermine his authority. They have to present a united front and if he’s “punishing” me then she can’t stop him or it would send mixed messages. I honestly am fed up with this response because my sister and I are not children anymore (18 & 14). We don’t talk back or misbehave like we used to. We just say something that he doesn’t like and suddenly its World War III.
I am totally repulsed by my father. I cannot stand him and his antics anymore. The problem is I think my disdain of him has spilled over onto other guys. I can’t imagine being in a relationship with a guy. When ever someone flirts with me I immediately shut him down. I feel like the guys I know must think I’m so mean because every time I’m around one I feel like I need to show that I’m in control of the situation. I don’t want to end up in a relationship like my parents where one is walking on eggshells around the other. My father was totally charming, happy, even tempered guy before my parents had kids. His ugly temper only showed up when I was old enough to misbehave. My mother has admitted to me that if she had seen his horrible temper when they were dating she would never have married him.
I am so terrified of ending up in an abusive relationship I’m seriously considering being a single parent, either through adoption or IVF. But I know its really hard to adopt as a single parent and I know both options are really expensive, especially for one person. So my questions are…
Is marriage really the way my mom says? [name]Do[/name] you have to go along with whatever punishment your partner is using, even if you know its not right?
[name]How[/name] do you know that your partner is who they appear to be? [name]How[/name] do you know they aren’t going to change after having kids?
[name]How[/name] do I loosen up around guys?
If I chose never to get married, how hard do you think it would be to raise one or two kids on my own, starting in my late twenties?
I know this is a strange thing to ask but I just can’t imagine my future without kids in it. If I don’t learn how to trust men then how will I ever have a family?