So here’s some background. Right now, we’re living on my grandparents property. My grandparents have already told me if I get pregnant they’ll kick me out. I have absolutely no where to go. Does anyone have any suggestions about how to tell them so that maybe they won’t kick me out?
i have talked with my grandma about wanting a baby and trying to conceive. Her general reply was “well I think you should wait.” this isn’t their house, the house actually belongs to me mom and she really has final say in whether or not I can stay here but I’m worried about my grandpa making a fuss. I didn’t know ahead of time my grandpa would be this way until Monday this week after I was already pregnant when he made an offhand comment about if I was pregnant he’d send me to live with my mom.
I didn’t know ahead of time.
It isn’t their house, it’s my moms, and i have talked with them about all of this before, but not recently.
I really wanted some opinions on how to approach it given that yesterday he just said that and now I’m worried.
We’re already saving money to get our own place, but I’m afraid of what they’re going to do.
On a brighter note, I need some fun ways to tell my husband.
I’m hoping they won’t and it’s just a bluff to make me not do it but too late! I just need help finding a delicate way to tell them and a fun way to tell my husband.
I’m no expert but I think you should start asking your grandparents about your name combos and if they like them and whatnot. Then start asking them what nn they would call her and they might start to work it out. You could also ask them about their knowledge on baby clothes/cots etc. IDK
As for your husband I have no idea! [name]Just[/name] do something subtle and mysterious and keep dropping things into conversatons until he catches on.
I’m hoping they’re bluffing about kicking you out too. It’s not like you’re a reckless teen mom who doesen’t know who the father is. You’re happily married and have put much thought into your future plans (I remember your other post about how to have a baby on a tight budget). Maybe you can incorporate some of your planning ideas when you’re breaking the news to them. That way they’ll know that you’ve carefully considered your action plan. End with something like…“We’ve wanted a child for a long time and it would mean so much to us if you could be happy with the news and give us your emotional support at this time. We’re about to embark on a new chapter in our lives and we want you to be part of it”.
Fun way to tell your husband: if you’re artistic, draw your own baby card (with a stork carrying a baby on it) and write a congratulations note to him inside to surprise him!
I think the WORST time to kick you out would be with a baby on the way! If they say anything, remind them that they’re punishing an innocent little baby.
I think I would be too excited to tell my husband in a mysterious way. I’d just run up to him screaming with joy lol
I almost did! He came in and I was all teary and shakey so I just ducked my head and walked to the living room quickly. He’s playing a game now. I’m talking to another friend about it now, so it’s a little easier to hold my tongue.
Honestly, I would have talked to them prior to trying to conceive. At this point I think the respectful thing to do is move out since they did make is clear beforehand and you got pregnant regardless. You are in your right to have a baby with your husband of course but the fact your grandparents are doing something as accommodating as providing you and your husband a place to live, I think it’s the responsible and honorable thing to do. I would explain to them that you and your husband were trying to conceive and you understand they had set rules in place but it does not change your family plan. Kindly and lovingly explain how much you wish to stay there however you understand there were consequences if you went against those rules and will move out if it’s still what they want.
Are you on a set lease? If so they cannot force you to move out in such a case but it can create some issues in the relationship with them.
In regards to telling your husband, I say hide the HPT in his sock or underwear drawer or something and let him find it.
I actually agree with tina, their house their rules. But I’m sorry anyway!
As for telling your husband, I have no idea! Something cute like mischa said! (You’ve probably told by now though…) I got pregnant by mistake so I was nervous when I told my boyfriend…
Well, no I’m not living in their house. I’m living on their property in my own house that belonged to my mother. It’s far back from their house, and they have no control over the house, but since it’s their property, they are trying to kick me out.
And, they didn’t tell me they’d kick me out till [name]Monday[/name] of this week. I got a baby magazine in the mail and my grandpa checked my mail for me and when he found it he said “You better not be pregnant, if you are, you’re going to live with your mother.” So Actually, I didn’t know ahead of time, and I had actually spoke to my grandmother about my plans, but I think she forgot.
I haven’t told yet. I might try to wait a day or 2 and take another test to be absolutely positive. The lines were both there, but a bit faint. i’m %100 now, but it won’t hurt to wait.
Agree with this wholeheartedly. They told you what the rules were if you wanted to live on their property and you and your husband chose to break those rules. The mature and responsible thing to do would be to be honest with them and accept the condsequences.
Isn’t your husband in the armed services? Because if he is then I don’t see why you can’t afford a place to live. You should be able to move onto base/post or get a housing stipend.
Well, that changes things! Hopefully it was just something he said, people do that all the time! i hope things work out for you, it must be so stressful and that’s not what you need right now!
About telling you husband; my boyfriend’s brother’s wife told her husband by putting her childhood doll in their cat’s basket in his office. I’ve seen photo’s, it was really adoreable, the doll was nicely wrapped up in a babyblanket and everything! Pretty cute.
@ [name]Pansy[/name] – again, they didn’t tell me when we moved in, My grandpa told me on [name]Monday[/name] (after I was already pregnant) that if i got pregnant I wouldn’t live here anymore. I didn’t choose to break rules, I was unaware those rules existed until it was too late.
Agree with this. Also why didn’t you just wait to get your own place before ttc? That seems like the smart thing to do.
You’re an adult and it is their property, they have every right to kick you out. I would suggest maybe looking for an apartment before you risk not having a place to live at all.
I honestly don’t think there is anything you can say now that will change their mind unless they were just bluffing. Maybe if you had brought it up beforehand and were open about wanting a baby, they would listen, but at this point, I think it’s a “crash and burn” situation no matter what you say.
[name]EDIT[/name]:
[name]Just[/name] saw your last post. But it is still their property so they still have every right to kick you out. It’s a little harsh, but there’s not much you can do unless you are on lease and paying rent. My cousin’s parents kicked her out, so I wouldn’t take what he said lightly… so I would quickly start looking for an apartment or another place to live in case worse comes to worse.
I agree with [name]Tina[/name] too. But maybe ask for 3 months to find a new spot. Maybe when you ask for that they’ll offer more? It probably wouldn’t hurt to marvel about how they will be great grandparents!
sigh. I’m going to edit my original post so I don’t have to keep repeating myself. i have talked with my grandma about wanting a baby and trying to conceive. Her general reply was “well I think you should wait.” this isn’t their house, the house actually belongs to me mom and she really has final say in whether or not I can stay here. I didn’t know ahead of time my grandpa would be this way until [name]Monday[/name] this week after I was already pregnant when he made on offhand comment about if I was pregnant he’d send me to live with my mom.
I didn’t know ahead of time.
It isn’t their house, it’s my moms, and i have talked with them about all of this before, but not recently.
I really wanted some opinions on how to approach it given that yesterday he just said that and now I’m worried.
I wish I could actually get some help rather than people not reading that I didn’t know and have talked to them before.
I really don’t have any experience with any of this, nor is it in any way possible for me to relate to, but I understand your frustration, especially when people who reply haven’t bothered keeping up with the details.
I only have one recommendation, tell your husband as soon as you can. Talking to us about this is probably not going to help very much, talking to him probably will. Take some time to be happy together, then take some time to talk about how to approach your grandparents. I’m sure it will seem like a different kind of mountain to climb if you are doing it together.
Best of luck!
I agree with pp that you can take a bit of time to talk about it with your husband before you worry about approaching your grandparents. You probably have a couple months before you would HAVE to tell them, so you can definitely wait a few weeks to find the right moment, and right thing to say.
As for the fun part of telling your husband! A friend of mine ordered Chinese food and snuck her own fortune into one of the fortune cookies. It took him forever to figure out that she wrote it and just thought it was a weirdly specific fortune (they didn’t think they could have any more kids). It was hilarious and really cute. So there’s an idea if you want to be really creative. When I told my husband I just took a picture of the positive test and texted it to him.
And Congratulations! I know that you are stressed out now with the worry about your living situation, but this really is a happy thing and a special time in your life. Best of luck!
In THAT case, I say go back to him with the magazine, shrug your shoulders and cutely say “Well, I guess you should have said something sooner! Today we found out we’ll be getting more copies of this magazine in the mail for the next nine months!”.
[name]Even[/name] if the house is your mom’s though, if it’s ON their property, it’s their right and their call. I don’t recall you mentioning that your husband was in the military, and if so take advantage of the BAH. It’s quite generous and you guys can live in your own place that way, even if it is on post or a rental. We did rental because we could pocket more money that way, but most families with kids go on post because you get more house (depending on his ranking). You could always do a one bedroom for now until Sept 2013 and have the baby sleep in a basinet in your room and then move up to a 2 bdrm.
Either way I do understand if they do not want to let you keep living there much longer. I wouldn’t argue with them or put up a fuss. You are your own family now and it’s probably time for you to move on anyways. Good luck!
