I posted this on the Mom’s board, but I really need advice, and unfortunately not too many check it out over there so I’m going to try and post it here. I really need some advice. I appreciate it more then you know… And I apologize it’s so long.

My husband and I dated for a year and then got married. Two months now. We’ve known eachother since we were 14 (we’re now 24) and have always been close friends.

The only problem… His ex.

My husband has a daughter, who is going to be 2 in [name]September[/name], with his ex-girlfriend/fiance. They were together for about a year and a half when they found out she was pregnant and he proposed to her and she accepted, but they truely didn’t belong together and it just didn’t work out with them. They stayed together until [name]Mackenzie[/name] (thier daughter) was 4 months old. And they both decided that it would be better to raise [name]Mackenzie[/name] as co-parents, because it was more damage then good with them together.

[name]Paul[/name] (my husband) and I started dating shortly after [name]Mackenzie[/name] first birthday. This is when the problems started with the ex. She knows me, but we were never really friends, yet all she had to say about me were terrible, hurtful things, and plain lies. We chalked it up to her being jealous and just not wanting another woman potentially being a ‘‘mommy’’ to her daughter. I never tried to by [name]Mackenzie[/name]'s mother. I love her to death, but I’m beyond respectful of the fact that I am not her mother and the ex is, and a good one at that. We always figured that the ex would eventually settle down, especially once she got herself a boyfriend. I was sooo happy once she did.

But… nothing has changed, it’s getting worse. [name]Paul[/name] and his ex have completely joint custody, 50/50. He’s not just a ‘‘weekend’’ dad, a lot of the times he has [name]Mackenzie[/name] on her mother’s days because she has whatever else she has to do. It is in the agreement that no parent can talk bad about the other parent in front of or too the child. Which doesn’t happen. But unfortuanatley it doesn’t state anywhere about significant others, so his ex still talks about me and tells some of the most horrible lies, and she tells them to [name]Mackenzie[/name]!

[name]Paul[/name]'s ex thinks, for some unknown reason, that I am a drug addict. Which I am not, I won’t even take tylenol! I have even willingly summited to random drug testing to the court as a stipultion while we were dating because his ex didn’t want me anywhere near her daughter. I passed every time with no problems what so ever, and so the court ruled that [name]Mackenzie[/name] would not be in any danger in my presense. The fact that I had to do that is ridiculous, in my opinion, but I did it without hesitation because I have nothing to hide. The ex though still thinks I am a drug addict though and talks about me to her family and friends. I could care less about that. HOWEVER, last night when she called to say good night to [name]Mackenzie[/name] right before she got off the phone she said( to her TWO year old daughter), “I love you sweetheart, not like that f**king cokehead.”

ARE YOU SERIOUS??? Who talks like that to their child, especially to a two year old? I am at a loss as to what to do… My husband and his ex go back to court at the end of [name]September[/name], and there will definately be said something said about this, and something will have to be added to their agreement. But what can I do in the mean time? And even once something is done about it, I don’t think it’ll stop. [name]Do[/name] anyone have any advice for me?! Please, I am honestly begging. I just don’t know what to do anymore. And to top it all off, my husband wants another baby. And so do I, desperately. We want to completely our little family. Right now though I guess I wouldn’t say that we are activiely trying to concieve, but if it happens we’ll be really happy. I’m just concerned about what new things his ex will have to say about it all. Not that it would really matter what she has to say about it, other then what little seed she might plant into [name]Mackenzie[/name] head about the ‘‘what if’’ baby.

I’m starting to ramble, I’m sorry. I just really need some advice. I apperciate EVERYTHING. Thank you.

Hey Nari,

[name]Just[/name] to let you know that I replied on your other thread.

Again, best wishes,

Hello Nari,

I am part of a blended family and I co parent with my ex who happens to live in another country. It is for sure hard to co parent and I think that the new bf and gf that come in often get a shitty deal. The best thing that happened to us was getting a “parenting coach”. The judge in our custody dispute ordered us to go and we were able to resolve everything with her. She just basically acts as a mediator, she is also a child psycologist so she can speak of what is in the best interest of the child. A lot of times there is a lot of animosity between ex’s and they cant even hear each other. Now 2 years on things have settled but we still use the coach sometimee, its good to know that we have a system in place to deal with these things. For example when my daughter started calling my partner daddy we all went, including her biological father, to discuss. When Bio father wanted to introduce his gf to [name]Lila[/name] again we talked to our parenting coach, it helped cuz it was a safe place for me to say thing that were a little vulnerable.

[name]How[/name] this lady is treating you is not ok but most importantly it is damaging for her daughter. I don’t think it will effect your relationship with the girl but it will effect the girls relationship with her mother because sooner than later she will realize how manipulative mom is bein. These events should for sure be documented, write them down on your calender, always put mom on speaker phone so u and [name]PAUL[/name] can here whats going on. Report everything to your lawyer. Ask your [name]Lawyer[/name] about all 3 of you seeing a parenting coach, this will also make [name]Paul[/name] look good in court since he wants to resolve problems. Maybe if this mother hears that you respect her position in the girls like and only want to be a loving part of her life like an aunt then she may calm down.

best of luck,

[name]Meryl[/name], thank you! I really apperciate the response. We do document everything. My husband and his ex were going to a mediator for a while and things started to get straightened out, and then his ex decided she wasn’t getting enough of what she wanted so she denied mediation and everything that they had agreed on was thrown out. :confused:

I guess there really isn’t much more that we can other then what we’ve been doing, and just hope the it all works out for the best.

Thank you again! I’m happy that you have had your issues with co-parenting resolved. It honestly makes me feel a little better and more hopeful of my own situation.