I think 3 or 4 is a good number, but it depends on the genders. If the 3 were all boys or all girls, I’d definitely try for one more (and if that baby isn’t the opposing gender, then I’d stop anyway as it’s out of the awkward amount) but if the 3 were not all the same, I’d stop. I’m the middle of 3 children and alliances happened all the time when I grew up, and still happen occasionally now. I think it’s only bad with three because two will rally together and the third would be lonesome, yet I’ve noticed those who have more than three don’t usually have this problem, and with less than three there isn’t a problem to be had.
Right now I have no children and I’m not TTC, so I guess I’ll see what happens when I do start a family.
[name_m]Hi[/name_m] to a fellow Finnishberry; I’m not technically Finnish but my mom’s mom was (her name was [name_f]Carol[/name_f] Nikula). I like science, literature, and languages, too. 
We have four kids (three boys, one girl) and I’m cautiously expecting #5. My husband says we are DONE after this but if that weren’t the case–and money were no object–I’d say it would be perfect to have two more girls (total of 6). Unbelievable amounts of work but lots of fun, too.
Our oldest three are very close in age, and it’s true: alliances are an issue. [name_m]Will[/name_m] and [name_f]Elise[/name_f] are currently a lot closer than [name_f]Elise[/name_f] and [name_u]James[/name_u]. And then there’s a constant rivalry between [name_u]James[/name_u] and [name_m]Will[/name_m]. If you’re aiming for four kids, my advice would be (if possible) to space them so that two are closer, then you take a break, then have another two. One of the biggest reasons I’m insisting on a fifth is not to push my luck with my husband, but to give [name_m]Zach[/name_m] a sibling close in age. I think that’s important.
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I’ve always wanted four, and am currently pregnant with my fourth. I’m another who doesn’t like the dynamics of three (having grown up in a family of 3 til I was 11). Two was too few for me, and any more than four seemed like a really big family, whereas four is big without being really ‘out there’ and unusual (at least where I live).
After my first two were born, I started to want five, I just loved babies and being a mum so much that I didn’t want to stop at four, even if it meant an unusually big family. But after #3 was born, I kind of felt like four would be enough again - possibly due to getting older and realising how hard it could all be!
Interestingly, with three in the family for now, I’m not having the trouble with alliances that I thought I would. I think this is mainly to do with my children’s personalities: #2 has quite a ‘big’ personality so doesn’t tend to get lost in the middle as some middle children do. And #1 is a bit of a loner so simply isn’t bothered when the others team up. But I don’t know whether it will always be like that! Won’t get to find out anyway as they will be a group of four in a few months.
There’s pros and cons for all numbers of children. Its all a matter of deciding whats most important for you. A couple of deciding factors for me included wanting my children to learn to share and wait and be part of a team, which they get a lot more of in a bigger family. And I’d hate to lose a child before their time and end up childless. [name_m]Even[/name_m] with a family of two, I know of cases where one has died and the other moved far away and the parents are left very devoid of family. Can still happen in a bigger family, but far less likely.
I’m not a mom, but in a dream world I’d go for 3 or 4. If I had 3, I’d hope for 2 boys and a girl; if I had 4 babies, I’d want 2 of each. Since we are in dream world, I would either want them spaced out so I could give them more attention at each developmental stage or insanely close together so I could do all the stages at once. Although, all the proms, graduation, and college close together…yikes.
I’d have no issue having only one because I had no problem growing up an only child and now that I have a sibling, I miss the stress free life it afforded me, but as a mom I think I’d be a helicopter parent with just one. Also, I know siblings might not help out when parents get older, but as an only child who may have to take care of 4 aging baby boomers some day…it would be nice for some help.
Edit: I would be too old to do this, but if I could have 1, then space it out 10 years, then have another they would almost grow up like only children.
It kind of depends how life goes. I’m definitely having kids but if I’m still single by the time I have kids, I’ll only have 2. Whereas if I’m in a (long term) relationship I’d love to have 2 biological children, and maybe 2 adopted. I definitely wouldn’t only have 1 though. I’m an only child, and whilst it’s okay, I’d rather my kids not experience it. I actually completely agree with @mill1020, about the 2 close together, gap, 2 close together, and that’s exactly what I want if I do have 4 children in the future.
Obviously I’m still young so I’m likely to change my mind, and it may not just be me making the decision, but that’s my perfect (realistic) number of kids. As for genders, I have this feeling I’ll have a boy last, which probably means in real life I’ll have a girl last XP. I also want an equal number of boys and girls, so I’d love to have a girl, then a boy, or girl, boy, girl, boy, if I have 4.
It kind of depends how life goes. I’m definitely having kids but if I’m still single by the time I have kids, I’ll only have 2. Whereas if I’m in a (long term) relationship I’d love to have 2 biological children, and maybe 2 adopted. I definitely wouldn’t only have 1 though. I’m an only child, and whilst it’s okay, I’d rather my kids not experience it. I actually completely agree with @mill1020, about the 2 close together, gap, 2 close together, and that’s exactly what I want if I do have 4 children in the future.
Obviously I’m still young so I’m likely to change my mind, and it may not just be me making the decision, but that’s my perfect (realistic) number of kids. As for genders, I have this feeling I’ll have a boy last, which probably means in real life I’ll have a girl last XP. I also want an equal number of boys and girls, so I’d love to have a girl, then a boy, or girl, boy, girl, boy, if I have 4.
I think a lot of people take for granted being able to get pregnant (or adopt) at all. Many people can’t. If/when I am blessed with even just one healthy child, that will be the happiest day of my life. And if that’s it, that’s it. There’s nothing wrong with having/being an only child. Both my husband and I are. There are pros and cons to only children, as well as multiple children. If it turns out that we have one healthy and happy child, flourish as parents in that family dynamic, and find that two or more children would be right for us, then I’d like to try for more. But no more than three. [name_m]Even[/name_m] three seems like a lot. My ultimate bliss would be two boys about two or three years apart in age, or a single boy. If three kids, then two older boys and a much younger little girl. But none of us has any control over that, either.
[name_m]Hi[/name_m] 
Cool! I like to meet those with Finnish heritage. And also, thanks for your advice.
Good luck! I agree with you about your fifth. Your son will definitely appreciate having a little sis or bro close in age. My younger brother and I are 13 months apart, but we’re practically twins (not in personality though). Boy did we have a rivalry going on. Both of us were jealous if our older brother spent more time with one over the other lol
But, after so many years, we’ve both mellowed out and enjoy each others’ company. I think that’s what it’ll be like with your three oldest when they get a little older
My DH and I are on the same page with this (thank goodness!). We want 2, and a max of 3. I grew up the middle of 3 kids, but as we are all 2 years apart in age. To me growing up, 3 was the perfect number. And majority of the families I know have 3 kids.I love being so close in age now that we’re adults, my brother is 21, I’m 23 and my sister is 25.
My husband is the eldest of 4, and we definitely think that is too many for us. They are all 2 1/2 years apart, but that means that DH’s youngest sibling is 16 and he’s almost 24.
I don’t really care about the genders, but if I HAD to pick, I’d say a girl and a boy. DH wants all girls haha.
DH and I are still having the 2 vs 4 debate. He wants two and I want 4, but we won’t start TTC until fall. Both of us grew up with just one sibling, but while I want a bigger family than that (more siblings for my kids), he thinks that two was perfect for them. We’re both close to our siblings. DH and his sister were born three years apart to the day, and my brother and I have a almost 4 year age gap. I would rather stop at 2 than have 3, cause I think 2 will always be closer. /: The thing we do agree on is that we want our kids as close in age as possible. We are not super keen of the idea of repeating the same milestones many years later. As for gender, if we only have 2 I would prefer to have one of each. If we have 4, I’m not as picky. It’ll be ideal to have at least one of each gender, but I’d be happy with 4 boys or girls. It’ll make buying stuff a lot easier!
I would honestly love to have 6-10, but it would have to depend on financial situation, maternal age, what my partner would like, etc, but idealistically, I’d love to have 6 or more.
I have two and am expecting my third right now. Before we had kids my husband and I agreed on four kids. Then we had our first and he dropped the number down to three. After our second he felt done for awhile but once she started getting older he came around to having a third. We’ll see what happens now. I know he has many points although I think we could afford four kids if we stop with three we would be able to give them more advantages and have more extra income. We also live in a townhouse and it would be really tight with four children. However I always had four children in mind and I’m having some trouble wrapping my mind around the idea that this one could be my last baby. We’ve already got a boy and a girl and are expecting another girl.
I would definitely be on the higher end of the baby count. Undoubtedly even having one healthy baby is a blessing and if the only children I bear are my two precious boys and this wee one in my womb, I would be content. BUT if I am allowed to dream, I would say an even dozen would be my perfect number. My smaller dream is 6-8.
That will seem crazy to most of society but I grew up around lots of large families and loved their dynamics. I knew families with 12-14 kids or 8-10, though 5-8 was the most common. Everyone generally got along and looked out for each other. They had instant playmates and since they had to share almost everything it was hard for them to become spoiled or overly selfish.
Now I am from a family with four children and our family dynamics were fine so I know smaller families can work, but though I am grateful for my siblings I wouldn’t have minded having more.
So whether I have just these three or God blesses me with more, I am thankful. If I am able to have many children, I would jump at the chance. Big families aren’t for everyone but to me they seem like a wondrously worthwhile adventure.
Oh my gosh, that’s great news! Can’t wait to hear what you name her.
Brave lady. My dad is one of nine (he’s #4). But at my high school there were three siblings who were the youngest of 17 children (!!!) Mormons…
Not to try to dissuade you in any way, but I know a family w/ seven kids fairly well, and the thing that gets tough is all fitting into the same (affordable) car. That particular family has a mega-van (12 passenger) and lives close to extended family, and the mom told me her [name_f]MIL[/name_f] is at her house every day (I would die). Might be hard finding a babysitter who’s brave enough to wrangle all of them if you don’t happen to live close to your folks. Which reminds me, our amazing date night babysitter is long overdue for a raise!
Saving for college is a whole 'nother story, too…
When I was still a kid myself, I would declare that I was having at least 7, with at least one adopted. Now that I’m older, have learned how expensive everything is (and I don’t even have kids yet…this is just bills and living expenses :/), and am in a relationship, I am wanting two at the very minimum. It’d be a huge blessing to have just even one, though. My fiance, at first, said that he only wanted one. Then it went to one or two. We’ve since decided between 2-4, probably with at least one adopted (if that works out for us). I don’t know though, sometimes he will talk like we will have/he wants only two lol.
Ideally, he would prefer having two boys over two girls and would love at least one of each. I would love to have (pushing for closer to four kids lol) two boys and two girls. I’m just stuck on the two girls…I just love the sister relationship and want my girls to have each other, even though it can get dramatic at times. Growing up, I only ever lived full-time with my two younger sister (two-ish years and six years younger), so that is all I really have experience with.
If we could, we’d like to have them close together. I really wouldn’t want the oldest and the youngest to be more than six years apart. My older brother is six years older, and we are pretty much strangers, despite having similar personalities. My youngest sister is six years younger than me, and same thing. My brother and oldest sister were like 15 months apart and grew up best friends. My fiance’s oldest two siblings were around 3 years apart and were fairly close, but he was like 7 years younger than his older brother and 7-ish years older than his youngest brother. They had to practically raise each other. I want my kids to be siblings, not strangers or parents to younger ones.
That’s the ideal though…anything could happen in real life.
I like even numbers, so two or four would be good for me. For the sake of naming I’d happily have 6+ children, but I think two is the perfect number for me.
As for my SO, he dreams of us having triplets (!!). He thinks three is the perfect number, and obviously wouldn’t mind having them all at once, lol.
This is such an interesting thread! When I was little I always wanted loads of kids, I think about 5. I’d love for little bee to have some siblings, but I’m not sure how that will all go to plan! In reality, she probably won’t have a brother or sister until she’s at least 5 or so. If I’m going to wait that long, then I’d like to be fully prepared - financially, physically and emotionally, and have two more that are younger and closer in age. My brother, [name_u]Finn[/name_u], and I are very close, so I’d love for bee to have that sense of closeness and support, but he has two month old twins who bee will likely be very close to.
Wow, what I’ve really gathered from writing this post is that I’ve got no idea where I’m at for how many kids I want!
I want one of each, a boy and a girl, so if we could get that with two, that would be lovely. I am willing to go up to 4 to get one of each, but it is a lot harder to do things with a big family rather than your standard family of four. I do not want odd numbers of children, no ‘only child’ or middle children for me. Twins run in my family so I would love to have twins, my mom thinks that would be great as well. If it were a boy/girl set of twins, I might consider a third child, because there really wouldn’t be a middle child and I do see myself pregnant at least twice in my life.