If I ended up with a trans* child I’d most likely let them pick whatever name they wanted if they’ve expressed a sincere desire to transition (although if they were still under 18 I’d exercise veto power should they choose something too bizarre). Basically I’d treat it the same as a child that wanted to change their name for whatever reason with one big exception: I’d get it legally changed (if that’s what all parties want) before they get a driver’s license, have a job, graduate high school, etc. The reason is that doing it at such an age will largely (with exceptions like government security clearances where they can trace you back to birth) relieve them the need to explain their former name when applying for jobs, credit, etc. (they’d have no more need to mention their former name than someone who was adopted at said age).
I would support my child in being who they are. I agree very much with namefan about helping her/him get a legal name change before the license, job, and diploma. The only thing that upsets me about possibly having a trans child is whether they would want sexual reassignment surgery (because I wouldn’t want them to lose their ability to have orgasms, which happens sometimes). Other than that, I wouldn’t be very upset about having a trans child. I’d rather have a trans child than have my teenager become a parent in high school, or start using hard drugs, or join a gang. Those latter issues seriously compromise one’s future, so are much worse, yet more common. Looking at it that way, if the only issue your teenager has is being trans, you’re kind of lucky (fear of discrimination and hate crimes aside). I’m not a parent yet, but that’s how I see it right now.
This is just one of the many reasons reasons I like unisex names, so that people won’t always feel so strongly about the need to change their name if they are trans (the names I have on my list are either unisex, or gender-typical and I have a unisex or opposite gender nickname picked out).
@namesy: As you said I’d probably insist that they wait until they’re a legal adult before doing genital work (but of course can socially and maybe hormonally* transition before then) so they bear the responsibility if something goes wrong. (On the other hand it’s common for boys in the U.S. to have a procedure done right after birth that can have negative sexual effects so there are plenty of parents who don’t think about the effects of their children’s future sex lives.)
*At least using blockers to prevent irreversible effects from the hormones of their biological gender, and maybe farther into their teen years giving them the appropriate hormones.
I agree with this. Blockers first, hormones a couple years later. It’s a big decision and sounds scary as a parent because hormones are so powerful, but all I have to do is imagine myself turning into a man and how upset I’d be, and then I know I’d help my child grow into who they really are, whether that’s man, woman, or someone in between.
I’d do my utmost best to support them. Luckily a lot of therapy is required before any life changing surgery is done, so by the time we’d get around to that I’d know he/she was sure of the choice.
As for names, I’d probably try to help with suggestions, but ultimately it would be their choice.
This is a great idea. I agree and even legal reasons aside, the less time spent as a person s/he didn’t feel “fit”, the better. I know my husband would have a much more difficult time with it, but I hope having 3 gay siblings and an uncle would help so that he’d at least have a more open perspective to begin with. I’m supportive of whatever enables my children to be the best possible versions of themselves and whatever I can do to facilitate that, I want to do.
Well, I’m bigender with a strong leaning towards FtM trans* (female to male) so if [name]Persephone[/name] decided one day she just wanted to be [name]Percy[/name], I’d support him all the way. I’d buy the binders and packers and I’d teach him how to pass and do vocal exercises with him. I’d do everything that no one was there to do with me. Of course we’d do therapy and hormones if I thought it was safe, but no major surgery until he could pay for it on his own as an adult.
As for the name, I’d do everything I did to choose [name]Persephone[/name]'s name in the first place. I’d sit down with him and make lists, talk pros and cons, just do everything in my power to help him find a name he truly loved.
Letting a trans kid pick their own name would be a lot easier than letting them make the decision to hormonally alter their body before age 18…let alone consider surgery. I am all about gender fluidity and would 100% be there for my kid and call them whatever name they felt comfortable being called and help them dress & identify as what ever gender they wish, but I am so freaked out about the medical side. I would be too busy researching holistic ways to stave off the f/m signs to worry about names!
If my child came out as trans, I would support them. Let them wear whatever they want and let them call themselves whatever they want. I think I wouldn’t put them on hormone drugs until they were a lot older, and they could make more of an informed decision.
[name]Even[/name] if I had a son who was straight but wanted to play with dolls - I would allow that as well.
I would support my child completely and encourage him/her to do what made them happy but I would insist on waiting until the age of 18 before making any permanent decisions such as a name change or hormones.
If my girls wanted to be boys, I would allow them wear boy clothes etc. and encourage them in any way I could, let them know what they are doing is okay and that we still love them, but no name changes or hormones till the age of 18.
I’m not trying to demean transgender people but a lot of kids go through phases. My sister wanted to be a boy from the age of about 7-12 and while my mum let her join the local soccer team and got her a short-ish hair cut, she wouldn’t indulge her completely, and my sister grew out of it. She’s now the most feminine woman you could meet and would have no idea that she was such a tomboy as a child.
If I was sure it wasn’t a phase we would cross the name change/hormone bridge when they became informed adults.
I don’t encourage gender stereotyping with my children anyway, there’s no such thing as “that’s for boys” or “that’s for girls” in our house. When I take [name]Amelie[/name] clothes shopping, we look in both the boys and girls section and she can pick out whatever she wants. Same goes for toys. 99.9999% of the time she’ll gravitate towards the girl item anyway, but I like giving her the choice. She knows she can have either and that its acceptable.
I would completely support my child, there is no question about that. I do think that blockers would be a smart decision while thorough research regarding options were done, and what the safest and most effective options were. (I also agree with what a previous poster said about a son playing with dolls. If my son wanted to play with a doll he could have all the dolls he wanted and if anyone made him feel weirdly about that…I would probably have a few choice words for them. But I hate the gendered approach to toys anyway, a pink section and a blue section…but I digress).
In terms of names, hmmm. I feel like it is a natural event for a child to be born and then named, and the child goes through life with that name. And the name is largely determined by the sex of the child. So, essentially, let’s say that when little [name]Al/name comes out as trans*, for the parent it’s kind of like that “It’s a BOY!” moment after birth gets erased and is replaced with “It’s a GIRL!” and vice versa. I think, bearing that in mind, that I would like to be part of the re-naming process and that it would be a natural decision to do so. The good part, though, is that the child will obviously be old enough to voice their opinion if they don’t feel like it fits. I think the idea of making a list and seeing if they connect with one of the names is just excellent - because the parent gets to feel very involved in the process but the child ultimately has the control (and, also, the ability to say that none of the names feel right).
I don’t have kids, but I will love any future kids of mine enough to let them be themselfs. Sure, I wouldn’t jump of joy if my child told me s/he was trans, but I would accept it and support them. I do have a cousin who came out as trans a couple of years ago. The parents were really supportive, but the rest of the family has had a hard time accepting that [name]Amanda[/name] now is [name]Adam[/name], and I’ve even heard my own dad say it’s just “some stupid teenage thing”. But as I said, I would support my child no matter what.
Blockers are to stop puberty which for trans kids would be hard. No gilrs want to look or sound like a boy and vice cersa. This thread makes me smile so much. So far no negativity. I would support my child without judgement. As for the name I weould help them. If ur a boy name something girly you’d want a different name.
