My grandparents, many years ago, had a baby that died when only a few months old. It’s extra sad because they know that if he was born now doctors would be able to save him. They also weren’t told when he was born that he wouldn’t live long, because unfortunately there was still a real fear of parents neglecting babies with health problems. [name_m]Even[/name_m] though my grandparents would never have done that and would have cared for him anyway, their OB didn’t know that and made that decision not to tell them.
It was a very long time ago, and my dad doesn’t even remember him, but obviously my grandparents do. My question is, is it insensitive to use his name? I feel I don’t have claim in that grief as my dad was only a toddler. But I feel very separate from it all and I have a hard time remembering that name is sort of ‘taken’ in a sense. I’m leaning toward thinking it’s out of bounds. What do you think?
That’s a tough situation. I would ask your dad and grandparents how they would feel if you used the name. They might get upset thinking about the baby whenever they hear your son’s name being called. Or, they might be happy that you would honor their son with that name. If it was used as a middle name, there might be less of an issue because his middle name wouldn’t be used all the time.
I think it can go both ways, and very drastically at that. They can either be extremely honoured and love the idea, or completely against it and become very upset if it were to be ‘reused’ on another child. It’s best to ask them, we can’t be sure.
Yeah, I think maybe it’s a no go hearing your responses. I don’t think Dad would mind, but I think my grandparents would be upset and that is the last thing I want to do to them. I think they’d get over it as they’re super supportive, but I shouldn’t take advantage of that. There are lots of other names I love. Thanks for your replies!
I think honor names are meaningful and love them in almost every single circumstance… Except ones like this. The person I would honor with a name, my brother, I will not because of the grief it would cause our father. It’s still his name and no one else’s. If a parent has outlived a child I think that name is off limits. Maybe they wouldn’t mind but me personally, I couldn’t even bring myself to ask. But maybe that’s because I already know the answer I would get. You know your grandparents and are the best judge.