Okay berries so I have a question that’s been on my mind since DH and I seriously started talking babies and baby names. We both tend to like unusual names for children and so far have really been getting along at picking names we both love. We plan to TTC in a year and a half to two years. As excited as we are about the idea of a baby we are absolutely dreading doing the name announcement. My mom is very open minded but that’s where it ends.
So I guess my questions are as follows…
”Did you do anything special to introduce your baby to your family/parents/friends?
”If you have an unusually named child how did you introduce the idea of an uncommon name to your family?
”If you kept the name hush hush how did you deflect the non stop “so have you decided on a name” questions?
”In keeping the name to yourself how did you include your immediate family (parents/siblings) in the pregnancy portion of your childs life?
(Also sorry for the recently influx of posts/questions. I’m dealing with some serious family problems and NB seems to keep my mind off of most of it)
Depending on the length of the name, I’ve seen cakes with the name baked in, so that when the cake is cut, you can read the name. [name_m]Fox[/name_m], [name_f]Aria[/name_f], [name_u]Max[/name_u] and [name_f]Juno[/name_f] should all (theoretically) fit.
[name_m]Just[/name_m] like gender reveal parties, there are name reveal parties. In some cultures, they do a name ceremony. It just depends how much you want to get in to it. A name party would be super fun- researching for names with friends. I guess that’s only if you don’t have a name picked, though.
On pinterest, there are tons of name reveal ideas, if you search it. I just saw one that’s a puzzle, so once the puzzle is complete you can read the name.
Personally, I like the pictures that have the top 4 or 5 names in contention, with the winner circled. I think it’d be sweet to have a keepsake of the other potential names… but I would never share that picture because, without a doubt, people would give their opinions on wishing one of the other choices had been picked for the baby
Or if it’s just for grandparents to know pre-birth, finish the nursery, put up the name (you know, those fancy letters hanging from the wall that most nurseries on pinterest have), and let them check out the nursery- they [name_m]WILL[/name_m] notice the name… and then if they don’t like it, they don’t have to comment about it. They can go home, sleep on it, and let it settle with them before they say anything.
We’ll probably be starting to ttc in 2-3 years or so, so it’s been in my thoughts as well
At our gender reveal party, we had a puzzle that revealed our boy and girl choices. We are both [name_m]Math[/name_m] teachers, and if you are from the US, then you probably remember those horrible [name_m]Math[/name_m] worksheets called “Algebra With Pizzazz” with the terrible riddles. We styled our puzzle after the worksheets where they had to solve a [name_m]Math[/name_m] problem to get a letter for the solution. We all had a lot of fun with it. It was funny when they couldn’t so the math and ended up with a terrible name on their worksheet!
I didn’t do anything special. I just told my parents and brothers the names we were thinking about, and then they tried talking me out of it and giving me other suggestions. My dad wanted me to give my daughter my middle name [name_u]Lynn[/name_u] instead of [name_f]Xochitl[/name_f]. Once she was born, I just sent out the announcement and then had people asking how to say her middle name. People will have their opinions, just don’t let it bother you.
I really love the idea of the nursery! Sort of revealing it without making it in your face and requiring commentary. My dad’s already spoken out about my future use of [name_m]Fox[/name_m] “oh well he better learn to fight” which is sort of funny as he gave me an unusual name especially in my age group and I never had issues. We want the grandparents to feel involved because we sort of sprang a wedding on them and they were all sort of left with ruffled feathers at being “left out” (we told them the week before and only decided to get married a few days before telling them).
I have been stalking pinterest! [name_m]Little[/name_m] baby [name_m]Fox[/name_m] or [name_f]Aria[/name_f] will have so many awesome things! I’m sure to overwhelm myself with crafts xD isn’t it exciting though? Seems a little surreal to even be thinking about it!
Oh gosh I do remember those! And I think seeing what crazy names they come up with would be great. I would tell them that the craziest name was “the one”. We’ve considered doing a gag name just for fun. I’ve yet to find one that’s awful enough to work though (secretly I fear that they’ll like it!) I’ve considered some type of puzzle or riddle, potentially for the gender reveal.
I adore your daughters name I can see how her middle name would be intimidating though. I don’t think I’ll mention other potential names when we get to that point because I’d be afraid they would latch on to a name that isn’t “the name” and drive me nuts. I mostly want to keep the peace with my [name_f]MIL[/name_f]. We don’t have the best track record and I want everyone to feel involved and pleasant but I’m so bad at diplomacy with her! My dad will certainly disapprove if the child (boy or girl) is named anything other than [name_m]David[/name_m] but I can easily handle him with no serious damage done.
I would just announce it how you would announce any other name. I personally plan on keeping the name private just in case I change my mind, but there’s probably a select few I’d tell. I love the idea of the nursery with the name already up or the picture with the top contenders. I find that people are usually less willing to say how they really feel about a name after the baby is born. Before? Well, there’s still time to change your mind. After? Not so much. [name_u]Baby[/name_u] is here, birth certificate has been signed, your mind is made up. I’ve been guilty of a bad comment here or there when a friend was pregnant and I didn’t care for the name, but when I found out after the baby was born, I loved the name because I loved the baby!
Full disclosure: I don’t have children, so I haven’t done this before. And I’ve never attended a gender/name reveal event, so I have no expertise there.
I am totally a proponent of keeping the naming decisions between parents (and obviously of asking strangers on the internet for advice) and not revealing them before the baby is born. Partly, I like surprises, but partly, I feel there’s no one perfect name that will delight you and everyone you know, so not telling anyone has two advantages: for one, so long as the baby hasn’t been born, people will still feel they can change your mind, and they’ll make tons of suggestions, and then when you use what you love anyway, they’ll be mad that you ignored their perfectly good advice in addition to disliking the name (or they’ll convince you out of using the names you love, and you, as presumably a name nerd, will be sad about that forever.) For the other, at least if you present them with a baby named (taking one from your sig) [name_m]Fox[/name_m] and they hate it, most of them will probably at least have the decency not to hate it to your face. I know you want them to feel involved, but I think there are lots of ways for them to feel involved in their grandbaby’s life and entrance into the world that have less potential for causing unnecessary conflict. Or maybe a question I should have asked earlier is: do you want your family members to have input in this decision? Because if so, great, but if not, don’t give them the what looks like a platform to cast judgements on the names.
What you could do is, when people ask about what names you’re considering, tell them some names that you like but not the ones you’re really in love with, and/or tell them, say, “well I like ______ and ____ and ____ but he likes ______ and ______ and _____” and only list names that you’ve ruled out. This could adjust their expectations of what kind of names you’re likely to use, but what it wouldn’t do is have them straight-up insult the names you really love. If you end up using [name_m]Fox[/name_m] or [name_f]Aria[/name_f], neither you nor great aunt [name_f]Ethel[/name_f] wants you to have her voice rolling around in your head saying, “[name_m]Fox[/name_m]? Like the animal? But that’s ridiculous! He’ll never learn to read!” or whatever.
Sending you some good tricky-family-situation vibes.
I’m usually all for keeping everything to myself, but my DH is probably more towards telling his mom. He wouldn’t tell her without my consent, but I don’t want it to become an issue and a point of anger so I want to try to maybe have a back up plan if he’s insistent? I do like the idea of leaving an option to change my mind but honestly I’m the type that I don’t care if I told you one name, if I change my mind I’ll just say so with no embarrassment. I’m usually pretty good at keeping my mouth shut when someone says that they’re naming the baby something I dislike (not that I don’t discuss it with DH or my best friend after wards). I guess a part of me kind of wants their honest opinions out of curiosity but maybe it’s to emotionally vulnerable a situation?
Oh it’s no worries! I have no kiddos and have never been to a baby shower/gender reveal/name reveal or any other kind of reveal so I really have no clue haha.
I’ve definitely considered (strongly) keeping it to myself and probably will do so but DH is much more active in his family and sharing information. I’m much more private (I even considered not telling our parents about us getting married simply because I didn’t want to hear their opinions if they thought it was a bad idea). I just want to see if it comes to it and we decide to share the name prebirth a easy way to do so. Which I think the nursery idea pretty much covers haha.
As far as input, no. My rule is that any decision in our marriage will be entirely up to us and I don’t want my parents input (who I love both dearly) or my MILs (who I’m not so close to). It’s really more of a question of if I can just like…shut up about names for 9 long months!? My mom and I talk names a lot so she may be my outlet so that I don’t talk about it to my dad or [name_f]MIL[/name_f] since both are the opinionated “my way is always right” type. It may also be fun to “talk names” but not use ones that are actually on the table. That would keep them feeling in the loop since I can ask what they think without causing much conflict between us since they won’t actually know what names I want to use. I do like the idea of it being a surprise as I love surprises (or surprising people rather). I’ve also considered keeping the gender and name a secret until birth but I figure that will make a baby shower sort of tricky I know I had a disastrous time finding gender neutral stuff when I bought gifts for a friend prior to knowing the gender.
Thank you so much, I need all of the good vibes I can get! We had a huge blow out ordeal over “withholding information” when we got married so I’m trying to make sure that I don’t have these horrible issues when we decide to become parents. We just started to slowly repair the damage between myself and my [name_f]MIL[/name_f] so we may be okay with each other in a year or so and I don’t want to “rock the boat” but that seems to be our theme with big life events.
I second everything oregano7 said :). In some (most?) other countries it’s not common to involve EVERYONE in the naming process. Most parents just keep the name to themselves until the baby is born. The fact that it’s a surprise is part of the fun!
I kept the name between us until she was born (not that it’s an unusual name but I’d have to expect nasty comments from my family no matter what). I felt they were very involved in my pregnancy! I showed them sono pics, my mom even came to some sonos, asked their opinions on baby gear, and listened to their name suggestions with a smile even though I’d never in a trillion years take them. I also said we weren’t set on the name until like 35 weeks…which was true but even if it wasn’t I’d still say it, so they aren’t begging and pestering to hear the same.
I don’t know how knowing the name would make them more involved in the pregnancy!
We have always had the names picked out before the birth (we’ve never found out the gender so have names prepared for both) - and as soon as the baby is born we let everyone (starting with close family know), along with the gender and name. I’d say that’s the most common practise here, except for the gender part as many people find out before and let people know. I’ve only known another couple’s baby’s name before birth in a couple of cases.
I’m another who strongly believes its the parents’ decision to name the baby, and other people have to live with the choice. And for that reason, I generally don’t even discuss names with other family members because there’s always the chance their views will differ.
One acquaintance of mine, who has ten children with fairly unusual names, has developed a practise of telling everyone a false name as a joke - something very unusual and out there, so that when she announces the actual name they all just breathe a sigh of relief!
In my area it seems that everyone announces the name right away. Everyone that’s pregnant that I know (which seems to be everyone I know) refers to the baby by the entire name for most of the pregnancy. I’ve always wondered what you do if the name doesn’t “fit” after all of that? It’d be awkward to change it but I get so indecisive sometimes…
I entirely agree with you. My theory is kind of whoever helped create the baby are the ones that have a say in the name. Oh man, I don’t think I could name 10 babies! It would take me years xD I love the idea of throwing out some goofy names, I think the reactions (especially with my dad) would be hilarious!
What I’m sort of worried about is I don’t really want anyone at the doctors appointments with us and my dad doesn’t care about baby names (if it’s not [name_m]David[/name_m] he doesn’t like it) so I’m not sure how to involve him. He’s lost both of my brothers in the past few years so it’s important to me to involve him somehow. Maybe copies of the sonogram pics would be a way for him to bond?
I’d love to hear my parents name suggestions and reactions to some terrible names I’ll trick them with just for the entertainment value staying quiet over baby names will be so hard, I guess that’s why NB is here!
I do love the idea of a surprise and kind of verifying that the name fits before sharing. I just hope our parents aren’t super pushy. My mom can be and she blabs to my dad and if he finds out DH will tell his mom to be fair. Then it would just get worse and worse xD maybe an embroidered newborn blanket would be a cute way for family to see the name when they were to meet our future little ones.
I’m expecting our #6 and this is the best advice I’ve ever seen on this topic. Use “ruse names” for discussion if you must, but when it comes down to a decision that they will effectively have zero input on, it’s best to not tease them into thinking that they might actually have a say. The parents will feel much more “involved” if you ask them questions about their parenting experiences, how things were “back in the day,” how they made it without all the new fancy gear, how they felt when they found out they were expecting their first, the thing they were most scared of that turned out to be nothing, what was a favorite toy of their babies, what their first word was, how they coped with crying…things like that. They will [name_u]LOVE[/name_u] walking down memory lane and imparting all their wisdom to you on the subject. And a surprising amount of it will actually turn out to be useful, too. [name_m]Just[/name_m] keep them reminiscing and thinking about all those first-days-of-baby. For one thing, it keeps you out of controversial stuff like how to discipline older children. For another thing…they were in that stage of life a long, long time ago and they will REALLY have to sit and think to remember answers to specific things like “how did you make supper when the baby was crying?”
I’ve never had a child, so take what I say with a grain of salt. The nursery or baby blanket ideas sound fantastic. However, be cautious if they aren’t great at keeping secrets and you show them pre-birth. I have heard of pregnancies/gender reveals/names accidentally coming out when some family finds out and tells everyone else.
I’m guessing that your family reallllllllly doesn’t like surprises. If you do plan on talking about names with them, I would sit them down and tell them that if there is going to be name discussions you want there to be a level of respect, even if a name is disliked. To make a face or say nms is one thing, to say the child will be tortured forever is another (unless you are going way out there like [name_m]Adolf[/name_m] or Stalin). None of your names are crazy like that, so I think you’re fine it’s just a matter of taste. If you don’t want to talk names, the “we want to wait until the baby is born to really make sure” seems to be a good way to get people off your back.
I think the biggest thing would be to talk to your DH about sharing information, especially when you two are excited about something like a pregnancy it’s easy for one person to slip up. You two have to be on the same page about what is sharable and what isn’t. Only saying this because I saw a couple at work have a huge argument over that type stuff . I know my rambling probably isn’t helpful because I am more like your DH when it comes to family, so it’s hard for me to see it from another side but together you and your DH will figure it out
Edit: Ahh, so much posting before I could collect my thoughts. saracita00 and oregano7 had wonderful points that were better than what I said. I’m not good at this keeping family away type thing lol
Edit2: I think it’s a guy or dad thing to go to the “he will get beat up/bullied response” when they don’t like a name. It’s the same line my dad says to me.
We laid out from the start that baby will have a weird or unusual name they probably won’t approve of, and it has met some resistance. OH parents seem more accepting than mine. My brother turned round to our parents and basically said well admit it you’d be more shocked if it was something normal, and I think once they thought of it like that they mellowed.
Neither set have suggested names to us, but equally they know we have no intentions of choosing baby’s name until we me he/she. I, like you, can’t name something I haven’t met because it might not fit once born.
As for involving your parents that’s one I may be able to help with a little. Mine spend at least half the year in a different country (roughly alternate months), but after every appointment (I’m high risk there’s been a lot) I’ve had I’ve called and updated them, and we’ve done this with both sets of parents and each set have a copy of the ultrasound pictures which we framed for them.
I’ve never spoken to my Dad so much as I do now on the phone. I did occasionally when away at university, but now every time I talk to my mum he wants to check up on me and his ‘grandbaby’, when I go to visit he gets me breakfast, and always asks if I want anything, and it’s his way of looking after me. He’s a typical older English man and we don’t talk about feelings or emotions, but last time I spoke to him he said he was very excited, so I’m hoping he feels involved.
We’ve never sat down and had a name discussion with them, but they still feel involved.