I have a daughter, [name]Olivia[/name], who is three year old. We are expecting a little sibiling for her due [name]March[/name]. I want to have [name]Olivia[/name] feel like she’s a part of the pregnancy and not left out. I don’t want sibiling rivalry or anything like that. I want her to be as excited as we are! She kind of understands, but I feel like she’s going to be in for a rude awakening when he/she gets here.
[name]Do[/name] any of you moms/dads have any advice on how to get our little [name]Olivia[/name] involved? Have you all had this problem?
Thank you for your advice,
[name]Annie[/name], [name]John[/name], [name]Olivia[/name], and baby.
We were worried about how the kids would react with each baby, but they’ve taken it well. Things we did:
For [name]Oliver[/name], he was still very young so we just explained to him that Mummy was having another baby, and that he would arrive when it was hot and sunny outside (it was winter when we told him). We also visited my friend who had a three month old son so [name]Oliver[/name] could understand what a baby looked like, did, and how much Mum would have to take care of him.
When I was pregnant with [name]Emilia[/name], [name]Oliver[/name] was 4 and [name]Henry[/name] was 2, so we got a book to read with [name]Oliver[/name] about “where babies come from” (developmentally appropriate, of course, no “birds and bees”, it was just about how mum’s having another baby and her tummy will grow) and we took [name]Henry[/name] to visit a friend with a seven week old son, the same as we did with [name]Oliver[/name].
While pregnant with [name]Violet[/name], we did the same thing with [name]Emilia[/name] and took her to meet a baby, and she got a baby doll for her birthday. She carried around the baby doll everywhere, it was named [name]Maisie[/name] [name]Lu[/name]. [name]Emilia[/name] is now convinced she can change [name]Violet[/name]'s nappies…I think we’ll hold off on that.
I think it’s definitely important to include your other children in the process, or they will feel a little shocked when the baby is there, maybe a little left out. It was difficult for [name]Oliver[/name] for the first few days, but he adjusted well and it wasn’t a big deal when the other two came. [name]Emilia[/name] got to come to [name]Violet[/name]'s (then she was just a he/she) baby shower, and was so excited to tell everyone about [name]Baby[/name] Bean.
No kids here, but I have a friend who makes sure to have Special Time with the older sibling. She is a single parent, but Dad can take part too, of course, or take care of the baby while you are with [name]Olivia[/name]. It could be as simple as 20 minutes every other day with no other distractions. Maybe start this now while you are pregnant? That way [name]Olivia[/name] won’t feel she has to compete because she knows she has you all to yourself regularly.
My youngest is also 3 (will turn 4 in [name]January[/name]) and she is semi clueless to a degree. If you ask her what is in my belly she will reply “a baby” but I think she doesn’t realize that this baby will come out and live here etc. We have lots of friends who have wee ones and toddlers so she has experience with them to a degree but once one is in her house and being cared for by her mommy when she wants a snack etc it will be a whole different ball game. Vio has been present for every prenatal appoinent since my midwife comes to our home and she isn’t in school so she hears the heartbeat etc. But like I said, I do not feel at her age she really “gets it”. My one friend gave me the book “What a baby needs” by Dr Sears and I read it to the older 3 a lot when I was pregnant with her…need to find where I put it and bust it out again. It put everything about a baby joining the family into words and pictures more than feeling the baby kick or seeing a friends baby at a playdate. My older 2 kids truly “get it” and [name]Linus[/name] who is 6 gets it but more is of the mindset that it will be this cute little plaything for him to enjoy more than an actual person (at least that is how he views my nephew who just turned 2). Good luck with your baby coming!