See the results of this poll: Should I change my name?
Respondents: 113 (This poll is closed)
- yes : 48 (42%)
- no: 65 (58%)
I don’t think it’s pretentious at all. A person has the right to use a name that they identify with.
I know a few people who changed their names as adults and a lot of people who changed their nicknames. For most of them, they simply felt that their name didn’t reflect who they were as people and started using their middle names, with no legal action taken. I know 1 person who legally changed her name because she didn’t identify with her given name, and she had used her current name in non-legal situations for several years before. I know another person who changed his name because he didn’t feel that his given name reflected his gender identity. I’m not sure if he legally changed it or not, but it’s a new name he chose that is unrelated to his birth name and it’s all he’s been called since he decided on it several years ago.
I think changing your name, particularly legally changing it, needs to be done cautiously. Pick a new name and use it before taking any legal action, and don’t expect people who knew you as [name]Hilary[/name] to call you [name]Ophelia[/name] overnight. I also think you really have to consider how much you dislike your name- [name]Hilary[/name] is a perfectly fine name, and you may change your mind on it; if you’ve always felt like [name]Hilary[/name] didn’t fit you, you weren’t a [name]Hilary[/name], you can’t imagine ever coming to like your name, THEN (and only then) should you really consider changing your name.
You should also be ABSOLUTELY SURE of the new name you pick for yourself. I’d recommend using the new name for several years before even filing paperwork. Changing your name, I think, is a pretty big deal, and I don’t think it should be done on a whim. It also shouldn’t matter if other people think it’s pretentious- if you don’t identify with your name and it’s really causing you problems, why should it matter what other people think? But if the only reason you’re changing your name is because you think the new name will be perceived better, I don’t think you should go through with it.
Best of luck with your decision!
If you’re truly asking for the candid reaction of a stranger who doesn’t know your personality and your full story–as posting this question on a message board would imply–then yes, I would judge someone who was changing their name just because it didn’t feel like “them,” or because it’s dated in style. It seems not pretentious so much as a little immature.
There are certainly good reasons to undergo a name change; if it’s a name with negative associations, if it’s causing you frequent hassle or stress, if you have one of those rare careers where the style of your name really matters. From your brief post, it sounds to me like you’re mostly just displeased with the style of your name. Lots of people don’t love their names; me included! (I’d actually prefer [name]Hilary[/name]–a name with classic roots and admirable bearers.) I’ve come to conclude that a name isn’t really for you to express your identity, it’s for the people you love and the people you encounter in your daily life to use. It’s a handle–utilitarian as well as socially significant and stylistically expressive. As handles go, [name]Hilary[/name] is a pretty good one.
If you’re attracted to what the name [name]Ophelia[/name] conveys, you’re probably a creative or literary kind of person. There are so many other ways to express your creativity and build your identity besides changing your name. Make art, read books, fall in love–be an [name]Ophelia[/name], whatever that means to you. You don’t have to be called by that name to embody the qualities you see in it.
Honestly - I think it’s kinda pretentious. Unless you have a really weird name, I wouldn’t change anything. Personally, I think [name]Hilary[/name] is a lovely name. It’s actually on my long list of girls names. My advice would be not to change your name. I imagine it’s a very difficult process and many of your family and friends will baulk at calling you something else after you’ve been [name]Hilary[/name] for so many years. If I were you, I’d try to find a way to love my name rather than change if you can! [name]IMO[/name], [name]Hilary[/name] is a hundred times nicer than [name]Ophelia[/name]. Think of how amazing the name [name]Hilary[/name] is - it’s meaning is “happy” and you’ve got some great namesakes - [name]Hillary[/name] [name]Clinton[/name], [name]Hillary[/name] [name]Duff[/name], [name]Hilary[/name] [name]Rhoda[/name], [name]Hilary[/name] Swank, and, my personal favourite, [name]Barbara[/name] Hershey’s character from Beaches! Really - it’s a great name. I hope you can love it as much as I do! Maybe we should just do a direct name swap - what do you think of [name]Sarah[/name]?
I am not sure how old you are, but a lot of young people go through phases of disliking their name, then coming around to it. I know I did. I do think it is a little bit silly to change your name as an adult because, as much as we all love names on here, how much does your name really matter later on in life? Sure, there are a few names I can think of that I like better than my own, but I don’t think having those names would change my life in any substantial way, except to greatly confuse the people I care about. I hope I am not being too harsh, but it seems a little self-involved to change your name as an adult.
I think [name]Hillary[/name] is a lovely name. It has a wonderful sound to it, and is unique but still known.
I don’t know if pretentious is the word I’d use. I think it’d be more confusing than anything else. I’m not sure about you but I have a large family and if I changed my name there is no way everyone would remember it. I’d also be worried about upsetting my parents, I might not be wild about my name but they really loved it even though it is common. The only way I’d change my name as an adult would be if I’d been given something stupid that nobody will take seriously on an adult like [name]Rainbow[/name] Sparkle. It’s up to you though. If you really really dislike it then by all means change it, it’s your name and you have to deal with it the most.
In general I think it’s fine to change your name IF it’s something you’ve wanted to do for a long time (not just wanting to shed your birth name, but the name you want to change to has been “finalized” for awhile). If it’s a whim or something you’ve just recently thought about, I’d say hold off. In your personal case I’d say try and see if you can “grow into” [name]Hillary[/name] before making any legal moves. Since it appears that [name]Tyler[/name] is what you really dislike, here’s some options you might consider:
As you suggested, choose a new first name and make [name]Hillary[/name] your middle name. If you do this, you can explain any past reference checks, etc. that might come up when applying for jobs, etc. by saying that you used to go by your middle name (as opposed to a complete name change where some people may be curious as to why you changed it).
You could also do something similar to what [name]Abby[/name] at appellationmountain (dot) net did (she was originally [name]Amy[/name] [name]Beth[/name] and became [name]Amy[/name] [name]Abigail[/name]) - keep your original first name and make your chosen name your middle name. As with the above option this will keep your past records more or less intact with your new identity, but if you decide to go by your (chosen) middle name you’ll have whatever issues anyone else who goes by their middle name does.
Another idea is don’t do anything until you get married, drop the detested [name]Tyler[/name], and make your maiden name your new middle name when you take your partner’s last name. This is a fairly common practice so it wouldn’t get any unusual remarks.
I dont know if your personal reason for being on nameberry is your contemplated name change, but as a lot of us are here to pour over the thousands and thousands of options and their meanings and associations to find the perfect name for our little ones, the thought of changing a (not stupid or unwearable) given name as an adult is upsetting for me, and I imagine is the reason why so many voted no on your poll. Have you asked your mother the significance behind your name? Perhaps [name]Tyler[/name] was someone dear to her or your father, who they wanted to honor through your middle name. I don’t think it’s right to take that away from them because you don’t particularly care for it (that’s why you get to name your own kids one day!) Naming your child is one of the first and great honors of parenthood. A parent who took that seriously and gave you a proper name shouldn’t be insulted by that name being taken away from them. Plus, as others said, it’s very difficult to reassign a name to someone you already know.
I can think of a few very valid reasons for a name change…1. You were given a name that is truly awful to live with, Unicorn [name]Starlight[/name] or whatnot, and want something that won’t make people cringe/impact your professional life. 2. You are fed up with a spelling and want to alter your name slightly to make life easier (I know a [name]Chellsie[/name] who decided to become [name]Chelsea[/name] during college, easy transition, fewer headaches). Similarly you have people who take an English name to go by to make life easier and keep their original name in the first or middle spot. 3. You’ve had a terrible falling out with your family, not a minor “They don’t get me” that’s likely to pass, we’re talking abuse, abandonment, something that has made you want to eliminate a family name and start fresh.
I don’t think just disliking a name is alone a reason. I don’t know if pretentious is the right word, but it doesn’t sit entirely right with me. Few people walk around with their favorite name, they walk around with a name that their parents chose for some significance. Chances are your family and friends would continue to call you [name]Hilary[/name], it’s just not that easy to transition.
I honestly don’t think [name]Hilary[/name] [name]Tyler[/name] is bad! [name]Hilary[/name] is a fine name and I’m wondering if [name]Tyler[/name] was a family surname?
I think it has a lot to do with the mentality, and reasoning behind a) the want to change/dislike of your birth-name and b) the new name selection.
If I’m honest, the jump from [name]Hilary[/name] to [name]Ophelia[/name] does have a slight pretentious air. This is at first glance, for all I know [name]Ophelia[/name] could be your mother’s middle name, or perhaps you have a strong connection to the [name]Shakespeare[/name] character or to the meaning of the name.
I am in the process of finding a new name.
My reasoning for disliking and wanting to change my name are as follows:
- I never really liked or loved it.
- I’m beyond tired of the misspellings, mispronunciations and mistaken for other names.
- I hate that the first syllable is [name]Mal[/name]- which means “bad” in several languages.
- I don’t like the energy it gives.
- I’m at a point in my life where I need a fresh start, and a change of name helps facilitate that. It assists with the removal of negative emotions, memories, and connections. The point where I start, compared to the point I’m headed is radically different. I feel entitled to picking out a new name.
If your reasoning is similar to mine, or perhaps even more deserving then I say go for it. [name]Plenty[/name] of people change their names as adults, it’s your right to do so. No one else but you has legal rights to your name, so do what you please.
Life’s short, why not have the name you want?
However, keep in mind the reactions of others. I myself have gone back and forth, back and forth, on whether or not I should change my name or just settle and keep it. I decided that I did not want to settle, and I should not have to settle for anything because of the potential reactions and opinions of others.
I thoroughly believe I’m right in my want to change my name, so I decided to stick by it. Though I do go through name selections keeping in the reactions of close family and friends in mind.
As much as I adore the name [name]Alessandra[/name], and think it’s completely fitting (and many others have confirmed this) I would not use it because it’s far too Italian, far too glamorous for me to switch to. I would consider [name]Alexandra[/name], [name]Alyssa[/name], or [name]Elena[/name] however.
However, I do not think that a new name change is going to make me a “better” person. My actions, my history, my thoughts are still the same. It may perhaps put out a new energy when I write down my name, or hear it being called, but it doesn’t change me.
Then again, my mentality may be completely different considering in my family many of use don’t go by our legal names, and my mother has gone by three different names in her lifetime (thought never legally changed it), and it quite common in the religious community around me to change your name when you join the religion.
There are times when I think a name change is a huge deal, and other times when I realise it really doesn’t matter as much as our minds make it out to be.
It’s a huge hassle to legally change your name.
However, you are technically allowed to “go by” pretty much anything you want.
If I was in your position, I’d start asking my friends and family about what they think. [name]Do[/name] they understand your reasons and are they willing to call you by the name you want to go by? If so, do that! Spend some time just going by [name]Ophelia[/name] and seeing how it fits into your life.
You might find that people are really hesitant to call you by a different name–it will probably have to do with your reasoning. It’s a lot easier for people to stomach nicknames, middle names, or names that are similar to your current name—like [name]Holly[/name]? [name]Tally[/name]? [name]Valerie[/name]?
Obviously, it’s much easier to do this during times of transition. If you get a new job, it’s no problem to tell everyone that you go by a different name. If you’re anywhere close to getting married, changing your name is 100 times easier as the process is very streamlined–legally speaking. I know if the person who sits in the desk beside me at my office job suddenly said she was changing her name from [name]Carol[/name] to [name]Ophelia[/name]…I’d probably think she was crazy. Especially if her only really was that she didn’t really like [name]Carol[/name].
I say go for it. [name]Ophelia[/name] is great, and there are far too few [name]Ophelia[/name]'s in the world.
no. go for it. search your feelings for why you think it is pretentious. use a new name overtime, and come to answer any questions you have about changing it, then if you still want to change it, do it. [name_m]Just[/name_m] go through all of the challenges that you can think of, and then come up with ways to overcome them I am trying to change my name. I have tried a few names in real life, and find that some I don’t like. it is a trial and error process. If you like [name_f]Ophelia[/name_f], then you are farther than I in the process. good luck to you.
We have no obligation to be in love with the names we are given. Some people grow out of hating their names, some grow into it, and others stay the same. There are lots of reasons beyond just not liking yout name to change it too. And posters and namers here tooo: we know you put a great deal of effortinto your names, but your children have absolutely zero obligation to like thyem or even keep them. Sure it sucks if your kid doesn’t like the name you love, but it happens. Not liking a name doesn’t make your pretentious, immature, or ungrateful. It just means you have your own style, and there is nothing wrong with that. Not liking something is a perfectly good reason to not keep it.
I can think of lots of reasons someone might want to change their names. The most obvious exampleto me is someone of an alternate gender identity who transitioned or is simply living as their proper gender identity and would like a more gender appropriate name for themselves And I can easily imagine someone being named after someone, a celebrity or family member, and hating that person and changing their name so they don’t have to carry the name of someone they hate for the rest of their life. And the unrelenting trend of giving your children last names as first names might lead to that for purely practical reasohns (imagine someone named [name_u]Campbell[/name_u] marrying someone with the last name [name_u]Campbell[/name_u]- you get the picture). I know several atheists names [name_m]Christian[/name_m], [name_m]Jesus[/name_m], and other overtly religious names because their religious parents were counting on them following the religion they were born into forever, and one of the Christians I knew changed his name to [name_m]Richard[/name_m] because he hated having his name connected to a religion he didn’t follow or even like Now [name_m]Christian[/name_m] who became [name_m]Richard[/name_m] did get a ton of shit from his parents (a fraction because of the pride his parents had in his name, mostly because they didn’t want to accept their son as a non-[name_m]Christian[/name_m]) and sometimes when he mentions he changed his name people do the same kind of reaction of a few posters here- that his parents put so much time and energy into it, that he should just accept his name and deal with it, that he was immature, or that he should like it because of famous people named [name_m]Christian[/name_m] or because they loved the name or wanted it for/gave it to their own child and don’t like the idea of someone with the name not liking it. It seemed most of the reasons given to make this guy feel bad were very selfish and personhal reasons. They forgot that this was a fully grown man who can make his own decisions and knows what he wants. A name change is a difficult, long process that usually isn’t taken lightly. If someone wants a new name enough that they’re willing to go through that process, as well as the process of getting others used to a new name, then who am I to judge their motivations? Also just because their motivations might not seem to coincide with the motivations I would consider valid for myself personally doesn’t make them bad, just different. And small-mindedness is a far worse thing than changing your name.
I wanted to do this. I go by a NN rather than my real name and I thought about changing it, but there’s a lot of steps legally one must take and I don’t think it is worth it unless you’re in witness protection or you’re thoroughly devoted to changing it.
I think it’s up to the bearer of the name. People can have all sorts of reasons to change their name. I’ve known of a woman who chose a new name from mythology to symbolize a new beginning in her life. I knew of a guy who changed his name from [name_u]Allison[/name_u] to something more masculine. Lots of people start going by a middle name later in life because they don’t like their given name. So, if your given name has negative associations for you–then why not? You mention retaining the old given name as a new surname, so you would still be holding onto some of the history of the name anyway.
I would say do what you think is the right fit for you. Growing up (and to this day) I hate my middle name, it’s bland and boring. If I wasn’t named after my Mum’s best friend I would have changed my MN the day I could. [name_u]Hilary[/name_u] isn’t an awful name by far, but if you truly love the name [name_f]Ophelia[/name_f] (and have contemplated the whole situation over, of course) than I say go for it!
I think people should do what they want to do. I think it would be much easier to do this before a big move or career change. I love my name, always have, so it’s hard for me to relate. Part of the reason I love it is because my parents chose it for me.
I agree with some of the others that [name_u]Hilary[/name_u] is very beautiful and distinguished with strong associations. Very professional, too. If I found out someone had renamed herself [name_f]Ophelia[/name_f], I’d wonder if she was a pretentious and foolish person, yes. But do what you want!
I think it’s a bit ridiculous to be on your high horse here and assume that everything a child does must be to please the parent. Besides the fact that it’s not a big deal to create a poll like this, your whole response of taking something away from the parent is baffling. I understand that you’ve been through strife and turmoil to find an adequate name for your child, but the assumption that the there is no possibility of a child not liking their name is baffling. I reckon you are the type of parent with their child’s whole life plan built out for them if you think this way.
Is it pretentious by itself? No. However, I would definitely perceive someone changing their name to [name_f]Ophelia[/name_f]–a name that was not at all common at the time of their birth, and has sort of a literary and edgy feel–to be a little pretentious. But the only name changes I really side-eye are people who change their names to, like, Wolfmoon or something.
I see [name_u]Hilary[/name_u] [name_u]Tyler[/name_u] as being in the same category as the aforementioned male [name_u]Allison[/name_u]. They’re both male names, so it’s not weird to me at all that a woman would want to go by something else.