Is it a bad idea to arrange a name based on flow and sound alone, even if that means calling your child exclusively by her middle name? I go by my middle name, I never used my first name except on formal documents and it kind of bugged me throughout my life. When I asked my Mom why she arranged my name like that, she said “Well it didn’t sound good the other way around” which is starting to really hit home with me. I’ve realized that a lot of my first name choices sound better in the middle, flow wise. So, is it a bad idea or not?
I don’t put much importance into flow unless it is really obviously bad.
I have this issue as well. My SO went by his middle growing up (now goes by his first) and I always thought it would be confusing. In the end, I would likely choose to use the name I want for the first, even if the flow was a little off.
I work with quite a few kids whose mothers did this and every one of them hates it. As a matter of fact, the oldest (a 10 year old), has openly told me that he wishes his mother would call him by his first name because his teachers all do and he likes it better. He wishes that if she liked his middle so much that she’d just made it his first name and made life easier on him (that’s his own words). Her reason was “Well it didn’t flow as good the other way” and even though she cared, the kid hated it, the teachers won’t call him by his middle, and no one understands it.
Saying all that, I don’t think flow should matter in the least when picking a name. I think how much you love a name should dictate if it goes first or not (not the flow). You just said you hated having to go by your middle name and wished it were your first instead to save you the hassle, so why would you want the same experience for your child? Not being rude, just trying to turn it around so you can see it better. If you hated it, your kid could hate it, and I think doing things that make things good for your child or that you know your child won’t hate are more important the way 2 names flow together. [name]Love[/name] of the child has to come before love of the name and it’s flow.
I hope no offense was taken as none was intended.
I didn’t really hate it growing up, I just thought it was slightly annoying at times. But that might have something to do with the fact that my first name is very unusual and confusing for most people. If it were a common or classic first name, I might not have been annoyed at all. Honestly, when my mom told me about the flow being off I did agree for the most part. My names sound ridiculous the other way around.
Really interesting thread as people usually say the opposite on here- flows seems like everything to some people. I’m struggling with flow of names with our daughter we are adopting who already has a first name.
The idea of naming your child one name to call them by their middle name just confuses me. That was the case with a male friend in high school. His first name was [name]Christopher[/name], but from the time he was born his mom called him [name]Aaron[/name], his middle name. To this day, he signs everything C. [name]Aaron[/name] -lastname-.
I could understand if a child grew up and prefer their mn to their first (as was the case with another friend, who’s fn is really popular now, but wasn’t when she was a child)
I think flow is okay to be compromised when its a name you love, like the others said. I think most kids go through a stage of wanting to be called something else, so for a while I introduced myself by my middle name, especially to people I met once or so. But I think if you love the middle name(s) too much it may make the child feel a little short changed. I could be wrong though. It’s a very tricky question though! I know a woman who goes by her middle name [name]Arlette[/name] because her first name is Gaynore.
This thread is great as I’m struggling with a name I love that isn’t ideal with my last name. I think its ok but people on this board have made me doubt it because it is “sing songy”.
I went through my girls list and I made myself choose names based on the idea “What names I would be sad to let go of” and I came up with [name]Sawyer[/name], [name]Lola[/name], [name]Indigo[/name], and [name]Alys[/name]. I wanted to use [name]Sawyer[/name] and [name]Lola[/name], but [name]Sawyer[/name] [name]Lola[/name] doesn’t sound good at all. [name]Lola[/name] [name]Sawyer[/name] on the other hand, sounds good. Same with [name]Indigo[/name] [name]Alys[/name] compared to [name]Alys[/name] [name]Indigo[/name], and [name]Indigo[/name] [name]Lola[/name] compared to [name]Lola[/name] [name]Indigo[/name]. [name]Indigo[/name] [name]Sawyer[/name] seems to clash to me, and [name]Lola[/name] [name]Alys[/name] seems too plain. 
[name]Ah[/name]. Perhaps I read what you wrote wrong. But in any case, I think it’s more important to use the name you love most first than to stick in the middle just to make the flow work. Loving the name you gift your child with should be more important than whether or not the name flows perfectly with the middles.
From those names, I think they all sound fine either way. [name]Lola[/name] [name]Sawyer[/name] sounds fine. [name]Sawyer[/name] [name]Lola[/name] has the exact same flow as both names are 2 syllable names accentuated on the same syllable so maybe you just like [name]Sawyer[/name] more than you think you do?
I actually think [name]Alys[/name] [name]Indigo[/name] sounds way better than [name]Indigo[/name] [name]Alys[/name] ([name]Alys[/name] being short and sweet with a flowing bouncy middle name). I agree that [name]Lola[/name] [name]Indigo[/name] sounds better, but would say that those 2 names don’t sound good together much at all to me. They sound the same as [name]Indigo[/name] [name]Sawyer[/name] as, like I said up there, [name]Sawyer[/name] and [name]Lola[/name] are both 2 syllable accentuated on the first so the flow is the same with [name]Indigo[/name]. [name]Lola[/name] [name]Alys[/name] is a little blah to me, and I do really like [name]Alys[/name] [name]Lola[/name].
Does that break down help anything?
I like the way [name]Alys[/name] [name]Indigo[/name] sounds better too. But I would prefer to call her [name]Indigo[/name]. That’s the issue I’m having, I would prefer to call my daughter either [name]Sawyer[/name] or [name]Indigo[/name] but they just don’t flow as the first name. [name]Lola[/name] [name]Sawyer[/name] and [name]Alys[/name] [name]Indigo[/name] sound good, even though I would be calling them [name]Sawyer[/name]/[name]Indigo[/name]. I also really love [name]Lola[/name] and [name]Alys[/name] and I would like to use them somewhere in the name, I can’t let them go.
[name]Just[/name] out of curiosity though, is that also because you are developing a theme? As little [name]Rowan[/name] has a traditional middle name and a more unique first name?
If you are never going to call a child by their first name, then isn’t it irrelevant that it flows really well with the rest of the name?
As long as the name you love doesn’t sound completely bad with the last name, just use it as the first name. I don’t think the flow of the first with the middle matters as much, because people rarely use their middle name (I’ve only ever used mine on official documents). But if it matters a lot to you, then just accept that it’s going to limit your name possibilities.
I think most people fall in love, hard, with one name, and generally try to find a middle which fits. If you genuinely equally love two names, such that they both absolutely have to be used, then you can arrange them for optimal flow.
In general I agree-- absolutely give the name you intend to actually call the child in the first slot. For your five examples-- were you to be pregnant with another girl-- don’t you think it’s more likely you would eventually choose one of them as the winner, and then work on a middle? [name]Do[/name] you think you’d automatically want to use one of the other four as a middle?
I often have problems with this very issue but in the end I feel like the first name should be the name you intend to call the child. For the record, I think [name]Sawyer[/name] [name]Lola[/name] is very sweet together and I like it that way better than [name]Lola[/name] [name]Sawyer[/name] although honestly the flow works just fine either way. As a pp said they’re both two syllables with the stress on the first syllable so it doesn’t matter which you arrange them. For the other, I’m not a huge fan of [name]Indigo[/name] (although I love the color) while I find [name]Alys[/name] very sweet and bouncy but I think that [name]Indigo[/name] [name]Alys[/name] flows better than [name]Alys[/name] [name]Indigo[/name]. I feel like [name]Alys[/name] [name]Indigo[/name] kind of runs together while [name]Indigo[/name] [name]Alys[/name] has a little more separation between names and syllables.
I occasionally read the “Name Lady” advice column and she answered a similar question:
http://www.namecandy.com/name-lady/2012/10/28/is-this-name-backwards
I think we do this all the time on nameberry. For example: “Oh I like [name]Faye[/name] [name]Marianne[/name], but [name]Marianne[/name] [name]Faye[/name] sound sooooo much better!”
I see what you mean. I guess I see it as “losing” a name I really like if I don’t use them. But then again, I felt like I compromised on [name]Jane[/name] and was kind of pushed into using it but now I love it. Maybe I will find a name that flows better that I like more as a middle. Good thing I’m not expecting yet!