Is it worth the tantrums?

This is a long one, brace yourselves. So my husband and I are ttc for baby #2, who will be our last baby. We’re all settled for boy names, but girls names are a continuous debate.

More than 24 years ago, I chose my future daughter’s name. After watching the Rescuers on a loop for years, I was deadset on [name_f]Penelope[/name_f]. That has never waivered.

When my husband and I started dating, we had one of those fun talks where you just toss around future baby names, and he instantly loved [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] too.

But last year his cousin had a daughter and named her [name_f]Penelope[/name_f]. Now my husband isn’t close with his cousin, they’re just fb friends basically. She lives on a different continent and they’ve seen each other once in the past ten years. She’s not the problem really If I chose to use the name anyway. We’ve even casually mentioned how much I’ve always loved [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] and she mentioned she doesn’t have a patent on it if I want to use it anyway.

The problem is my mil and sil. They’re under this delusion that my husbands family is “so close” and they’ve already had miniature tantrums about how selfish of us that would be, and odd, and confusing to the whole family. (Keep in mind we told them we would use different nicknames) I know them well enough to know they’ll keep making a big deal out of it if we name a baby [name_f]Penelope[/name_f].

[name_f]Do[/name_f] I pick another name or grit my teeth and ignore my mil and sil’s snide comments for the foreseeable future?

DH and I have tried to find other names but nothing we both love. I like [name_f]Phoebe[/name_f] and [name_f]Clementine[/name_f]. DH likes [name_f]Beatrice[/name_f], but it just doesn’t click for me. We’re having a hard time finding something that works when we still have both of our hearts set on [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] and have for years.

Meh go with [name_f]Penelope[/name_f], I had two cousin [name_u]Stacey[/name_u]'s growing up and it wasn’t that big of a deal. You should do what you like best.

I absolutely insist you use [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] if that’s what you love and agree on. I doubt your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] and [name_m]SIL[/name_m] will have the energy to stay hung up on it. If they do? Well, that’s not your problem.

I would use it. It’s a name you and your husband have loved for a really long time, so I wouldn’t let your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] and [name_m]SIL[/name_m] talk you out of it. It’s your baby, after all, not theirs. Like you said, you don’t see them that often, and you aren’t using the same nickname. I know two cousins both named [name_f]Hailey[/name_f] that lived in the same town, went to the same school, and lived in the same house, and if that was the case, it would get confusing, but I don’t think you would have the problem. I have a cousin [name_f]Leela[/name_f], and her sister named her new baby [name_f]Layla[/name_f], which sound very similar, and they live in the same house at the moment, so that gets confusing.

Plus, your husband’s cousin has given you the go-ahead. I don’t see a problem with it, especially since you won’t be calling them by the same nickname, anyway. [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] is gorgeous.

This is the second post I’ve read on NB today about MILs behaving badly. What is wrong with these people?? This is your child! Let’s say your husband’s cousin didn’t want you to use [name_f]Penelope[/name_f]. You would still have every right to use this name, and it would be nobody’s business but yours and your husband’s. But your husband’s cousin doesn’t even care! It’s a nonissue. Your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] and [name_m]SIL[/name_m] are making a lot of empty noise, and I would venture to guess that it’s not even really about the baby’s name. I recommend sitting down with them and your husband and explaining that 1) this is your child to name, not theirs; 2) the cousin in question has given you her full support in naming your child [name_f]Penelope[/name_f]; 3) your child will be named [name_f]Penelope[/name_f]. The end. If they have anything else to say about it, they can say it to each other or not at all – but as far as you’re concerned, the conversation is over.

Also, a personal anecdote: My dad wanted to name me [name_f]Laura[/name_f], but my aunt (his sister) had a daughter first and used the name. He named me [name_f]Leah[/name_f] and my younger half-sister [name_f]Lauren[/name_f] – and my full-sister’s middle name is [name_f]Laure[/name_f]. [name_m]Just[/name_m] [name_f]Laure[/name_f]. She hates it. We all just wish my dad had gone ahead and named me [name_f]Laura[/name_f] instead of giving his three daughters weird mutations on the name he clearly loved best. Other than that, having three girls with soundalike names in the family has been a complete nonissue. Like I said – your [name_m]SIL[/name_m] and [name_f]MIL[/name_f] are making noise. There’s no problem except them.

Go with [name_f]Penelope[/name_f]. As your DH’s cousin said, she has no patent over the name. And your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] and [name_m]SIL[/name_m] should get that, too. They won’t have the energy when your daughter is here to fight over that, they will be in love with her. And won’t care if her name is [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] or something else. You love [name_f]Penelope[/name_f], your husband loves it too. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t listen to anyone else. You are the ones who choose the name.

Use [name_f]Penelope[/name_f]. My sister named her son [name_m]Sebastian[/name_m] despite the fact that we have a step-brother who she’s never met (I met him a few years ago) with the name.

If the cousin was someone you’re super close to, or lived down the road and saw all the time, I’d say your mil and sil would have a valid point.
That’s not the case here, so go ahead and use [name_f]Penelope[/name_f]. Especially if you’ve loved it that long. Maybe mention to the cousin that they’re being obnoxious about it? If they’re as close as your mil says they are, it shouldn’t be a problem fo her to call her and simmer her down.

Use [name_f]Penelope[/name_f]. In-laws will always find something to be childish about.

I agree with everyone else! Use [name_f]Penelope[/name_f]. It’s worth the tantrums by these “adults.”

Why would it be so terrible for two people in an extended family to have the same name, anyway? Two out of three siblings in my family are marrying women with the exact same (rare) first name, and it’s mostly just funny.

Definitely use [name_f]Penelope[/name_f]! Sounds like it’s the name for you. You’ve already said they live quite far away and are mostly facebook friends - my family is huge, had multiple repeated names, and all lived 5 minutes away!
You can tell them that it’s only confusing if they’re not clever enough to manage knowing multiple people with the same name.

This is a tough one for me. On one hand, I feel that everyone should “have their own name”. Somehow a name is part of ones identity and I think an identity is original and unique. I of course say that recognizing that everyone shares a name with someone. Sharing a name within a family is just too close for me.

On the other hand, you and your husband love the name! That’s followed up by the cousin having no issue with it.

I wonder if your in laws would have a problem repeating a more classic or common name, or if the concern is the double use of an uncommon name.

I have two cousins nmed [name_m]Dereck[/name_m]. They are first cousins and are about 15-20 years apart. I think it’s odd. The relationship is different (two sisters), but of all the names in the world I can’t figure it why the younger sister wouldn’t choose something else for the 2nd [name_m]Dereck[/name_m]. He was named after someone, I think an athlete.

Anyway, I think I’d lump all those thoughts together, take some time and attempt to find a name we love just as much. If not, [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] it is!

P. S. I’d make very clear to my in laws that I will not make any decisions based on their pressures.

Use [name_f]Penelope[/name_f].

And make it clear to [name_f]MIL[/name_f] and [name_m]SIL[/name_m] that they are absolutely forbidden from making snide or under-their-breath comments about or to your daughter about her name. The only way two little girls in an extended family having the same name would be a problem is if someone bullies them about it.

For what it’s worth: I have an [name_f]Emmeline[/name_f] (age 1) and a [name_f]Kate[/name_f] (age 7). My husband’s brother has an [name_f]Emily[/name_f] (age 14) and a [name_f]Katie[/name_f] (age 7). This is a problem to exactly zero people.

Go with [name_f]Penelope[/name_f]. You’ve tried and found nothing you love as much -and even the cousin doesn’t mind. You’ve loved the name for 24 years. Your husband loves it too. Your [name_f]MIL[/name_f]/[name_m]SIL[/name_m] don’t decide what name you can or can’t give to your child.

I definitely think you should stick with [name_f]Penelope[/name_f], especially given that your husband’s cousin is okay with it. Your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] and [name_m]SIL[/name_m] aren’t acting very maturely, and I doubt they’ll continue to make such rude and unnecessary comments once your daughter has officially been named [name_f]Penelope[/name_f]. As has already been mentioned, this is your decision to make. And I think it’d be a shame to let go of a name you both love just because of your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] and [name_m]SIL[/name_m] being rude.

[name_f]Penelope[/name_f] is a beautiful name, you’ve loved it for so long, AND both you and your husband feel that it’s the one- you should definitely use it. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t mind your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] and [name_m]SIL[/name_m], they sound like the kind of people who’d disapprove/disagree with anything you do, and you can’t please them. The important thing is that you and your husband love the name.

If your husband and his cousin aren’t close, only communicate on Facebook and have seen each other once in ten years, using the same name definitely won’t be a problem. In fact, since [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] is becoming fairly popular, it’s a lot more likely that both your daughter and his cousin’s daughter will meet/know other Penelopes- would your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] and [name_m]SIL[/name_m] have a problem with that too, given that they can’t control that?

If you’re using a different nickname, or one goes by a nickname and the other by the full [name_f]Penelope[/name_f], it won’t be confusing. Also, if this is your husband’s female cousin, wouldn’t her daughter have her husband’s last name which would be different from your daughter’s, so you could use that for differentiation?

The threads on Nameberry about interfering family surprise me too. In my family no one other than the child’s parents would have any input and the name is often not announced until the child is born and a name chosen.

Use it!

I think it would be different if this was your husband’s sister. But the two [name_f]Penelope[/name_f]'s would be second cousins. I have met my second cousins maybe once, plus she lives on a different continent. That being said, I wouldn’t use any names my cousins used/would try to avoid them. But if they chose a name I was totally set on and had been for years, I would probably still use it, especially if I wasn’t able to come up with something I liked as much.
Also, if you plan on mainly calling them by a nickname and the nicknames are different even less problem!
I am sure that in my big family at least two of my cousins will choose the same/very similar names for their kids.

Ignore them! Use the name you love. If you’re not close with these people and never see them, then it’s hardly an issue. Your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] should butt out.