Is it wrong to......

[name]Hi[/name] Berries,
Im currently pregnant with twins on the way and i just got an absolute earful from an acquaintance of mine because i said i was hoping to have at least one girl (either GB or GG).

Now don’t get me wrong the most important thing for us is that we have a smooth delivery and our infants are healthy but as the mother of two boys i am curious and hopeful to raise a daughter.

There is no doubt that i would be nothing but pleased with a home full of boys, as having two now i feel confident in parenting boys but is it so wrong of me to say that I’m hoping for one girl?

Or is the problem not so much that i feel that way, as I’m sure it is fairly common to think about one gender or the other, but is the issue more that i verbalize it to others?

What do you guys think? Am i a terrible person?

No, what weirdos. It’s not like you’d send boys back or drown them in the well. Sheesh. Someone has liberal over-senstivity syndrome, methinks. You know the people who make a profession out of being offended on behalf of others?

It’s totally natural to have mild preferences for gender, especially if you have 2 of one already. It’s a different experience parenting boys versus girls, and I can see how you’d hope to have the privilege of knowing that first-hand.

Oh my gosh… Of course it’s not wrong!! I have had this conversation with many people in one form or another about a slight gender preference. It is a completely natural way to feel. It goes without saying we all want healthy first, I mean come on! But, we also play out all the scenarios and combos in our heads about gender. [name]Just[/name] ignore her.

[name]Ah[/name] yes, blade. I try not to let the words “I’m offended” cross my lips. Pissed, outraged, disgusted, ok. But I’m just over the offended.

Ashleymaeve, there is nothing even remotely wrong with the hope you expressed, or with expressing it. I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

Nope, nothing wrong at all! Some people… I also feel (this might just be my experiences, so bear with me) that it’s more accepted for a woman to want a boy, like she’s cooler and less girlie if she wishes for a boy. A woman who wants a girl gets the pink princess label immediately. Anyway, I think it’s perfectly ok to have a preference no matter if it’s your first child, or your tenth, and no matter what sexes your other children are. That doesn’t mean you won’t be over joyed and feel like the luckiest mum in the world if you baby is the sex you were a little less excited about. I’ll admit it, I wish for a girl. I want a girl to dress in sweet little dresses and make plaits in her hair, someone who will love [name]Little[/name] Women, I Capture the Castle and The [name]Little[/name] House on the [name]Prairie[/name] as much as I do, play with my old dollhouse and my dolls. Not saying a boy won’t do these things, but I think it’s more likely with a girl.

Of course it’s not “wrong” :slight_smile: I would guess that, even though the requisite statement is “all we want is a healthy baby!” the majority of parents have a preference… whether slight or strong.

[name]Silly[/name] question. Stop worrying about it.

Thank you all for the reassurance!
Maybe i shouldn’t have wrote it on Facebook where anyone can see (not like i made a status about it, someone asked if i knew and i said no but a girl would be lovely). But all in all i don’t think I’m wrong for thinking it.

Maybe made the mistake to say it so publicly, probably better just between family and actual friends.
But jeez these days with the internet people just say whatever they think and feel with no consideration for others.

Wont do it straight away but i think after it dies down i may just remove this acquaintance from my Facebook entirely… :wink:

^^ sharing anything other than idle non-personal thoughts on Facebook is usually a mistake :wink: people love to get up in arms. Facebook is the place for sharing interesting articles or cute puppy videos, not emotions and opinion, haha.

It’s so natural & normal!

I was open & honest about hoping for a girl as well…luckily no one was mean to me about it(to my face at least!)

I think everyone has a preference but obviously healthy & happy is top priority

Some people just want to be offended & make other people feel badly!

I certainly hope it’s not wrong, since I want a girl myself. I was raised by a single mother with my sister, all of my mentors have been female, and most of my friends are women as well. To top it off, I’m queer with a strong preference for women. Frankly, I don’t know a lot of men and never have, so the prospect of raising a son terrifies me. I’m sure if I turned out to be pregnant with a boy I’d be over the moon, but I do hope for a girl.

Not at all. My SO and I both want a little boy a bit more. They have adorable clothes and are so cute and rough and tumble. But if we have a daughter we’d love her the same. I would just have to have SO teach me how to braid and I’ll have to teach him how to do nails.
The “as long as he/she is healthy” is something that I probably won’t say on the chance that our child isn’t healthy. With my family being full of medical issues I worry that I’ll say as long as he/she is healthy and then my child will be sick. Irrational, I know.
Ashleymaeve: you are fine. Gender preferences are normal. Especially if you have two little boys running around.

Oh, of course not!

Fair enough you’d hope for at least one girl. That person is a weirdo.

I definitely don’t think it’s wrong to hope for a certain sex, especially if you have children already of the opposite. I hope when we have kids that we will have one of each at least, but I’m realistic and know this may not happen (as it seems you understand too). I’d only think you were crazy if you said you would do something drastic if you don’t get a girl.

Before we ever started having kids, I told my husband that if we ended up with 3, 4, 5 boys and no girls, I wanted to adopt a little girl. I really wanted to have a little girl. So when we first got pregnant, I was always honest when I answered the question about gender preference. I would say that I’d love to have a little girl, but either way I’m going to be happy to have a happy, healthy little baby.

When we got pregnant the second time, I again had a preference. I have a girl, so I’d love to have a little boy. If we get pregnant again, I won’t lie, I would love to have a second little girl (although, I’m dying to use [name]Theodore[/name]!). In the end, though, like you, I will be fine no matter the gender because it’s still my baby and I’m going to love it no matter what.

I’m sure that it is very normal to have even a tiny bit of gender preference while pregnant. You’re friend is either being self righteous or loves the drama (as others have stated). Shake it off mamma! You’re golden!

This is easy for me to say because we have none, but I can think of so many fun things inherent to any combination that I don’t feel any preference. We only plan on replacement level (2), so if that plan stays intact we will either have two boys, two girls or one of each. Same gender sounds so lovely as they will likely be closer friends, two boys will make us a fun boys’ club (which I think I could handle quite well), two girls will be a girls’ club (which hubby would handle quite well!), and one of each would be our lucky opportunity to experience raising both.

I think past two would start getting more complicated… three or more of any one gender sounds a bit overwhelming! But you know, no matter the gender or number, it’s guaranteed to have its perks and downsides. Whatever you get, you’ll have a blast!

There’s nothing wrong with it at all -

I am silently praying for a girl, as we aren’t planning to have any more children. (unless we get surprised, of course ;)) I would love to experience one of each but that doesn’t mean I’ll love the baby any less if it turns out to be a boy.

Its completely natural, especially since you have boys already. I think every woman thinks about bringing up a daughter and it goes without saying that you want happy healthy babies above all else.

I think its time to freeze this ‘aquaintance’ out!

Nope, nothing wrong with you.

(No kids yet, but I am hoping for a girl)

Totally normal to have a preference! Sometimes I think that people who are so quick to lash out at others for vocalizing their gender preference, are the very people who have/had the strongest preferences deep down and feel very guilty about it.

It is absolutely normal to have a preference. As others have stated, its not like you don’t want a son, you’d just prefer a daughter. No biggie. [name]Don[/name]'t let others make you feel bad about it.