My fiance’ and I were talking the other night about how we would celebrate the holidays. It soon became a discussion as to whether [name]Santa[/name], [name]Easter[/name] [name]Bunny[/name], and Tooth [name]Fairy[/name] were necessary in a child’s life.
I consider it lying and that one should never lie to their children. Then again, I had a bad experience when I found out [name]Santa[/name] wasn’t real. I kept pestering my parents to tell me the truth, they never did and I threw a huge fit. The reason they didn’t want to tell me was because they didn’t want me to spoil it for my younger sister and cousins. I just remember being super angry when I found out they lied, granted I was around the age of 7. I don’t want my child to feel the same way. I also don’t feel good about lying to them.
Strangely, I have no bad memories of the [name]Easter[/name] [name]Bunny[/name] or Tooth [name]Fairy[/name]. Mainly I figured out that they were my parents easily since my dad wrote all the [name]Easter[/name] bunny clues and tooth fairy notes. I knew his hand writing, so it didn’t take me long to figure it out.
My fiance’ thinks it’s all just fun and games and he’s worried that our families would think we are “grinches” if we don’t tell our kids about [name]Santa[/name]. We agree that we could probably do without the tooth fairy and still not sure about the [name]Easter[/name] bunny…
I was wondering what you guys did and if you think these fictional holiday characters are necessary for a child? Also, were you upset when you found out it was a lie?
This is a good question, I’m curious what you guys think too.
I was disappointed when I found out. We kept it up for a few more years for my little sister but [name]Christmas[/name] and [name]Easter[/name] just weren’t as fun without the magic and surprise of [name]Santa[/name] and the [name]Easter[/name] [name]Bunny[/name].
However I agree it feels like lying and I want my children to expect complete honesty from me.
My parents didn’t want us believing in [name]Santa[/name] [name]Claus[/name] or the [name]Easter[/name] [name]Bunny[/name]; the Tooth [name]Fairy[/name] was okay because it’s not linked to a religious holiday. I always felt super jipped that I never got the fun of [name]Santa[/name]; it also made [name]Christmas[/name] stressful when I was little because I’d hear my friends talking about [name]Santa[/name] and I’d have to keep my mouth shut about it. My daughter believes in [name]Santa[/name], though not the [name]Easter[/name] [name]Bunny[/name]. My sister on the other hand, appreciated our parents’ honesty and has continued the tradition of not having a [name]Santa[/name] or [name]Easter[/name] [name]Bunny[/name] with her kids.
Didn’t grow up with [name]Santa[/name] or [name]Easter[/name] [name]Bunny[/name], but I am Jewish. Knew from the beginning the Tooth [name]Fairy[/name] was a game, it was simply a question of do you want to play it.
My husband was raised [name]Christian[/name], had [name]Santa[/name] when he was little. We will do [name]Christmas[/name] because it’s daddy’s tradition from his culture, yay cookies and presents. He doesn’t want to do [name]Santa[/name] really and neither do I particularly.
I grew up in a poor/struggling area, and I felt bad for kids who understood their parents loved them and got them little presents because that’s all Mama could afford, but didn’t understand why [name]Santa[/name] brought the best presents to rich kids whose parents could get them things anyway.
I also would just rather talk about different traditions and holidays and being respectful than “he’s really real and he really brings presents to all good boys and girls all over the world.” Especially since he won’t be bringing presents to their cousins.
Something like this actually happened which made me question whether or not [name]Santa[/name] was real and start the whole fight with my parents. We were at my grandma’s for [name]Christmas[/name] and “[name]Santa[/name]” came at night. The next morning, we noticed my cousins (who aren’t as well off as our family) had each gotten only one present and it wasn’t wrapped. My sister and I had 3-4 presents each all wrapped. Obviously it was poor planning on the adults… we all had tons of questions.
I never believed in any of those things. I was raised in a [name]Christian[/name] family but it was because my mom couldn’t lie to us. She tried [name]Santa[/name] [name]Claus[/name] with my oldest sister and couldn’t do it. I don’t have any memory of ever having any problems with not ruining for my friends. I knew other kids believed he was real but to me he was just another character in a movie or book.
I will definitely be teaching any future children about [name]Santa[/name] Clause. I don’t see it as lying, its a part of growing up. There is nothing more magical than seeing the excitement on a child’s face as they anticipate [name]Christmas[/name] [name]Eve[/name], and all that it’ll bring.
I don’t understand the whole disappointment thing - Sure, I was a little sad when I found out. But its part of growing up, finding out the truth signifies the beginning of being more grown up, and its not like you can’t enjoy the excitement any more.
[name]Santa[/name] Clause represents so many good things. [name]Santa[/name] promotes giving and generosity. Its the most magical time of year, the spirit of [name]Christmas[/name] is infectious, and I myself would be very bitter if I’d been told as a small child that [name]Santa[/name] isn’t real, its a lot of burden on a child to keep a secret like that. I might be bashed for this, but I’d be pretty damn mad if another child told my youngster that [name]Santa[/name] wasn’t real at a young age, just because his/her parents didn’t want to “lie” to them. Might make me selfish, I don’t care.
Plus, [name]Santa[/name] Clause is a nickname for [name]Saint[/name] [name]Nicholas[/name], who was a real person, and whose charitable actions are what modern day [name]Santa[/name] is based on. He was real, hence you wouldn’t be lying.
The story of [name]Christmas[/name] is just as important of the materialistic side of it. As a [name]Roman[/name] Catholic family, we will of course ensure any kids we have will know the nativity story and be sure he/she participates in the religious side of it.
I think the magic of [name]Santa[/name] is one of the very best things about being a child, and if my future children hate me for “lying”, so be it. I don’t plan on depriving my kids of that.
My husband and I grew up believing in [name]Santa[/name] but have never done it for our children. We have lots of traditions as a family and with others so I don’t feel like our kids miss out any. We also do three gifts each from us, to symbolize the 3 gifts of the wisemen. They are given gifts by family etc, but know they get 3 from us. The commercializm of all the holidays and the “stuff” drives me crazy, which is why we do it this way. So far, so good. My older kids have never once complained and are grateful for whatever they receive as gifts. While I am all about traditions and magical childhood, my kids have both these things year round and do not need [name]Santa[/name] or scads of presents.
I don’t think you need [name]Santa[/name] to promote giving and sharing. I actually remember being teased as kid for believing in [name]Santa[/name], not the other way around, so I don’t see a problem. There are ways to explain to a child that everyone has different beliefs and for them to not spoil the fun for others.
It’s not disappointment. It’s more so the feeling that your parents lied to you. Your supposed to be able to trust your parents and when they tell you a lie, it breaks that trust, no matter how “good” their intentions were. I didn’t really care that [name]Santa[/name] was real, I was upset that it was a lie. We still got presents from “[name]Santa[/name]” afterwards and still do because it’s a tradition.
I also don’t think you need [name]Santa[/name] to have a magical [name]Christmas[/name]. It’s the presents, snow, making smores, random acts of kindness that make [name]Christmas[/name] magical. There’s more to [name]Christmas[/name] than [name]Santa[/name]. You can also still tell the story of [name]Santa[/name], but just leave it at that, it’s a story.
I do not think pretend characters like [name]Santa[/name] [name]Claus[/name], the [name]Easter[/name] [name]Bunny[/name], and the Tooth [name]Fairy[/name] are necessary for children to have a fulfilling childhood. However, I also think they can be fun.
Whenever I have children, I think I will be honest with them that the Tooth [name]Fairy[/name], [name]Santa[/name] [name]Claus[/name], and the [name]Easter[/name] [name]Bunny[/name] are fun characters that lots of people like to celebrate on holidays. We may or may not choose to celebrate all or some of the characters on holidays. I will tell my children that a lot of parents don’t want their children to know that these characters are not real, so we should keep it a “secret” when talking to other kids, unless the other kids tell you they already know they aren’t real. I’ll tell them we do this to be respectful of other family’s choices.
I can see myself doing a lot of the same things other parents do with [name]Santa[/name], the Tooth [name]Fairy[/name], and the [name]Easter[/name] [name]Bunny[/name], but not coming at it from a perspective like it is a real being. Especially with [name]Santa[/name], I can see myself coming at it from a perspective of/teaching my children (in a child-friendly way) that [name]Santa[/name] is a character that represents generosity, thinking of others, and spreading good cheer. For the tooth fairy, I can see myself being fun and dressing up like the tooth fairy with a wand and crown and making it into a fun thing.
This is my perspective. I respect that others make different choices than I do, and will teach my children the same.
I cannot picture my childhood without [name]Santa[/name] [name]Claus[/name], the [name]Easter[/name] [name]Bunny[/name], and the Tooth [name]Fairy[/name]. I have so many good memories, that made my childhood fun and magical. My parents were very good at being careful and not getting caught. I don’t even remember how or when I found out but obviously it didn’t upset me that much. I will definitely pass this tradition down to my children, for me I don’t really see it as lying, I see it as fun and just apart of childhood. I was never mad at my parents, it made holidays so much more fun.
I don’t think I ever thought they were real. My parents talked to us about [name]Santa[/name] and the like, but kind of in a joking way. For [name]Christmas[/name] we would get the things we asked our parents for and it was them who we thanked. When my parents said, “Oh, that one’s not from us… It’s from [name]Santa[/name],” it was always sort of with a wink and a nod. He was just another fun story, and all we really cared about were the new toys, anyway. You don’t have to exclude these things from your child’s life, just don’t take them too seriously.
I never believed in [name]Santa[/name]. Partly because there was no one to babysit me a lot of the time so I was taken [name]Christmas[/name] shopping for other people’s presents with my mum. It was still fun to pretend and play along though. [name]Christmas[/name] was still magical and fun and it meant a lot more knowing that the presents came from my family and not some guy I’d never met who gave them just for the sake of it.
We are [name]Christian[/name] and want to keep the focus on the sacred meaning. However, we think [name]Christmas[/name] is so much fun. We dont overdo on presents anymore, and [name]Santa[/name] brings one small gift, but she knows its just fun, and its not real. Shes smart and asked us about it when she was 3. Lol
We dont do [name]Easter[/name] [name]Bunny[/name] at all. Resurrection [name]Sunday[/name] is completey sacred for us.
Tooth fairy? We havent gotten that far yet in parenting, but she really likes fairies, so maybe we’ll do it. Im not sure yet.
This is always a funny question to me, mainly because of the way my parents handled it. If/when I have children I plan to do it exactly as they did.
Basically, I “believed” in [name]Santa[/name] [name]Claus[/name] in the same way I “believed” in the [name]Easter[/name] [name]Bunny[/name], Disney Princesses, the Tooth [name]Fairy[/name], [name]Barbie[/name], and the Gummy Bears. My parents never outright told me they weren’t real, in fact we got pictures with [name]Santa[/name] and were told he got our gifts the same as other kids, but all of it was done with a sort of smiling awareness that it was all a fun game.
I never had some sort of revelation that he didn’t exist or asked about him, because I always basically knew that it was for fun. I remember once when I was around 7, my dad and older sister were joking around and making up a funny story about how they all lived in a giant castle together in the [name]North[/name] Pole and all the fun things they did.
I’m not completely sure how they did this, but we’ve always been a family that recognized and had fun with sarcasm and it feels like this was my first introduction to it We loved [name]Santa[/name] movies, and I still had the joy of [name]Santa[/name] without the fallout. Part of it may be that our presents still had my parents name in the “from” section and we made [name]Christmas[/name] lists and gave them to our parents, so I guess they didn’t carry it as far as some parents do. So I guess they basically enjoyed [name]Santa[/name] with us without doing anything to encourage realism in the story.
I never “ruined it” for other kids because by the time I realized that they actually really believed and weren’t just taking part in the game they had already realized it for themselves.
I grew up without any of them, and was never particularly jealous if you know what I mean. I’m Jewish, so they’re completely not a part of my culture and were/are actually pretty hard to understand - why spend so much energy building up a lie? Is it impossible to have an enjoyable and meaningful holiday otherwise? If you’re [name]Christian[/name], then talking about St. [name]Nicholas[/name] in the context of the holiday can certainly make it more meaningful, and in a way that is much deeper and longer-lasting than “red elf gives us stuff!”. [name]Even[/name] if you’re not, you can still talk about the purpose of gift-giving as an expression of love among family and friends. I suppose you can also talk about the [name]Easter[/name] [name]Bunny[/name] in terms of what it actually means. But letting your kids believe in something that you know is fake just seems like a bad idea, or at best pointless.
shrug That’s my 2 cents as someone who never had any personal connection to this stuff.
I really can’t imagine getting angry at my parents because they lied to me for my own good. Its a lie told with love, not with malice. Its a child orientated holiday. It makes them think magic is possible, for a few short years. It shows childhood innocence at its sweetest.
Of course [name]Santa[/name] Clause isn’t necessary to have a magical [name]Christmas[/name]. But [name]Santa[/name] symbolises all the good things about being human, and it brings out the inner little kid in all of us. I just can’t imagine having kids and not celebrating this part of [name]Christmas[/name]. It was a very happy time for me in my childhood, and I appreciated my parents efforts to make it as believable and as special as possible when I finally found out it wasn’t real. I just can’t image a childhood without it.
I’ve never had any trust issues with my parents because of [name]Santa[/name] Clause. When I was told, I felt cool, like one of the “grown ups”, like I was being trusted with an important secret.
I am not religious but I grew up believing in [name]Santa[/name], the [name]Easter[/name] bunny and the tooth fairy. My husband and I are ttc and we found this beautiful letter on pinterest.com and this is how we plan on telling our children.
Dear [name]Lucy[/name],
Thank you for your letter. You asked a very good question: “Are you [name]Santa[/name]?”
I know you’ve wanted the answer to this question for a long time, and I’ve had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.
The answer is no. I am not [name]Santa[/name]. There is no one [name]Santa[/name].
I am the person who fills your stockings with presents, though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my mom did for me, and the same way her mom did for her. (And yes, Daddy helps, too.)
I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on [name]Christmas[/name] morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with [name]Christmas[/name] lights.
This won’t make you [name]Santa[/name], though.
[name]Santa[/name] is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can’t see or touch.
It’s a big job, and it’s an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents and in your family. You’ll also need to believe in things you can’t measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.
[name]Santa[/name] is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on [name]Christmas[/name] [name]Eve[/name]: he has help from all the people whose hearts he’s filled with joy.
With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take our turns helping [name]Santa[/name] do a job that would otherwise be impossible.
So, no. I am not [name]Santa[/name]. [name]Santa[/name] is love and magic and hope and happiness. I’m on his team, and now you are, too.
I love you and I always will.
Mama
I found that this letter says it all. I think its important for children to have magic in their lives and believe in the impossible before they grow up. [name]Just[/name] my opinion:)
My siblings and I grew up without [name]Santa[/name] [name]Claus[/name]. In fact, our immediate family doesn’t celebrate [name]Christmas[/name] at all. The [name]Santa[/name] controversy isn’t the main reason for that, but my parents didn’t want to lie to us and wouldn’t have told us [name]Santa[/name] was real if we did celebrate [name]Christmas[/name]. We never felt deprived or left out; in fact, I think we erred a little in the opposite direction by feeling a bit superior to the kids who believed such a “silly story.”
I think [name]Christmas[/name] could be celebrated just as well, probably better, by leaving “[name]Santa[/name] brings you presents” out of the equation entirely–as long as, like previous posters have suggested, your children respect the fact that some parents do tell their children this. Another option would be to treat it as a game, telling them about [name]Saint[/name] [name]Nicholas[/name] and pretending that [name]Santa[/name] comes down the chimney, with them knowing it’s not real.
Best wishes!
My mom told me about easter bunny and the tooth fairy, and my teacher accidently told the whole class about santa in 5th grade. I think its fun, and you should do it. I wasn’t that upset.
