Does it exist
No name is going to be as amazing as your daughter, because no word–no matter how special–can compare to her perfect eyelashes, little expressions, of bright spirit. But some names can suit, can fit, can be close enough to make you think of her and smile.
I think it’s just being over-thought. It is her that is your magical wonder, not her name. I know what you mean about a nane that is “the one”. I am due in five weeks and I love the boy name we have chosen but it doesnt feel like “the one”. [name_m]Ive[/name_m] decided to stop worrying about it x
Congrats on your new addition 
& I agree with you guys completely. I just have this bad taste in my mouth when I hear her name & it makes me feel horrible.
I wish I fought harder for a name I liked more at the time of her birth instead of compromising with someone who decided they didnt even want to be in the picture after she came home. I want to love her name but now even my previous choices cant hold a light to her.
For me, yes there are oodles of “perfect” names. My problem was finding a name that was perfect for both me and my husband. You will love so many names in your lifetime and those favorites may change. I would make a short list of favorites and go from there. Are there some names that are long term favorites?
[name_m]How[/name_m] old is she? Sometimes babies take a little while to “become” their name. They need to grow into their little personalities and then they assume an identity. Until then, their name is just an abstract idea. With my daughter, it took a good 3-4 months before I felt like she WAS her name. Now I’ve got a newbie and saying his name still feels a little forced, but I know he’ll grow into it.
It’s poetic the way you describe your daughter and how her name doesn’t fit her. Members of my family talk about the perfect name. My ma thinks she gave me the perfect name for me, but growing up I hated it because it was such a big grand name that no one could pronounce. I felt like I couldn’t live up to it. Then I developed a complex in high school when people told me that my name didn’t fit me. So, no, I don’t believe in the perfect name. I think there is a perfect name for parents, and then as the child grows, he or she will think of names that would have suited better.
brigid16 and smismar both have great insight on this. I love my daughter’s name, I loved it long before she was born, but I still second guessed it once she was here, and then periodically through her first months of life. In fact, I didn’t even feel like I knew her well enough to know what name would fit her until she was about 3 months old. But that time, she had grown into the name we had given her, or her name grew into her.
I don’t believe the perfect name truly exists. When we named [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] I never second guessed or doubted our choice. From the moment I knew I was pregnant I knew what her name would be as she is named after my Grandmother. I never doubted the name, not because of the name itself but the person who she was named after. I knew that if I could have a daughter even half as wonderful, inspiring and sacrificing as my Grandma I would be a very lucky mum.
When it came to naming [name_f]Annabelle[/name_f] it was a totally different story. She wasn’t named until after she was born. Partially that was because of my husbands stubbornness and partially I felt like to name could ever hold as much meaning to me as [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f]'s does. I doubted our choice for a few months after we named her. It didn’t feel quite right when I told people her name. I never vocalized my doubts to anyone and now I am glad I didn’t. When she was about 3 months old I was rocking her back to sleep in the middle of the night and I suddenly realized how perfectly her name suits her. She truly is and [name_f]Annabelle[/name_f]. It took a while for her to grow into her name but I know that we chose the right name for her.
I have always felt like my children’s names were perfect for them. Although I did wonder a few times if I would have preferred to nickname my daughter [name_f]Molly[/name_f] but never seriously and now she’s definitely [name_f]Mary[/name_f]. There are people who talk about name regret so it is possible that’s what your experiencing. [name_f]One[/name_f] solution might be to find a nickname for her and start using it. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you prefer her middle name? I’m assuming she’s still very young so it probably would work out fine. I had a coworker whose daughter had a random nickname unrelated to her first or middle names. It fit her wonderfully and he was considering changing her name middle name so it wouldn’t seem so random.
You can always change it, but no name is ever as perfect as your child. I love my daughters name very much, but it’s not as beautiful as she is because that’s just impossible.
I love hearing everyones indivual experiences, I admit I dont thinj their is a perfect name either. But I feel like you should be proud and delighted to say their name not subconsciously go around it avoiding the identity of the name which is often what I find myself doing after four months. I agree no words will ever describe our children perfectly, im [name_f]Glad[/name_f] you ladies are happy though and have some beautifully named children
Oh & I forgot to mention boyandgirl… I dont really have any favorites, names have never been my thing. When I searched and searched not many names ever stood out to me and the ones that did have their drawbacks. I feel like im at a deadendm thank god I didnt have triplets!
Corvet, it sounds like you’re in a somewhat different situation than many of us. You said you had to compromise on naming your daughter with someone who is no longer in your lives, correct? Honestly, the problem may be residual negative feelings about that person and about having to compromise in the first place more than not liking the name itself. In my experience, it’s actually pretty common for women to fixate and obsess about certain things postpartum. I’ve known plenty of new moms who couldn’t stop thinking about how their birth experience didn’t turn out just the way they had wanted it to, even though they had a healthy baby in their arms. I’m guilty of that. Or who had trouble getting over not being able to breastfeed as long as they wanted. I personally obsessed about breastfeeding, even though it was going totally completely 100% fine. We never struggled with it and my baby was growing great, and yet I still worried and stayed up at night reading everything about how to make sure a baby was getting enough milk, how to tell the difference between spitting up and vomiting, what food to avoid while breastfeeding, etc. It sounds like the name might be your “thing”. It might be helpful to talk to someone.
If your daughter is only 4 months old, she probably isn’t really responding consistently to her name yet, right? If the name makes you feel this depressed, maybe you should change it, if that’s an option for you. I would recommend doing it sooner rather than later, because some day she will start to identify herself with her name and I think it would be kind of cruel to take it from her then. My suggestion in choosing a new name would be focusing more on the meaning or personal significance that it holds for you instead of just the sound. Sometimes that can help, because no mere collection of sounds is going to come close to measuring up to your little love. Maybe you could find a name that embodies the aspirations you have for her? Or is there someone you really admire who would make a good namesake?
Good luck. My heart really goes out to you right now. Being a new mom is so so SO hard. The hardest and best thing you can ever do. The mommy guilt doesn’t ever really go away, at least for me it hasn’t, but as my daughter has gotten older and become more expressive, there are more opportunities for her to show me that we’re really doing alright. She’s beautiful and clever and spunky and hysterically funny…honestly, I don’t think I could squash that spirit even if I tired, so I should stop worrying. But, I’m a mom, so I can’t. I’m 100% sure your little one is just as wonderful in her special ways. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t let this get in the way of enjoying her babyhood. They grow so fast, you don’t want to miss it!
Thanks thatkathryngirl… your little girl soumds wonderful, I cant wait for mine to be able to express herself to me. &no she hasnt started to respond to it yet but I never really call her by it since she was named either which I think is cruel. I wanted to rename her after the first month but thought I couldnt and now I still feel like she deserves better.
Your probly right about the mommy guilt I was obsezsing about everything since shes born. I also read so much on breastfeeding because I was always worried she didny eat enough or often enoug amongst other things. I was mad about her birth as well my partner at the time was there to take pictures which I feel he failed at so her only real decent pictures she has were ones I took whicj I was o upset by esp the first few min ones. & a few othet things that week but im moving past that. Im sorry to hear your birth didnt go as planned either but you are right we have a perfectly healthy baby regardleas of those little things.
Thanks thatkathryngirl… your little girl soumds wonderful, I cant wait for mine to be able to express herself to me. &no she hasnt started to respond to it yet but I never really call her by it since she was named either which I think is cruel. I wanted to rename her after the first month but thought I couldnt and now I still feel like she deserves better.*Your probly right about the mommy guilt I was obsezsing about everything since shes born. I also read so much on breastfeeding because I was always worried she didny eat enough or often enoug amongst other things. I was mad about her birth as well my partner at the time was there to take pictures which I feel he failed at so her only real decent pictures she has were ones I took whicj I was o upset by esp the first few min ones. & a few othet things that week but im moving past that. Im sorry to hear your birth didnt go as planned either but you are right we have a perfectly healthy baby regardleas of those little things.
I think responding to their name is like a 5-7 month milestone, so don’t worry that she’s not doing it. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if you had been using her name a lot, she probably wouldn’t be responding yet anyway. You’re not failing her or doing anything wrong. I even had a hard time calling my little one by her name at first, I was just so used to calling her “[name_u]Baby[/name_u]” because we didn’t find out her gender until she was born. At her 6-month check-up the nurse asked if she was responding to her name yet and I was like, “Well…no…but she’ll look at me if I say “[name_u]Baby[/name_u]” or “Munchkin”! Does that count?”
That makes me feel a little better thank you. Id think id feel better finding a name I love for her but I cant search forever & it feels like a never ending search by this point. If I cant come to a decision within a month I think ill just accept her name even tho I can see a nickname - like your baby being her main identity - at least to me.
I’m going to suggest one and only one name… [name_f]Mirabel[/name_f].
I don’t think what you NEED right now is suggestions; I think what you need is more along the lines of advice and comfort from wise, lovely people like thatkathryngirl. And I agree it might be helpful to talk to a counselor or therapist (which would NOT mean anything is wrong with you, btw).
Perfection is a very popular concept in modern culture, but I’d have to say that I really don’t think it exists- in names, or in anything else that’s so closely tied to human-ness. Humans aren’t perfect; even sweet little baby girls aren’t perfect. But the lucky ones are better than perfect; they’re loved, and accepted for everything they are. It’s just sometimes harder to apply the same acceptance to ourselves and our own choices.
But anyway, [name_f]Mirabel[/name_f]- I just had to suggest it, because you use one word over and over for your little girl, which is “wonderful”- and that’s exactly what [name_f]Mirabel[/name_f] means.