my husband and i have been agonizing over baby names since before we were even expecting. boys’ names have been especially hard for us to agree upon! we have a name that we both want to use but it has a “link” to the past. one of my friends had a baby boy born prematurely about 5 years ago. the baby passed away soon after he was born. my friend and her husband gave their baby this name that my husband and i want to use. since then they have had three healthy baby girls. to give you a little more insight, our friends live in another state and we see them maybe once a year but there was a time when we were very close. my question is…what would you do? is it ok to use the name? any thoughts are appreciated.
I think it’s only right to ask your friends how they feel about you choosing this name. If they don’t mind, then it’s a go! The only downside: choosing a name that is linked to a deceased infant may be difficult for your family as well. It would remind you of the tragic association every time you call him.
If it is a name that you both feel is right for your child, then I would use it. You need to be prepared for some hurt feelings or sadness from your friends as this will undoubted make them think of the child they lost. However, it can’t be off limits forever because they happened to choose that name too. Would you feel comfortable talking with them and sharing your plans for the name? The ties you mentioned would be a good thing to share. You don’t OWE them an explanation, but it would be a nice conversation to have. This sounds like a tough situation, but it helps that they are not as close as they used to be. Maybe this will turn into a positive and they can find the joy (in some way) of a little boy with the same name living life to the fullest.
I’m curious, what is the name?
Great advice from [name]Mischa[/name]. Couldn’t have said it better!
Thanks for the reply. Neither of our families know these two friends and probably don’t even know the name association. It is a fairly common and popular boys name.
Thanks for all the replies…that was fast! 
The name is [name]Logan[/name]. I just love it and also really want an L name.
You could always talk to her first and let her know how you really love that name and see how it goes. Good luck!
[name]Logan[/name] is a great name! I understand the dilemma, it is mainstream/well-kmown but not no common that it would just be coincidence that you chose the same name. I miss-understood your post above regarding links to the past. I still say just have a friendly chat with them about it. You will feel better about it in the long run.
If it were really uncommon, like [name]Abraxas[/name] or [name]Willoughby[/name], I would urge caution. [name]Logan[/name], however, is enjoying use by lots of new parents, so I don’t think it should be so big a deal. Talking to her would probably be the right thing to do if you are concerned about hurting her feelings or bringing up old pain. However, there’s always the potential that she would get upset and tell you not to use it. Then if you decided it was the only name that works, you’d seem like a jerk for using it anyway… I guess it comes down to how much you want to use it vs. how much you really value what she thinks despite them living far away and not being that close anymore. So I agree that talking with her about it is probably the best route, but would prepare for disappointment.
Also there are lots of great boys’ names like [name]Logan[/name]: [name]Lachlan[/name]/Locklan, [name]Lincoln[/name], [name]Larkin[/name], [name]Latham[/name], [name]Lawson[/name], [name]Lleyton[/name], [name]Liam[/name]… But I understand if they don’t have quite the same appeal. Sometimes the name just clicks.
I think that using [name]Logan[/name] in this situation is ok. If the name was crazy uncommon I would suggest discussing it with your old friends but [name]Logan[/name] is a popular enough name that I doubt your friends haven’t run into a few since their loss.
I think it’s important to ask yourself how you feel about the name’s connection to this very sad situation though. If you connect the name to this family & that event maybe you should consider:
[name]Keegan[/name]
[name]Reagan[/name]
[name]Rogan[/name]
[name]Hagen[/name]
[name]Waylon[/name]
[name]Grayson[/name]
[name]Easton[/name]
[name]Weston[/name]
[name]Cameron[/name]
[name]Tyson[/name]
[name]Byron[/name]
[name]Harlon[/name]
My instinct is to say why don’t you ask your friend? Of course, if you so that you’re opening yourself up to her saying that she would be hurt, and then you really can’t use it. [name]Even[/name] so, that’s probably what I would do.
I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it, but if you are fine with it then I say just ask to be on the safe side.
I agree with the previous posters. Whether you approach it as asking for their blessing or just as a head’s up that you’re planning on using it is up to you, but it will be easier to decide what to do if you know how they feel about it instead of trying to guess. It might help to explain that you’ve had a hard time agreeing on a name and complimenting their taste in choosing it in the first place.
My grandfather got the name fn/ln combo of his deceased brother, which I find much creepier since everyone in the family, including older siblings, all had that link to the name. With your situation, there’s distance between you and them. They may feel hurt or they may feel like a little piece of their son is living on. It’s really tough to know, and I’m sure they’ll appreciate you considering their feelings by discussing it/letting them know ahead of time.
I would mention to your friend that you love the name [name]Logan[/name] and would like to give the name to your son. Since it’s such a popular name I personally don’t feel that there should be any hurt feelings over it, but you never know. I don’t think you need your friend’s permission to use [name]Logan[/name], but I do think you should at least mention it to her before the birth announcement.
I agree with most previous posters. It is probably fine, just discuss with your friend before the birth announcement. An email might be best initially to broach the topic…just so she has time to digest it and think about it before responding. Good luck!
If it were me, I would find another name. You could ask your friend, but it would be hard for them to tell you no and might really resent even being asked. It would be a constant reminder to them, that their little [name]Logan[/name] is not with them anymore. I think that the kindest action would be to find a name that didn’t cause additional pain to loved ones.
[name]Logan[/name] is a common enough name that I think it’s fine.
If it was a ocmpletely out there name then I think the connection would be much more obvious.
I wouldn’t do it without talking to your friend first. If it’s something that is going to be super upsetting to them, you have to ask yourself whether using that particular name is more important than that friendship OR more important than your friends’ feelings.
Also, like [name]Mischa[/name] said, you have to consider the association for you and your husband.
I would ask before using the name.
Some names to consider:
[name]Landon[/name] (long hill)
[name]Lanford[/name] (narrow way)
[name]Langston[/name] (tall mans town)
[name]Leander[/name] (lion man)
[name]Leif[/name] (heir, descendant)
[name]Lennon[/name] (small cloak or cape)
[name]Lennox[/name] (elm grove)
[name]Leonidas[/name] (lion)
[name]Levi[/name] (joined, attached)
[name]Leopold[/name] (brave people)
[name]Lionel[/name] (young lion)
[name]Llewellyn[/name] (resembling a lion)
[name]Loch[/name] (lake)
[name]Loew[/name] (lion)
[name]Loewy[/name] (brave person)
[name]Lonan[/name] (blackbird)
[name]Lorcan[/name] (little, fierce)
[name]Loren[/name] (from Laurentium)
[name]Lowell[/name] (young wolf)
[name]Lyndon[/name] (linden tree hill)
[name]Lysander[/name] (liberator)
Hmmm tough one.
I think it is a great name.
If you were very involved and close when their [name]Logan[/name] was he was born and passed away then I think I would err towards saying no to using it at all.
If on the other hand your relationship had become more distant by that time then maybe yes. But I do think it would be polite to mention it to them.
Since you only see them once a year I think it should be OK- except if you are in frequent contact- For example on Facebook- I imagine if I were them I would not like to see lots of photos of a new little [name]Logan[/name] if I had lost my own son named [name]Logan[/name]. If you did that it might break the friendship.
[name]Emilia[/name]
xoxoxo