We’d love your feedback on a potential name change for our seven-month-old son, [name_m]Ruben[/name_m]. It’s a small change, so we hope it’s reasonable.
We are traditionalists when it comes to names’ spellings, but we went with the variant “[name_m]Ruben[/name_m]” over the traditional “[name_m]Reuben[/name_m]” for two reasons. Firstly, we thought the multilingual, straightforward, phonetic, modern spelling would cut down on misspellings. (I’m [name_f]Megan[/name_f], but usually end up “[name_f]Meagan[/name_f]” or “[name_f]Meghan[/name_f]” unless I preemptively spell my name in all contexts.) [name_m]Ruben[/name_m]'s name is written incorrectly by friends and extended family, at the pediatrician’s office, at the town clerk’s, on insurance paperwork…criminy! Secondly, we thought opting for “[name_m]Ruben[/name_m]” instead of “[name_m]Reuben[/name_m]” would sidestep the all-too-easy jokes about the sandwich. No such luck! “Is that your favorite sandwich?” / “That’s MY favorite sandwich!” / “He better like the sandwich when he gets bigger…” / some mumbo-jumbo about the various ingredients and ways to prepare and eat a [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] sandwich almost always follow after introducing him to someone new.
I’m sick and tired of correcting people and paperwork, and I hate to think we’ve saddled our kiddo with a troublesome name. After waiting to see if we’d learn to live with the inconvenient misspellings and the rude, unoriginal jokes, we’ve begun thinking of ways to get around these nagging issues. What are your thoughts on the following possible solutions?
We want to formally change his name to [name_m]Reuben[/name_m]. That’s how most people have assumed his name is spelled anyway, and it’s technically the original version. We can drastically reduce the misspellings and annoyance/awkwardness of correcting those misspellings, simply by adding that first “e” into his name, on the record.
We have a lot of pet names and nicknames for him already: Roo, Roo-Roo-Coo-Choo, Chuy, and [name_m]Ben[/name_m], for starters. We had hoped [name_m]Ben[/name_m], being an unexpected/unconventional nickname for R(e)uben, would be used among family only. However, it seems like the perfect name to give someone who doesn’t really need to know his name (lady at the grocery store, I mean you). [name_f]Do[/name_f] you think it would be confusing to go by [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] at home and [name_m]Ben[/name_m] while out and about? I know this won’t be hard to understand, or up to us at all, once he’s school-aged, but I’m worried more about the short term, when he’s learning his name.
Thanks in advance, everyone!
Sincerely,
Aggravated Mama and Papa [name_m]Bear[/name_m], Tearing Out All Their Hair
I don’t think changing the spelling is a problem at all. That is such an insignificant change at his age. He’ll never even know about it unless you tell him later. I don’t know that I would call him [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] exclusively at home if you’re wanting to introduce him as [name_m]Ben[/name_m] to people at stores or whatever. If you do that, you honestly might run into the issue of your son telling people that’s not his name or wondering why you’re telling people it is when his name is [name_m]Reuben[/name_m]. I would just call him [name_m]Ben[/name_m] and [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] at home, [name_m]Ben[/name_m] out and about if [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] is that much of an issue for you.
Thanks for your reassurance, chelsanne22! I mentioned my frustration to my mom and she thought I was being silly. She, too, has an often-misspelled name, but it doesn’t bother her. I find it to be a hassle at the very least, and as a young child (learning to read and write) and again as a wallflower teenager and college student (figuring out “who I was” and trying to make an impression), it was really hard to let it go when people would mess my name up. I’m hoping we can help our little guy avoid this issue. Of course, he may not give a hoot, but just in case…
Better safe than sorry if you’re worried about it. =] I have a well- known first name with an uncommon spelling and had a very uncommon last name growing. I spent my entire life (up until I got married a couple years ago) getting irritated over people misspelling not only my first name, but my last too, so I get it. haha Now, though, I don’t even care anymore. But it took me a long time to get to that point.
Also, for what it’s worth, I got teased relentlessly about my birthday (Groundhog’s [name_u]Day[/name_u] in the US) as a child. Heard the same comments over and over again every time someone would find out about my birthday (“Oh, Groundhog’s [name_u]Day[/name_u]! Did you see your shadow!?!”). Was it annoying? For sure! Does it stop eventually? Yes. I think you guys and your son will get to a point where people won’t make the sandwich comments anymore. And if they do, they won’t be as annoying. =]
I think no matter the spelling you will have people misspelling it, just in the nature of having two vowels together ‘eu’ ‘ie’ etc, people tend to get the order confused. For some reason my instinct is to write [name_m]Rueben[/name_m]. BUT since [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] is the more standard spelling, I think it may relieve some tension there. I think [name_m]Ben[/name_m] is a perfectly unexpected but lovely nick name choice. You will have people think of the sandwich, but you expected that at least a little when you named him so it hopefully won’t be too annoying!
My child is named Tetley, so like you getting asked about the sand which, every time we say her name we get ‘like the tea?’. She is a year and half now and I have gotten over it and just say ‘yep!’ [name_m]Even[/name_m] though she was not named after the tea. If I’m really not in the mood for that conversation I just say her name is [name_u]Teddy[/name_u], her nickname. I think it would be weird for the kid if you always introduced him as [name_m]Ben[/name_m] but never called him that otherwise.
Honestly I think you will still get misspells if you change the spelling. I have always assumed it was spelled ‘[name_m]Ruben[/name_m]’. My name differs from the norm by one letter and I just say that right away if someone is writing it down.
Perfectly valid reasons to change the spelling to [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] but I find people will often make mistakes like spelling it [name_m]Rueben[/name_m]. It’s a little annoying but correct them once it’s fine. My name is [name_f]Anita[/name_f] and people often spell it [name_f]Annita[/name_f] or Anitta so you just have to accept it.
My [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] goes by lots of different nn Roo, Rooby, Reubs, Scooby…we did think that [name_m]Ben[/name_m] would be one nn we would use but it never happened. We also thought maybe [name_u]Joey[/name_u] would be a nn because a baby (kanga)roo is a [name_u]Joey[/name_u]!
Mainly he likes his name with no nn especially now he’s at school but I occasionally call him [name_u]Boo[/name_u] at home when it’s just us If you use [name_m]Ben[/name_m] as a nn at home then introducing your [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] as [name_m]Ben[/name_m] is ok but when he begins to talk he may correct people to his preference.
Good luck.
I agree with some others that you will get misspellings either way, but I think changing the spelling is completely ok at this point (since he has no idea how his name is written at this point!). I also agree with some other posters that if you plan on introducing him as [name_m]Ben[/name_m] you should also call him this at home (along with [name_m]Reuben[/name_m]) otherwise it may confuse him when he is old enough to understand. Of course when he is older he may have an opinion of his own about what he is called [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] vs [name_m]Ben[/name_m]. So don’t be too set on one or the other only to be disappointed when he chooses the other!
If I heard his name I would assume he was a [name_m]Reuben[/name_m], with an “eu”
I have never heard of a [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] sandwich but then again I live in Greece
If I were you I would change his name to either [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] or (to avoid the sandwich association) [name_u]Robin[/name_u]
It would be kind of confusing for the kid if you told everyone he was a [name_m]Ben[/name_m], and called him [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] at home (at least inn my opinion)
I don’t think changing one letter of his official name is a big deal at all. I also don’t think it’s a big deal for him to be both [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] AND [name_m]Ben[/name_m]. I’m [name_f]Jacqueline[/name_f] and [name_u]Jackie[/name_u] interchangeably. My dad is [name_m]William[/name_m] and [name_m]Bill[/name_m], his brother is [name_m]Richard[/name_m] and [name_m]Dick[/name_m], etc. There are so many people out there that are completely fine with going by both their full name and nickname that I wouldn’t worry!
I think changing the spelling is fine, and I like the nickname [name_m]Ben[/name_m] for [name_m]Reuben[/name_m]. As someone with a very commonly misspelled name ([name_f]Emilie[/name_f], I don’t think anyone has ever gotten it right without me specifically telling them how to spell it, and most people I know still misspell it. Oh well), I think that going with the traditionally spelling is usually the best option.
I live in an area where I’d automatically assume he was “[name_m]Ruben[/name_m].” I do think that his name will be misspelled even if you change it to [name_m]Reuben[/name_m], but I don’t think legally changing the spelling will be an issue at all. FWIW, I have a first and last name that nobody spells (or pronounces) correctly, and I automatically spell them both out when asked.
In my country [name_m]Ruben[/name_m] is the original spelling, so I would have never spelt [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] this way. Now if it’s the original spelling in [name_u]America[/name_u], go for it He doesn’t know how to spell his name yet, it’s definitely not a big change.
I also agree with this. You will anyways get [name_m]Rueben[/name_m], [name_m]Ruben[/name_m] or [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] and will have to correct people [name_f]IMO[/name_f]. Now, you are the one who knows what spelling is commonly used in your area. If [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] can solve a part of the problem by reducing the spelling mistakes, change it.
I think the spelling change is perfectly fine, but is it worth the hassle to you, knowing that you will likely still be dealing with spelling mistakes? I agree with other posters that there will still be people getting it wrong, and that the best you can hope for with a legal change is a reduction in the frequency of the errors. Depending on where you live and how much trouble the name change will be, it’s worth considering whether you might just be willing to live with this.
I also think [name_m]Ben[/name_m] is a perfectly usable nn for R(e)uben, but I would not use it exclusively when introducing him to strangers. If you use the names interchangeably in different contexts, there shouldn’t be any confusion.
The misspellings and lame jokes will continue but if you want to change the spelling, go for it. I see no problem with going by full name vs. [name_m]Ben[/name_m]. I’m for more freedom when it comes to names/nicknames.
If you use [name_m]Ben[/name_m] as a nn at home then introducing your [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] as [name_m]Ben[/name_m] is ok but when he begins to talk he may correct people to his preference.