A friend of mine is pregnant and considering using her second husband’s first wife’s name for their baby, not just because she likes it, but actually naming the baby after her. Her rationale is that her son from her first marriage is named after her first husband, [name]William[/name] (but goes by [name]Liam[/name].) [name]Both[/name] my friend and her second husband were widowed, so it’s not like an ex-wife is in the picture.
I told her that she’s crazy for considering it at all, but if she must, make it a middle name. She did not know the first wife. (I could understand if she had and they were friends.) I also told her it would be far more appropriate for her stepson to name his daughter after his mom.
So, is this weird or just me? Anyone have any logical arguments other than what I’ve already said that will get through a pregnancy brain? (Her husband is out of town and hasn’t heard about this yet.)
I thought it was really weird until I saw that the second husband was widowed, not divorced. I have to admit the rationale is a little odd (that the son is named after the first husband) but I can see the desire to keep the memory of someone important (who I’m assuming husband #2 loved, since they weren’t divorced) alive.
To me this just seems a personal matter between the husband and wife, and if he doesn’t know yet then I would wait to see what he says or thinks before making any comment. I see her logic. Perhaps she feels the father would like to do this in an honoring sense, but would not feel comfortable suggesting that to her so she is making the first move and letting him say no if he doesn’t want to. I certainly would not have called her crazy.
It’s a little unusual but I don’t think it’s crazy or wrong, especially since the first wife passed away. As long as both your friend and her husband are okay with it then I don’t think it’s a problem. I would just support their decision.
I have a feeling she is trying to comfort her husband by letting him have a piece of his former wife live on. My first reaction is that I dont think its a good idea, mainly for the sake that when the son hears his mothers name, it should only be her that he thinks of, rather then a sister too…hearing it everyday will sort of muddle the specialness of the name. (with that said after some thought, the flip side of my feelings is that it may bring him comfort hearing his moms name, but then again it wouldnt be just his moms name anymore, the name would take on to different meanings to him) or it may be painful for the boy, an everyday reminder that his own mother is no longer living…that is my biggest reservation in all of this…as this boy is probably still grieving his mother. Before she goes through with it, I would advise taking the boy to a therapist and make sure that the therapist feels it wouldnt be harmful to the boy emotionally…and if her and her husband put the boy on the spot and ask him, he may say yes its okay without really understanding the possible feelings he may endure later…kids want to please their parents and he is probably really looking for acceptance from his new stepmom. So basically this is something that really needs to be thought through with care.
If I were her husband I’d probably flip out :lol: . I don’t think it’s a good idea at all, but each to their own. I agree that her step son has more of a right to use it then she does. Have you suggested using a variation of the name?
If first wife were alive, I would say it was crazy. But since she has passed on, I see no problem with it. It would be a nice touch to give the middle name as the living wife’s name. My husband is very sentimental, and I can see him doing this. It sounds sweet to me . . .
I think it’s between the parents. It’s a little on the morbid side, but if they both want to do it I think the intention is sweet. They may be looking at it as naming the baby after Stepson’s Mom, rather than as after Father’s First Wife.
I think the strange part is the fact that she didn’t know the woman. In a way it’s very sweet to commemorate this woman who died and obviously meant a lot to her husband. On the other hand, what is she going to say to her daughter? I never actually met her but I wanted you to be named after her? And then there’s the mixed message that makes it feel like the dad is still in love with that woman. Maybe he is, but I think it’s probably not the best message to put out there when you’re having a child with a new woman.
In the end, it’s their decision and I think it’s very kind of your friend to remember that woman in such a way.
Okay, you guys were supposed to help me convince her it wasn’t a good idea, not convert me!
I called her to tell her that I wasn’t dead set against it like before, only to learn that her husband had returned home early and he had basically said “thank you, it’s a nice thought, but no.” (For him, that is flipping out - he’s one of the least emotional people I know - think Spock.) He also nixed it as a middle name since the only time he ever heard his middle name was when he was in trouble. But he is completely for encouraging the use of the name for a grandbaby.
I did still tell her that it was sweet, thoughtful and unselfish of her and everything else everyone said. And pointed out that her stepson is very lucky to have a lady that cares that much about his mom in his life. She broke down in happy tears at that point and there wasn’t much point in trying to talk to her after that, or need to.
