The problem is not with me, nor my husband. But my father-in-law. He mentioned today that if my second child is born a girl, and we don’t name her [name]Maria[/name] (like my mother-in-law), then he would be finished with us. As in, he would not talk to us anymore. [name]Said[/name] this to us today, on our 3rd wedding anniversary :(. What a difficult day!
See, my mother-in-law is no longer with us. And I never met her before she died. I’ve only heard nice things about her. I like the name [name]Maria[/name] and all, but there are [name]WAY[/name] [name]WAY[/name] [name]WAY[/name] too many with that name. And anyway, we’ve decided on the name [name]Phoebe[/name], if it’s a girl. We have a 2 year-old named [name]Jarod[/name] [name]Zeno[/name]. (I’ve posted before about trying to get sibling names for my son…still trying to decide on a boy name).
Anyway, my FIL has had so much trouble saying our son’s name. For the main reason that it’s not an Italian name (and we’re living in [name]Italy[/name] right now). He doesn’t even attempt to say it correctly (like so many others do) and calls him [name]Jerry[/name] and I get so pissed, like I did today.
Sorry for the long post. [name]Just[/name] feeling so stressed right now. My FIL is being really unreasonable and unfair.
What do you guys think? I really like the name [name]Phoebe[/name] for a girl. Need a middle name. Was thinking of [name]Phoebe[/name] [name]Nora[/name]. For a boy…I’m considering [name]Brendan[/name], [name]Ethan[/name], [name]Ian[/name]. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated, as always. Thanks.
Did you consider [name]Phoebe[/name] [name]Maria[/name]? You shouldn’t be bullied into picking a name you don’t want to use. One thing to remember though: While [name]Maria[/name] may be very popular in [name]Italy[/name], it is less popular in the US if you are moving back.
With [name]Phoebe[/name] [name]Maria[/name], your FIL can always call her by her full name. [name]Just[/name] a thought!
With [name]Phoebe[/name], I would suggest a traditional mn to balance out its uniqueness.
He gave you an ultimatum? [name]How[/name] awful! I’m so sorry, Lollypop! I understand how he feels about his wife, but in my opinion, what you name your baby is up to you. He had his chance to name his children, and this is your chance and your baby.
Like the previous poster (was it [name]JoJo[/name]'s mom?) said, you could always use [name]Maria[/name] in the middle. You may like [name]Marielle[/name], [name]Mariana[/name], [name]Marisol[/name], or even [name]Marin[/name].
[name]Abraham[/name] (nn [name]Abe[/name] or [name]Bram[/name])
[name]Abner[/name]
[name]Abel[/name]
[name]Benjamin[/name]
[name]Ezra[/name]
[name]Elijah[/name]
[name]Eli[/name]
[name]Gideon[/name]
[name]Gabriel[/name]
[name]Micah[/name]
[name]Nathaniel[/name]
[name]Noah[/name]
[name]Raphael[/name]
[name]Simon[/name]
[name]Samson[/name]
[name]Seth[/name] (I saw that you were looking for something similar to [name]Ethan[/name])
[name]Silas[/name]
[name]Tobias[/name]
[name]Zachary[/name]/[name]Zachariah[/name]
I agree with what the others said about not being bullied into a name, and they have given you some good suggestions. Does your husband think that he would actually stop speaking to you, or is he just being melodramatic?
However, for what it’s worth, I think that [name]Phoebe[/name] [name]Maria[/name] would be lovely, even though they are very different styles of names. The “ee” sound in both of them makes it work for me somehow. And even though you never met her, I’m sure that your husband would be touched if you wanted to give your child his mother’s name as a middle name.
I’m under the opinion that despite his ultimatum today, your father-in-law would not actually stay true to his word. I don’t feel like he would give up the chance to see his son and grandchildren just because a grand-daughter is not named after his late wife. Then again, I don’t know his character, and maybe that is exactly something he would do…
I love [name]Phoebe[/name] with [name]Jarod[/name]. It is a cute name! [name]Phoebe[/name] [name]Caroline[/name] (from [name]Jill[/name]'s suggestions) is my favorite! But, if you want to honor [name]Maria[/name], there are plenty of other names with that same meaning - “sea of bitterness” - that you could choose! [name]Phoebe[/name] [name]Marisa[/name] springs to my mind first, and I think this has the same fresh feel as your son’s name. [name]Phoebe[/name] [name]Muriel[/name], [name]Phoebe[/name] [name]Mariana[/name], [name]Phoebe[/name] [name]Marisol[/name], etc., are all good options, too!
Hang in there, and let your child’s name be your decision. FIL can learn to live with it or lose a part of his family - either way, it is his decision, not yours…
Im sorry your father in law even said that. when people get old they have no filter. If i were in your shoes I would give her the first name [name]Maria[/name] and two middle names, then call her by a middle name. In Mexico many of my family member are named [name]Maria[/name] with a second name and they ALL go by there second name. It really would mean a lot to your FIL and probably to your hubby. Or maybe you can make [name]MAria[/name] one of two middle names and tell FIL it’s her first name. Then when she gets older and asks why her grandad calls her [name]Maria[/name] just say he is a little nuts and to humor him.
Your FIL is being very unreasonable. This isn’t his child to name and he shouldn’t throw out ultimatums like that.
However to keep the peace and humour him maybe you should use [name]Maria[/name] as a middle name and tell him that he can call her [name]Maria[/name]. It’ll almost be like a special bond between them.
Besides [name]Phoebe[/name] [name]Maria[/name] does sound very pretty.
Of course you could also give two middle names. [name]Maria[/name] for him and then something you like for the other one, although I’m opposed to one child having two mn’s when the other only has 1. But you could hyphenate, like [name]Phoebe[/name] [name]Ester[/name]-[name]Maria[/name], which has quite a ring to it.
I echo everyone’s sympathy and also think [name]Meryl[/name] P’s suggestion is great. It is an old tradition to give girls the first name [name]Maria[/name] or [name]Mary[/name] and call them by their middle name – I have a Dutch friend whose name is like this, and all of [name]Robert[/name] [name]Kennedy[/name]'s daughters had the first name [name]Mary[/name]! Sounds like Grandpa might even space out that everybody else calls his granddaughter [name]Phoebe[/name].
He doesn’t seem like a very reasonable person but given that the birth of a granddaughter is not imminent, the best tack might be to smile, back away, and when the time comes, name your child whatever you want.
[name]Phoebe[/name] [name]Maria[/name] is really pretty! [name]Love[/name] [name]Phoebe[/name] [name]Caroline[/name], too.
I have lived with a very unreasonable m-i-l for 25 years. Plus I dated my husband for 5 years before that. I learned to deal with her. One thing I learned to do was to look pleasant but step closer to her when she was acting unreasonable and I also raise my chin slightly. She often would back down if I did this behavior. Another thing I did was to think of the behavior I wanted her to achieve. Then I would complement her on that behavior and also her character even when she acted in the opposite way.
So if I were you with your father-in-law, first I wouldn’t say anything about names until I was maybe two months away from giving birth to my daughter. Then as the time approached, I would say, [name]Hi[/name], whatever you call him, I love the way you care about what we name our baby. Yes, [name]Maria[/name] is a lovely name - she must have been an amazing person, and I love the way you want us to think of a name we especially love to put with [name]Maria[/name]. That shows what a kind and wonderful Grandpa you are!
As far as the [name]Jerry[/name] for [name]Jared[/name] thing goes, I would just let that go. Amazingly, most kids grow up adoring their grandparents. There may come a time when your son is just wild about his grandpa. It’s good to encourage that. [name]Jerry[/name] can be a special name that his grandpa and no one else calls him. My son loves my m-i-l. They have this amazing bond. She ended up paying for his last year of college. He is house-sitting her house for a year. It’s a great thing. But I really don’t see what he sees in her. But she adores him and treats him much differently than she treats most people. Of course she also adores my husband.
[name]Hi[/name]! First of all, I think that if you have decided on [name]Phoebe[/name], you should name her [name]Phoebe[/name]. You are the parents and you should be the ones that choose your daughter’s name, not your father in law!
Anyway, I live in [name]Italy[/name] as well and I find it odd that you say that [name]Maria[/name] is so common because actually it isn’t common at all on little girls. It’s more of an old lady’s name.
So if you don’t like it because it’s too popular I think you should reconsider it because a [name]Maria[/name] born in 2010 is probably going to be the only one with that name in her class and in her group of friends.
[name]Little[/name] girls are all named things like [name]Sofia[/name], [name]Giulia[/name], [name]Martina[/name], [name]Alice[/name], [name]Sara[/name], [name]Chiara[/name], [name]Aurora[/name], [name]Gaia[/name], [name]Matilde[/name]…even foreign names like [name]Nicole[/name] and [name]Michelle[/name] are more popular than [name]Maria[/name] nowadays!
Thank you to everyone for your feedback and suggestions. It really means a lot to me.
You know, my husband disagrees with his father, and just doesn’t get why he’s being this unreasonable. He’s upset too, but not as much as me, because he knows his father better than I do. By the way, my FIL has a VERY difficult personality.
I’m might consider using a version of “[name]Mary[/name]” for a middle name, but I still like [name]Phoebe[/name] [name]Nora[/name], as does my husband.
I think [name]Maria[/name] is a nice name but there are already too many with that first name on my husband’s side of the family. One name that I thought about giving my future daughter was [name]Emma[/name] (my husband’s grandmother) but that’s ANOTHER issue with my FIL. Jeez! Besides, [name]Emma[/name], although lovely, is a little too popular for me.
Anyway, wouldn’t it be funny if I have another boy? All this added worry and stress for nothing. And, no, I wouldn’t consider naming him [name]Mario[/name].
Any other ideas for a girl middle name and boy names would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
I understand how he feels about his wife, but in my opinion, what you name your baby is up to you. He had his chance to name his children, and this is your chance and your baby.
