It it okay to give one child two middles and not the other?

Hey berries, my boyfriend and I were having this debate last night and I thought I would see what you guys think!

NOTE: names in quotes are not the real names we would use, (don’t feel comfortable posting that online), but they are similar classic timeless names.

We’re not having children for a while, but we’ve already decided on [name]Jude[/name] for a boy, and planned to give him the middle name “[name]Thomas[/name]” as it’s the middle name of my boyfriend as well as my boyfriend’s twin brother who tragically passed away in a horrible way and whom we want to honor. “[name]Thomas[/name]” is also my father’s name, as well as my boyfriend’s father’s name, so it just seems natural to use it. Part of the reason we picked [name]Jude[/name] was because naming our baby [name]Jude[/name] [name]Thomas[/name] Lastname would give him the same initials as my boyfriend and his twin (yes, I think it’s tacky his parents did this, very matchy).

HOWEVER, I thought it would be even better to name our baby [name]Jude[/name] “[name]James[/name]” “[name]Thomas[/name]”, as “[name]James[/name]” was the name of my boyfriend’s brother, so our baby would have his own name ([name]Jude[/name]) and own identity but still honor his uncle who he will never meet, as well as both grandfathers, and his father.

My boyfriend loves this idea but then feels we would be obligated to give all our children 2 middle names. I dissagree, as it’s not like we just gave him 2 middles for the heck of it, it’s two names that have a lot of meaning and i wouldn’t just want to give my other kids 2 middles with names that don’t mean as much just to keep them all matching. what do you think?

Our favorite sibling names (to give you an idea) are:

[name]Jude[/name] [name]James[/name] [name]Thomas[/name]
[name]Rhys[/name] [name]Alexander[/name]
[name]Luca[/name] [name]Henry[/name]
[name]Imogen[/name] [name]Mary[/name]

Well, I understand your reasoning, but personally, I dislike the imbalance of siblings having varying numbers of middle names. Perhaps you can find other names for the other kids with as much family meaning so that each has two? Or, skip [name]James[/name] since [name]Thomas[/name] means twin. (Unless [name]Thomas[/name] isn’t the real name. But if you wanted the twin meaning, you could acutally use it.)


[name]Thomas[/name] isnt the real name, and neither is [name]James[/name], although both my boyfriend and his twin did have classic names that started with a J. I know it would be easier if I posted the real names, but the internet can be creepy and I don’t like giving out too many personal details, you know?

I think it’s better for all the children to have the same number of names. I have a middle name and my sister doesn’t (there’s a reason behind that, but not a good one) and she’s always hated it. It may even be a great way to compromise or use other meaningful names you wouldn’t put in the first slot. It’s not the worst thing in the world if they don’t have the same number of names, but I think it’s better if they do.

Maybe I’m not reading the post correctly, but why do you want to use the name “[name]James[/name]”? If “[name]Thomas[/name]” is the middle name of your boyfriend, his brother, your father and his father, why is it necessary to add “[name]James[/name]”? You’re still honoring your bf’s late twin, as well as other men is your family. I think that it may be unnecessary to add “[name]James[/name]”, especially if you don’t want to continue using two middle names.

However, if you really like using “[name]Jude[/name] [name]James[/name] [name]Thomas[/name]”, I would encourage you to think about using two middle names for your further children. It can be a great way to use names that you really like and to honor people close to you. I think it’s easier to compromise with your partner if there is more room to work with. You may not have as many children as you think, or the combination of genders that you wish. You may be grateful that you kept room open to use all of the names you like.

If you want to use two middle names with one child and not with the others, it’s not that big of a deal. It will only be on their birth certificate and other legal documents (and rarely will they be seen with your other children’s documents). Not many people will know what your children’s middle names are, let alone how many of them are there.

[name]Remember[/name], although you may agree on names now, your tastes may change later. You also may not have the number of children you plan on having. It’s good to keep an open mind about these things because we have very little control over them! Good luck!

I am the middle of 5 children by my mother. (I am the oldest of 2 by my father.) My mother had 3 girls before finally having a boy. The three of us girls got just one middle name while my brother, her first son, got two. His middle names honor my mother’s twin brothers who passed away at a very young age. I have never been jealous, angry, upset, or anything because he got two middles and I did not. I think it’s very respectful and honorable that she gave him those names. I personally would not want an extra middle, just to make it even. I am named after my grandmother I never met, I was given her first name as my first name. [name]Long[/name] story short, I agree with you. (Sorry for the rambling!) I hope this helps.

  • [name]Lainy[/name]

I would just use [name]Thomas[/name] as a mn and save [name]James[/name] for any future sons. Your other sons might wonder why their brother got all the meaningful family names and they didnt. Also, [name]Ive[/name] heard that the second middle name is often left out on forms and such, so if [name]Thomas[/name] is really important too you then I wouldnt use it as a second mn. [name]Jude[/name] “[name]Thomas[/name]” and [name]Luce[/name] "[name]James[/name]’ for example would be a better way to distribute the family names.

I am interested to read the answers to this! We have two bio kids and one adopted (all girls). Our bio kids have one middle name each but our adopted daughter has two middle names – two names given by us and her birth name (Chinese) as a second middle name. It’s always seemed “right” to us, as she already had a name when she joined our family and it seemed proper to honor her heritage that way. But now we’re expecting a fourth child, and knowing that it will be our last, I’m considering two middle names if it’s a boy. I have several family members I would like to honor with his name and I won’t have any more chances. I doubt that my other two daughters would ever feel slighted in any way if he has more names than they do, but I do wonder about balance. Thanks to the OP for asking this, and thanks to others for sharing opinions!