A few years back I had a miscarriage at just a little under four months and since we found out about this pregnancy I’ve been a little on edge. We had baby names picked out for the little one - boy and girl names as we didn’t know the gender yet - and we were very excited, when we lost the baby I felt like I had “jinxed” the entire thing by choosing names and hence why I think I don’t want to pick a name out for this baby.
All of my pregnancy I’ve felt a little on edge and I just feel constantly scared at the prospect of being too happy - like I was for the first pregnancy - in case I “jinx” it. We’ve literally done everything different with this baby: didn’t tell very close family (ie our parents and my sister) until about two weeks ago, we’ve not discussed names that much or decided on anything definite, not bought anything etc etc…
I’m beginning to be a bit happier now but I was just wondering if anybody else in a or who has been in a similar situation fet the same or has their own story? Or any advice.
I haven’t been in that situation and can’t really offer advice as I am still TTC. I can’t imagine the sense of loss, but I do know that statistically somewhere around 50% of first pregnancies end in miscarriage. So don’t be too hard on yourself. There’s nothing you did that could have jinxed it. Something may have been wrong the first time around that is just right this time. Allow yourself to be happy
I’m sorry for your loss, and it’s completely natural and understandable to feel a little nervous about your pregnancy. But good news! Jinxes aren’t real!
The things that are going to make this pregnancy different from the last isn’t who you tell, what you buy, or what names you discuss. It’s going to be what you eat, how you exercise, and what stimuli you put your body through. I get the whole “I don’t want to get excited just in case the whole house of cards falls down” thing and I can tell you it’s a more self-destructive thought process than a helpful one. I worry that you haven’t let yourself bond with this baby because of your fear. Stress is way more dangerous for a pregnancy than jinxes! There are lots of things you can do to try your best to prevent miscarriage, but trying to avoid jinxes isn’t really one of them.
By your signature I’m guessing you’re almost in your third trimester and close to the point of viability. I’d love it if you could enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and do your best to keep yourself healthy and bond with your daughter. Let yourself get excited and don’t psych yourself out! If you aren’t already, join a yoga class, or doing something else that’s good for you. Maybe you can start to feel like you’re doing something good for your body, nurturing it and preparing yourself for motherhood, and less worried about potential complications. The best thing you can do for your baby is to stay healthy and positive. Your body is not a timebomb, it’s an incredible machine that is capable of amazing feats.
Good luck! If you even need anyone to talk to, you can drop me a PM.
Thank you both for your insight and kind words, it is truly appreciated.
Maepae - just to clarify, I’ve tried to maintain my pre-pregnancy life as much a possible. I go on a run every evening with the dog however it now seems more like a power walk. I eat my weight in fresh fruit and veg and have been eating as well as I can. Thank you for your help.
Yes, I can relate very well. I also miscarried my first pregnancy (at 10 weeks) and then got pregnant again about a year later and was terrified the entire time. I now have a healthy 5 month old baby girl but it felt like it took forever and there were lots of tears. I was stressing and scared of everything. But it gets easier the further along you get. I don’t believe in jinxes so I’m not sure what to say to that.
I do also want to comment on one previous comment though. In reality, probably 90% of the time (or higher), there’s absolutely NOTHING you can do to prevent a miscarriage. Because most of the time it’s a genetic problem or a chromosomal issue and it had absolutely NOTHING to do with mama or her diet or any of that b.s… I’m sorry but that kind of misinformation makes me angry because it could make a woman who miscarried feel like it’s her fault and it’s NOT. For most miscarriages it’s impossible to ever find the reason why it happened but it’s well-known that they can’t be prevented. Diet and exercise are great for you and for your baby, of course, but they’re most likely not going to matter one bit in terms of whether or not you’ll miscarry. [name_u]Read[/name_u] the data, it’s out there a million times over.
Best of luck to you and your little one, hang in there and take it one day at a time! [name_f]Do[/name_f] some meditation/deep breathing whenever you can. It really does help with your stress level. Take care!
Yes, though it almost sounds low when you put it like that. It’s about 1 in 4 pregnancies when you include pregnancies that ended so early mom probably didn’t even know she was pregnant yet. It’s horrible and so hard, especially when it’s your first because it leaves you fearing that you can’t have kids at all, but it’s not at all unusual. So a lot of the time, it just happens and it was nothing that mama (or dad) did. It’s so easy to blame yourself and question every single move you made but that’s futile and very hurtful. [name_m]Just[/name_m] keep focusing on the positive with baby #2!
It’s around 50% of pregnancies and as cvdutch rightly stated there is literally almost nothing you can do to prevent it from happening. Stress, diet, ‘de-toxing,’ etc doesn’t count for shit when the chromosomes aren’t right or the placenta doesn’t function properly. I too despise this kind of misinformation. However if you’ve had your anatomy scan and everything looks good, you really can relax (statistically and medically speaking).
Hugs to you.
I lost 2 babies last year, so I am in a position to honestly say I relate to what you are feeling.
I do silly little rituals (like wear a lucky ring), I have kept it very quite- only just told a few select people in the last 2 weeks, and have only just bought a few items for the baby recently. The entire first trimester was a nightmare- I spent it on tender hooks and constant ‘toilet paper watch’. I suspect you would have felt much the same? It was hard to feel joyful while also feeling like it could end at any moment- especially as I had a scare this time too.
I think it is normal to feel anxious. I think it’s normal to fear losing the baby. I think it’s completely normal to avoid hoping too much ‘just in case’ it fails.
At this stage I think you sound like you are quite a way in, perhaps it’s time to allow yourself some joy and excitement? Book a maternity photo shoot? Buy some goodies for your rainbow baby. Celebrate that fromyour loss came joy. The joy is here, and now is the time to start treasuring now.
I felt the same way, not worried about jinxing it, but worried I’d get excited only to be heartbroken again. [name_m]Even[/name_m] after the doctor said I was clear, I heard the heartbeat on Doppler, etc…I didn’t want to tell anyone for fear of having to talk about a potential miscarriage.
[name_m]Even[/name_m] after I told people, at nearly 5 months, I didn’t really feel it. I think I was in shock. I didn’t allow myself to plan out having a baby, think of names, picture it, buy anything.
I think once it came down to really having to plan it, mentions of my baby shower, her dad getting excited, breast feeding classes, etc…I started to feel excited and pregnant and joyful, probably around 6-7 months.
