I’ve noticed that too <3 My family is are ultra religious, and their methods of doing things just aren’t agreeable to me <3 I am trusting until I have a reason not to be, and my family definitely gives me a reason not to be! </3 And I will be the same, my baby with me at all times!! At least until its a little older I am hoping to be a stay at home mom for a minimum of until he/she’s in school. Thats wonderful, to have your finances ready! I know me and my bf could make it without financial assistance from the family, but it’d be easier with. But who knows, we’re planning on waiting another year before really trying for one.
I hope this isn’t to… detailed, but I read on a few sites about male sperm not lasting as long as female sperm, so if you wait until a little further before ovulation and use less penetration, apparently it is semi helpful towards having a girl, and the opposite for a boy No idea if thats correct, but quite a few sites seemed to say yes to it! I know its silly, but I’ve also been following the chinese gender charts, maybe good luck? Who knows! I so hope these methods can work for you!
I can understand that <3 It took a bit for me to find a therapist that I was comfortable talking to, honestly. I think you should try to get him to open up to listening to your fears? Because you can’t really make anyone listen. But if you tell him that your really upset about something and you really need someone to talk to, then he might sit and listen! Though I don’t know him, so I wouldn’t know the best way to approach him <3 But talking about things certainly helps ridding of fears. If you know your skeptical and all, and you don’t think you could open up to a stranger like that, then it might not be the thing for you then At least you do have your fiance there to talk to though, and loved ones beat strangers any day <3
I know The Natural Planning Method is more of a religious thing… but it helps you see when the best time to aim for a girl is farther away from ovulation so you can see 5 days before when your egg is going to drop and try then because girls (sperm) can live longer than boys. If you want a boy, you do it like one day before since boys are quicker than girls. I honestly don’t really trust it for the not getting pregnant part and still use contraceptives. But when we get closer to plan it, I am defiantly going to use it to know when the best time is to try for a girl. I might combine it with the Chinese gender chart to for extra luck, my fiance’ will probably think I’m crazy since we already aim for trying to have a spring baby so I am not pregnant during the summer months.
My fiance’ and I had another talk to make sure we were on the same page and he is actually very okay with keeping the baby a secret, more okay than I thought he would be. He would like to tell his family, but he does know my mom very well, and thinks it might be best just to wait until we know the gender of the baby before telling anyone. He also wants to keep the due date a secret since he also wants to avoid family chaos. He just never really wanted to talk about it since he thought it was too soon, but I don’t think it is ever too soon because eventually you’ll have to talk about it and better to do it when you aren’t ready to have a baby then to do it when you are and end up arguing.
It’s your pregnancy, shower, and delivery, and I think you should be able to do things exactly the way you want. That said, waiting until the 12th week to break the news is pretty common. We waited until all of our genetic testing results came back normal (right around the 12th week).
A surprise shower (in terms of revealing sex) sounds like fun, but if you want gender-specific clothes and such, it might be better to reveal the sex ahead of time. Personally, I prefer gift certificates.
In terms of labor and delivery, everyone is different. I was induced and did vomit (or dry heave, as I had nothing in my stomach) during the transition phase. The induced contractions were very painful, I’m not going to lie, and although I have not had a natural birth to compare it to, their strength and regularity felt chemical rather than natural. At that point I asked (or begged, pleaded, sobbed) for an epidural. It took some time to take effect, but once it did, all the pain went away. Pushing my baby out was the best part. I could still feel the contractions, so I knew when to push, but they didn’t hurt. I could also feel the baby crowning, and it felt like a burning/stinging sensation, but again, not painful. I can honestly say the pushing part was fun, although then it was almost 4:00 in the morning, and I was exhausted.
I’ve been sort of keeping up with this thread for a little bit, and decided I would throw in my two cents.
I’m not close to my family either. I’m only really close to my grandparents, barely, and my mother. My husband has absolutely no contact with his family at all. We pretty much pretend they don’t exist. I would never trust my baby with those abusive evil people, and he wouldn’t trust the baby with anyone but my grandma and mother. I understand that part and wanted to give you my support there.
I think it’s perfectly fine to keep the baby a secret until you find out the gender. I know plenty of people who did that. I plan on doing that with my mother. When I get pregnant I plan on keeping it a secret so I can send the sonogram in the mail to my mother as a surprise. I will also be throwing my own shower, as I don’t have an friends that live here. I want it to be a “surprise gender” party like you. I plan on getting mostly neutral stuff and then tell everyone when we cut the cake. My husband is going to bake it with the color of the baby inside (so if it’s a girl, pink cake inside) and then everyone will know. We also won’t tell the name. That’s fine too.
I think I would be a little disappointed if I get pregnant and it’s a girl, but I’ve just been going over in my head that with a girl I can dress her up and play dolls and all that girly stuff. I want a boy though. You’ll feel disappointed, but I don’t think you’ll hate your baby or anything because it’s not a girl. If it turns out to be a boy, you’ll get over the disappointment at some point. Besides, there are things you can do to try and boost your chances of the gender you want. There’s the Shettles method, which I’m trying, which boosts a pretty good success rate. [name]One[/name] woman says she got the gender she wanted each time. For a girl, it’s missionary position, shallow penetration. Look it up.
As far as birth goes, I’ve never done it so I don’t know, but I’m sure it will hurt. I’m a little scared, but more excited.
I just wanted to give you my support. Seems you have a fine plan, and I’m sure your fiance will support you if you do get sad and he’ll support you if you get scared during labor. As long as you’re not planning on keeping the baby a secret indefinitely, I don’t see much of a problem. Work out your fears with your fiance, tell him he can’t get you pregnant until he sits and has a talk like a real man with you Best luck!
I think it’s a completely natural thing to think of. A lot of books on child baring will tell you the safest time to share your pregnancy is after the first trimester. I live out of state too and plan on waiting until then. That way you get through the risk part but it’s still early enough to not offend anyone and your family has time to get excited about it too. We are travlling home for xmas and are ttc next month and considered waiting but if we get lucky right away I would be 7 months… which is too far along to surprise anyone IMO. I am the eldest child and grand child so its just a big of deal to my family as it is to us. So if the sperm doesn’t latch onto an egg until mid to late summer then it’ll be a xmas surprise, but if we are lucky then people will get a call sooner However to reveal the sex I think I will wait until we go home (if I know).
Also, my friend recently had a baby in Sept and before she knew the sex she was PRAYING it would be a boy. She wanted a boy so badly and was worried she would be upset that it would be a girl. At the sonogram they learnt it was a girl and she cried with happiness. It was instant love, she couldn’t believe how happy she was. Sophia is now 7 months old, her little princess and I couldn’t imagine her with a boy haha. My DH wants a boy and so the first month we try I agreed to use the supposed tricks to have a boy haha. You have sex closer to your ovulation date. The male sperm swim faster but don’t live as long and female sperm. Female sperm can survive in the uterus for up to 5 days, and so if you want a girl having sex a few days before ovulation supposedly ups your chances. There is a slightly higher chance overall you have a girl but its not a big difference. Another couple we know had a baby last week. They have a girl and wanted a boy so badly this time. When they found out it was another girl her dh was actually pretty upset. They only wanted to have two kids but he said they will keep triyng till they have a boy. It took him a little while to accept he may never have a boy but he came around and now he keeps posting photos on FB about his princesses and how he is totally obsessed with his girls lol. I think regardless of what you have you will be happy and love the little bean with all your heart. If you do have some issues coping with it just try to remember it’s not the baby’s fault, and the baby is going to love you unconditionally regardless of what you wanted.
@lyricmom
Yeah, I read somewhere that the pain isn’t really from the pushing the baby part, it’s more form the labor pains, which are due to your body changes. I am defiantly going to have an epidural and it’s nice to know that it doesn’t hurt afterwords. I was afraid it would still hurt while on the epidural and that it just minimized the pain. This makes me feel a lot better knowing that it won’t hurt after the epidural. Thanks so much for sharing your experience! I think I’ll be able to relax more now. Although I am worried about vomiting. That’s not something I really want my fiance’ to see…
For the shower, that’s a good point. I think what we plan on doing is a double surprise. So when we send out the invites they will reveal that we are having a baby and that it’s a girl. Then maybe we’ll do the third surprise at the shower where we could do a guess what the baby’s name is going to be. I think it would be a lot of fun. I also love throwing parties. But like I said earlier, we don’t really want to expect anyone to bring gifts since it does seem kind of rude, so we’re planning on making presents optional too.
@dantea
Yeah, I’ve had people tell me that I won’t care about the gender when I find out because it would still be my baby no matter what. I just have a bit of a fear that I might be disappointed. We are planning on trying everything to get a girl since we both really want a girl. We’re combining the Natural Planning and Chinese Gender Chart, and we also were thinking of adding on the Shettles method.
Also thanks, it’s nice to know that it’s not crazy to wait till we know the gender and that we don’t want our baby watched by other people. I am not too crazy leaving them with my fiance’ parents because I have seen how the handle his nephew [name]Noah[/name], and I don’t really like it. He doesn’t go to bed until like 10pm and wakes up at noon, he also has NO nap time, making him cranky in the afternoon. I don’t want our kid developing bad habits like that. Plus I am just overprotective in general. I worry about my kitties a lot when they are left alone.
@tinabina
Yeah, I am the oldest too, which makes the problem worse, because my mom would go crazy as soon as she found out and it would just be over-bearing since our relationship isn’t great. My younger sister already claims she will never have kids, which adds on to them both counting on me to give them grandchildren. I think my sister might change her mind though… I used to not want kids at all either, but as soon as I got out of my awful house, I started seeing good things
I am hoping to be a stay at home mom for a minimum of until he/she’s in school. Thats wonderful, to have your finances ready! I know me and my bf could make it without financial assistance from the family, but it’d be easier with. But who knows, we’re planning on waiting another year before really trying for one.
No idea if thats correct, but quite a few sites seemed to say yes to it! I know its silly, but I’ve also been following the chinese gender charts, maybe good luck? Who knows! I so hope these methods can work for you!