I took my little brother swimming when he was 2 or 3. I had to hold him because he couldn’t actually swim yet, so I told him that if I dropped him, or if he fell in, he should close his eyes and hold his breath. After carefully instructing him, I asked him, “so what are you going to do if I drop you right now?” to which he matter-of-factly replied, “sink.”
When I was little, I used to think the houses with ‘to let’ signs outside actually said ‘toilet’ and were people who were really kind and would let strangers use their toilet if they were bursting. Needless to say, I could never work out why when we were out and I needed to go we would never actually use one.
I love the piglet story, oliviasarah!
When my brother was little, my mom was dressing him for church one [name]Sunday[/name] morning. It must have been a special [name]Sunday[/name], because she put a tie on him for the first time. Wagging his finger at my mother, he said: “Oh good! Now I can go up to the front and talk, talk, talk, talk, talk!” He wanted to preach the sermon!
Last summer, when I was 8 or so months pregnant, I at a neighbours house to say hello. Her 4 year old son said: “You’re fat!” His mother tried to explain that that was rude and that I wasn’t fat, there was a baby in there. To which he replied cheerfully “[name]Baby[/name] fat!” Lol!
I’m pregnant and my pre-school class knows, one of my little boys looks at me and says “Are you naming the baby Fluffy?” He was so serious about it I nearly died!
My daughter says some very amusing things. I even made a blog about it:
My mother told me this story about when I was about 3 y.o. and we had been out for a walk and I must have been getting tired and I said to my mother, " My little legs are getting all puffed out".(puffed out meaning tired).
rollo
Aw, [name]Sheila[/name], your blog is adorable!
What a wonderful idea to diary our children’s sayings. I suggest we then have it bound for them when they are older as a keepsake.
rollo
(In the context of discussing homework set by her French tutor)
Me: Where do croissants come from [name]Georgia[/name]?
G: Sainsburys
Me: Where do Sainburys get the croissants from?
G: Ummmm, the [name]Queen[/name]?
I work in a school and often hear hilarious things children here are a few things I’ve heard.
Teacher telling the children what to write in their Mother’s day cards, explaining to them to say how much you appreciate her etc
D- “Miss, is it ok if I write…To Mammy, thanks for giving birth to me. Lots of love D”
After a lesson on seed dispersal
Boy #1- “We were all seeds once upon a time, except we lived in our mother’s belly.”
Boy #2- “No we weren’t, we were never that small!”
Boy #1- “Yes we were, we just grew and then exploded into a baby.”
Boy-"Miss, you look like [name]Truly[/name] Scrumptious from Chitty Chitty bang bang.
This one is actually from my niece, and we were watching Monsters Inc. And the the scene where Boo gets scared of monsters comes on.
[name]Isabelle[/name]- “[name]Don[/name]'t worry Aunty [name]Beth[/name], it’s ok. Monsters aren’t real, don’t be sad.” Comes over to give me a hug
Oh that’s so cute, [name]Bethan[/name]! I also like that seed story.
My boyfriend’s parent are visiting this weekend, and today we’re lucky enough to have his three brothers, sisters-in-law and a whole bunch of little nephews visiting (I’m having a break in bed, they’re all very noisy!). My adorable four year old nephew [name]Reuben[/name] runs right to me and puts his hands straight at my breasts and says “Auntie Bubbles, your boobies are really big! (giggles) You’re getting FAT! But only your tummy, the rest of you look nice. MUMMY! AUNTIE BUBBLES NEED YOU FATTY CLOTHES!”
[name]One[/name] of my other nephews, who’s three, came and put his head to my belly and said “Hello little baby, when you come out Auntie Bubbles will give your chocolate cookies and juice, she’s the best auntie in the world. But she’ll be your mummy, but she will still love me very much. And when you get older you can play with my truck.”
That story is so cute, [name]Ottilie[/name]!
My daughter doesn’t talk much, as she’s only 18 months old but we were in town shopping a few weeks ago and we walked past some stores and she starts shouting ‘Jews! Jews!’ At this point everyone was staring and I was so embarrassed, but then I noticed that she was pointing at a jewellery store.
I work at a daycare, so everyday I find myself laughing at what these kids are saying!
[name]One[/name] of my all time favorites happened when two and a half year old [name]Sage[/name] was standing in a hula hoop. I walked up to her and asked “What do you have there, [name]Sage[/name]?” looking down at the hula hoop in what seemed slight shock and amazement, [name]Sage[/name] shook her head and said “I don’t know…but I’m inside of it!”
My little brother was also quite the card when he was a kid (19 years old and he still is!)
He was two or three and my mom, dad and I took him to the doctor’s for a routine check up.
At the start of the appointment, a very attractive, young nurse walks in and my darling brother shouts “HELLOOOO NURSE!” and attempts to whistle.
I think my dad is still proud 
When my cousin was about two or three, he loved the VeggieTales movie [name]Jonah[/name]. In one part of the movie, one of the characters aboard a ship looks through a telescope, sees something major happen in the distance, and shouts, “THERE SHE BLOWS!” Around Christmastime that year, my aunt and uncle couldn’t figure out why my little cousin was suddenly referring to the empty wrapping paper rolls as “there-she-blowzers” until he picked one up one day, held it to his eye like a telescope, and shouted, “THERE SHE BLOWS!” just like in the movie. From then on the family gave him all their extra there-she-blowzers to play with. 
Another conversation that my sister recently had with one of the elementary students where she works:
My sister: “I [name]LOVE[/name] ice cream! What is your favorite dessert?”
Elementary girl: “My favorite dessert is banana splits.”
My sister: “Oh yeah? You know, I’ve never had one of those. What exactly is in it–is it just a banana with ice cream?”
Elementary girl: “Well I don’t know. I’ve never had one either. But I want to.”
This is hilarious!!!
Lol, these are all so great. I love this thread, kids really do crack you up. When we were getting ready for bed one night…
Me: “Ok [name]Dom[/name], it’s time to brush your teeth.”
[name]Dom[/name]: “Mommy are we gonna brush those cactus monsters out?”
Me: “You mean the cavity monsters?”
[name]Dom[/name]: “Oh right. They are super naughty just like a cactus.”
And another that isn’t funny but I thought my heart was going to melt with sweetness the other night when he watched [name]Cinderella[/name] for the first time. She was at the ball dancing with the prince when he turns to me and says…
[name]Dom[/name]: “Mom look at this, they are friends. No wait they are Best friends!”
Me: “Yes, that’s true, they are friends.”
[name]Dom[/name]: “No WAIT! Mommy, they [name]LOVE[/name] each other. With smiley faces and everything.”
Super adorable. They were friends who smiled because they loved each other… I had to blink away a tear or two at that, haha.
That one made me chuckle!
[name]Sailor[/name], my son, doesn’t really say anything funny yet - he’s only 1.5 but he does pronounce things wrong sometimes, which makes me laugh. I have a baby cousin called [name]Jasper[/name] and he calls him Jazzle… It’s cute and it’s turned into a nickname of Jaspers! haha
For [name]Christmas[/name] this year, my dad went through the blog, picked out his favorites, and put them in a large multi-photo frame, paired with pictures of [name]Grace[/name] from that year. He gave it to my husband, and I can tell you, his eyes weren’t dry for an hour.
I had another funny quote today I had to mention it on here.
Boy 1: This is my BFF.
Boy 2: Yes, I am ******'S best freckled friend.
It made me laugh more than I probably should have.
My mom reminded me today that when I was three and we were
coming home late one night I pointed up at the moon and said:
“Loo ma, da moon mooning!”