Tell me about your large age gaps between children! I’m thinking about trying to conceive again at age 36 which means that even if we got pregnant right away, Sequoia would be 7 and a half when #2 is born.
What have your experiences been?
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[name_f]My[/name_f] SO was 7 when his brother was born. He says they still got a ton of typical sibling situations, both of the “partners in crime” kind and of the “getting out a scale to make sure the chocolate is shared fairly” kind. In fact he got upset when I implied their dynamic might not be the typical sibling relationship due to the age gap!
Well any age different can be really great or really difficult. Sometimes babies come when planned, sometimes they don’t, and sometimes they can be a total surprise. I think, if you encourage a positive attitude, any age difference will work. [name_f]My[/name_f] girls were each born 2 years apart. first son when youngest girl was 8. We wanted one about two years later, but I had several miscarriages. [name_f]My[/name_f] youngest was born when son no 1 was 9 and 1/2. He was a total surprise. I loved and enjoyed all of my babies, but I was much more relaxed with the later ones due to experience.
So, speaking from the experience of being nine years younger than my brother, I wouldn’t change a thing. I adore my brother and he adores me. We’ve always been super close, even now when he lives thousands of miles away. Of course, we had spats as we grew up - which siblings don’t? - but we always have each others backs, y’know? Us against the world. I think, because of the age gap, there will always be an element of me always being his ‘baby’ sister, but, equally so, because he was so much older than me, he always spoke to me on a more grown up level and I appreciated that.
I know how lucky I am to have a great relationship with my brother but I don’t know that an age gap plays into that too much. The reality is that some siblings get on and some do not but that’s just human nature.
Like I said, I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve never wished for another, closer in age, sibling, or a sister rather than a brother. The brother I’ve got is the only one I want or need.
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as someone who is six years older than her youngest sibling, i think it all depends on the people and the parenting and there’s no reason not to go for it. it’s just so so so important not to parentify your oldest child and remind them that they’re still a child, and that they aren’t responsible for their sibling. i became a “third parent” and honestly somewhat resent it.
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I’m 7 years younger than my brother (7 years, 4 months if we’re being exact).
We’ve always been polar opposites of each other. I don’t think that would have changed with a closer age gap. He moved into our basement when I was 8 (and moved out when I was 10) and has felt more like a cousin. [name_f]My[/name_f] mom has told me that he showed very little interest in me when we were kids. I remember annoying him just for him to pay attention to me lol
In my early/mid 20s we briefly got along pretty well. I even lived with him, his wife, and their kids. That was a really nice time. I moved out amicably. But things have gone downhill for our relationship and I actively avoid him at all costs now. Again, I don’t think this has anything to do with our age gap. We’re just polar opposites.
As for other experiences, my brother’s oldest child is 6 years from the middle. She was treated as another parent, given a lot of responsibility. She’s 13 now and hella resentful. She’s never been allowed to do what she wants if it interferes with taking care of her younger siblings.
So I guess my advice is to prioritize letting the oldest be a kid. Of course we all want children to learn responsibilities, but everything needs to be in moderation.
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[name_f]My[/name_f] cousins are 7 years apart and have a great relationship. Growing up they were (and still are) very close, so much so that one moved to a different part of the country and the other followed. They and their families hang out together regularly.
I think the biggest thing to keep in mind with siblings with a large age gap is to not parentify the older sibling. Their role is sibling, not additional caretaker. In some ways, things will be easier, because your older child is more self-sufficient. In some, it will be harder because your older child is used to not having to share your attention. There are pros and cons to every age gap.
Not a parent either but the oldest sibling of 5 girls!
[name_f]My[/name_f] younger sisters are 16, 12, 8, and 1
Personally I loved the bigger age gaps, i didn’t get along very well with the oldest one so having a 7 year age gap between Rosie(12) and I was great!
[name_f]My[/name_f] youngest two also have a 7 year age gap and it’s honestly been amazing, she’s such a good big sister and she takes good care of our little Loulou(1).
We’ve been able to go on tons of outings and still have loads of fun so i’d say go for it!!
Sibling story here!
So I’m 27 (22 February) and my sister is 25 (on 1st July) but my brother is turning 18 in [name_u]September[/name_u] so he’s 9 1/2 years younger than me which is a relatively big age gap. Having a baby brother was fun I had a major part in his upbringing was kinda a second mother and helped with raising him he is definitely the reason as to why I wanted to be a mum myself. As he grew older (teenager) he drove me crazy like any other sibling and now as he’s an older teen I’ve had my own child we’re still super close. Honestly wouldn’t allow a big age gap to put you off having another one! I think with me there will be at least 5 years before [name_f]Lilia[/name_f] (my daughter) has a sibling I need to recover from being poorly and give myself some time before being pregnant so I wouldn’t worry I’m not worrying about a potentially big age gap. Good luck with it all
I have a 20 year age gap between myself and my youngest sibling. The relationship is more like an uncle-niece thing, due to the age gap and the fact that we have never lived together (I left home for college at 18) but we’re close as can be expected and I adore her.
I also have a close friend who has a sister 8 years younger, and while they weren’t as close growing up (in that particular situation, friend was kind of forced to be a parent figure) they’re quite close now and it all worked out wonderfully 
I don’t have any experience of this other than if we are lucky with a third then my eldest will be 7 so a biggish age gap too. [name_f]My[/name_f] youngest will be closer to 5.
Personally I don’t think it is particularly problematic. At least your eldest will respect the fact that a babys needs are quite high.
Not here to add anything apart from to say I’ve enjoyed reading all this as my son is nearly 6 and if it’s even going to be possible for me to try for a second it wouldn’t be until next year. This has given me hope it could work out ok!
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[name_f]My[/name_f] oldest sister was 7 years older than myself. And while growing up we weren’t super close but we didn’t have any problems,we were just at different stages in life. Then around the time I hit high school/college we started hanging out more and now we have a great relationship. I don’t think age gap is a deterrent to a good sibling relationship
Not my children but me. I was 6 when my brother was born. I was your typical spoiled only child diva who didn’t want a sibling. At first, it was okay but when he was brought home it was really hard on me. I’m, not the type to talk about my feelings. Since with a newborn, all the attention goes to them. So I started acting out. I was then labeled the bad kid. Anyway, it is really hard not only on the kids but with the parents. However, think movie night what is something everyone will enjoy and watch or vacations or family activities. If you think you could do it go for it. But talk it over with your kid and partner.
Me and my sister are just over 5 years apart but we get along really well. Sometimes it’s tricky because we have different interests that is age related and sometimes she wanted to play mummy’s and babies and I wanted to play video games but we very rarely argue. Plus I like being able to remember her growing up
[name_f]My[/name_f] kids are 8, 6 and 9 months and when I was pregnant with my youngest I was worried about the age gap but now that the baby’s here, things have been surprisingly…fine. LOL. I’m actually finding it a lot easier to have two older kids and a baby then when I had a toddler and a baby. For one, the older two can understand things like being quiet when the baby’s taking a nap and they’re old enough to play safely independently, so I’m not constantly having to monitor all three. Both of my older two love playing with their baby sister and my eight year old’s old enough that she can watch the baby for a few minutes while I run to the bathroom or make lunch. I’m sure once the baby’s older and starts getting into their stuff and pestering them they’ll be fights and complaining but that happens with all siblings, no matter the age difference.
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[name_f]My[/name_f] brother is 21 years older than me- 
Its not really that much of a problem because (obviously) we don’t live together, but it’s made it very difficult to establish a good relationship. I’ve had moderate success with my absolute best efforts.
[name_f]My[/name_f] baby sister and I actually have a 23 year age gap and live across country from each other, so I totally get that. We really have no relationship.
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