Last minute changes and a strange middle for a girl...

In a nutshell…

My older daughter has two middle names, the latter one being my mother’s name.

I’m currently 38 weeks pregnant with my second (and last) child, another girl.

My husband and I had finally agreed on her full name, which also includes two middles; the latter of which was to be his mum’s middle name (I am not fond of the name itself, nor of his mother, but was prepared to suck it up.)

Last week, however, something happened which has totally turned me off paying tribute to this woman (it was the straw that broke the camel’s back, really.) I no longer feel comfortable using the name.

I still want two middles, and would like for the second to have familial significance. Here’s where my question comes in.

Would it be totally horrific to use my father’s name in this spot? She’s is very likely to be his last grandchild; my only sibling has two older sons (11 and 21) with two middle names each, none of which pay tribute to my dad.

Dad’s name is [name_u]Murray[/name_u], which is clearly neither especially appealing nor a female name. However, it does sound like a surname, and it’s not unheard of for girls to be given their mother’s surname as a middle.

Also, it begins with M, which fits with the initials we had planned ([name_f]MiL[/name_f]'s middle begins with M, too) so that wouldn’t change. My older daughter’s initials spell something sweet, and I struggled to find an okay configuration for this baby’s names.

Phew! Sorry if that was awkwardly explained.

*In case anyone were to suggest using a form of my dad’s own middle name, it’s [name_m]Henry[/name_m]. Not much better, and [name_f]Henrietta[/name_f] ain’t my bag.

Well can you tell us the names so we know how they sound? If not, I say go with your gut! [name_u]Murray[/name_u] would be fine as a middle name for a girl:) (besides, it rhymes with Surrey/suri, which is a cute girls’ name).

The other names are [name_f]Phoebe[/name_f] [name_f]Iris[/name_f], and the surname begins with S (it’s my husband’s last name, which I didn’t adopt when we married; this is another reason why I feel entitled to have my family’s link within the name.)

I think [name_u]Murray[/name_u] is fine in the middle spot, especially since it’s a family name.

[name_f]Phoebe[/name_f] [name_f]Iris[/name_f] [name_u]Murray[/name_u] sounds great! Go for it!

[name_f]Phoebe[/name_f] [name_f]Iris[/name_f] [name_u]Murray[/name_u] is really sweet!

I say go for it. Masculine middle names sound great. [name_f]Phoebe[/name_f] [name_f]Iris[/name_f] [name_u]Murray[/name_u] is a beautiful name.

[name_u]Murray[/name_u] is very unattractive for a girl. I’d look at your husband’s grandmothers’ names for an option from his family.

I think it’s important to check with your husband - he may want to honour his parents and it’s not really fair to honour both of yours and neither of his. Maybe you could find a way to honour his Dad and your dad? If you’re not ok honouring his Mom, could you consider his father or maybe his brother/sister/aunt/grandparent - just someone from his side?

[name_u]Murray[/name_u] - while it’s not my cup of tea on a girl, as a second MN and an honouring, it’s totally ok. [name_m]Just[/name_m] another idea - [name_f]Mary[/name_f] uses letters from [name_u]Murray[/name_u] and sounds very similar - do you prefer [name_f]Mary[/name_f] to [name_u]Murray[/name_u]? PP said something about your daughter being named [name_f]Phoebe[/name_f] [name_f]Iris[/name_f] [name_u]Murray[/name_u] - I think [name_f]Phoebe[/name_f] [name_f]Iris[/name_f] [name_f]Mary[/name_f] sounds just as wonderful!

[name_f]Pheobe[/name_f] [name_f]Iris[/name_f] [name_u]Murray[/name_u] is darling. [name_u]Murray[/name_u] as a second middle is totally fine. I agree with you - the kids have your husband’s family name, so i like that you add a piece of your family history in there as well - it’s important!

Does your husband’s grandmothers’ names appeal? I think it’s nice for your daughters to have both sides of their family represented.

I am so intrigued to know your mother in law’s name. Does your husband also agree that he does not wish for his mother to be honoured? I love the name [name_u]Murray[/name_u] and think it would work as a middle. FYI my middle name is actually [name_m]Jon[/name_m] named after my maternal grandfather, I just go by a pseudonym here for fun, I love my very different middle name. My Mum thought that [name_m]Jon[/name_m] looked more feminine than [name_m]John[/name_m] for some reason perhaps you may find Murrie the same? [name_m]Just[/name_m] a suggestion. Also I have heard of Henriella before as a feminine form of [name_m]Henry[/name_m], which you may like more than [name_f]Henrietta[/name_f].

I think that [name_u]Murray[/name_u] would be a wonderful choice. Also: you said [name_f]Henrietta[/name_f] isn’t your cup of tea, but what about [name_f]Harriet[/name_f]?

To the commenters who feel that my husband’s family would not be adequately represented if we did indeed go with [name_u]Murray[/name_u]… both my daughters will have his flipping SURNAME, which has nothing to do with me or my family, and everything to do with his! Their last name will be used much more frequently in life than a (second) middle name, for heaven’s sake!

[name_f]MiL[/name_f]'s middle name is [name_f]Margaret[/name_f], which I’ve never liked and like even less now. His grandmother’s name was [name_f]Elaine[/name_f], which leaves daughter #2 with with the initials PIES (my first girl’s initials spell JOYS.)

bonnie_jo : My husband’s mother called my 23 month old daughter a “bitch” last week, apropos of nothing, while we were all out for dinner. So I’m not really concerned if he wants to use her name at this point; it isn’t happening.

[name_u]Murray[/name_u]'s fine. Also, what about [name_f]Harriet[/name_f] instead of [name_f]Henrietta[/name_f]?

I’m so sorry your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] is such a nasty person. That’s got to be really difficult to deal w/ (I can relate, as my stepmother can also be nasty at the flip of a switch). I hope you don’t have to see her often.

W/regard to [name_u]Murray[/name_u], my [name_m]SIL[/name_m]'s name is [name_f]Mary[/name_f], but when she was in her teens & twenties, she went by Murri (pronounced like [name_u]Murray[/name_u]). I don’t know if you like this spelling option or not, but I thought I’d toss it out there.

[name_f]Phoebe[/name_f] & [name_f]Iris[/name_f] are two of my favorite names! :slight_smile:

Oohhh that is a hard one. If you dont feel likehonouring your mother in law I think that is totally fine, but dependant on the situation how does your husband feel about you now using your dads name instead? Or is that not relevant to your question? I am personally not a fan of using murray but understand the sentiment. Is there a chamce of using another family name, such as your grandmothers name etc?

Wow just read previous comments and what mil did. Ummm so yes she obviously has no say and I am sure your husband agrees with you. Far out I feel sorry for you! I still dont love murray but it does work as a combo. I would still be interested to know what your gramdmothers name on your father’s side is

I think [name_f]Pheobe[/name_f] [name_f]Iris[/name_f] [name_u]Murray[/name_u] is fine, but in reference to the last sentence on your post about [name_m]Henry[/name_m]/[name_f]Henrietta[/name_f] have you considered [name_f]Harriet[/name_f] as an alternative?

[name_f]Phoebe[/name_f] [name_f]Iris[/name_f] [name_f]Harriet[/name_f] is lovely and definitely all girl (if you’re worried about [name_u]Murray[/name_u] being too unisex).