My husband and I are not expecting yet, but we plan to start a family next year. We’re still trying to figure out our naming style for first and middle names, but our last name is concerning me more than anything.
My husband’s last name is Smith. I hyphenated his name with my maiden name; my last name is a fairly uncommon two-syllable Eastern European name that most people in the States don’t know how to pronounce, but I love it, and it flows well with Smith (both names have that short ‘i’ sound). The most common comment I get about my name when people hear it spoken aloud is that it sounds very ‘posh’, ‘proper’, or ‘academic’ (it sounds like a name a literature professor or a Bridgerton character might have, but it sure as heck doesn’t look like one).
That all being said, my husband and I cannot for the life of us decide whether our kids should get the hyphenated name or just Smith. On the one hand, the hyphenated name is distinct and interesting. No one else is going to have that name, and there’s tons of research to suggest that kids with last names that are higher up in the alphabet tend to do better in school (my last name starts with a ‘C,’ which is significantly higher up in the alphabet than Smith). I also am the only one in my family with this last name; there are no boys on my side of the family who have it, so passing on the name is important to me.
On the other hand, the hyphenated name often stumps American audiences when it comes to pronunciation. It’s not difficult to say once people know how to say it, but getting past that initial jumble of consonants in Eastern European names is challenging for non-Eastern European audiences. There’s also tons of research to suggest that kids with super foreign-sounding last names don’t do well in the American job market as adults (hello, xenophobia).
I don’t want to ‘dumb down’ my name to pander to other people/potential employers, but I also don’t want to stick my kid(s) with a name they might hate constantly having to explain. Help!
Have you had any problems with the hyphenated last name? If not, I think it will be fine for a child too. The xenophobia thing is definitely a real concern, but maybe that won’t happen since you say people think it sounds very smart/academic?
So, I’m finding as a married adult that most people will just ask if they can call me Mrs. [name_m]Smith[/name_m], which is mildly annoying but not a huge pet peeve. It usually takes a few tries for people to remember how to pronounce it, but once they have it, they have it. It’s only two syllables, which is much easier than most Eastern European last names like ‘Andrejevic’ or ‘Kowalczyk’ (for reference, my name is VERY similar to Kowalczyk - it has that same ‘Cz’ thing that trips people up).
I’d give them the hyphenated surname so they have ties to their culture and to make them distinct from the many other Smiths. They could also just use [name_m]Smith[/name_m] if it became a problem
[name_m]Ah[/name_m]. It seems to me like you should go for it! I agree with @Greyblue, a unique name gives you a strong sense of identity & helps you relate to your culture. And going only by [name_m]Smith[/name_m] is always an option too.
[name_f]My[/name_f] parents faced a similar decision, and they wound up just going with my dad’s last name, and my mom has her last name hyphenated. As I kid and even now I wish my last name had been hyphenated to. Right now my moms maiden name is in the second middle name spot, so I never get to use it, and I wish I could use it more easily.
I vote for hyphenating, I think your future kids will love having that connection to both sides of the family!
I would go for the hyphenated surname. I always defend that all the children should have both parents last names. It creates a beautiful connection to both sides of the family. At the same time, you will create a more distinguished combination of names. In the future, it is very likely that your kids will not meet anyone else with the same surname/combination of surnames and full name if you pick the hyphenated name, which I see as a very positive aspect.
If they want, they may decide to use just [name_m]Smith[/name_m] or your husband’s surname in the future, but it gives them more options to choose from.
While I don’t usually like hyphenated last names, since yours is already hyphenated, I’d say give both last names to the kids. That way you and your kids will share the same last name.
Where my husband is from, everyone has one last name from their father and one from their mother. (Or some cases both of mother’s last names). The women generally don’t change their last names, although they could add their husband’s last name on at the end. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband has two last names, but when our first daughter was born, I only gave her his first last name (similar to Espinoza). I had a very common last name and wanted to get rid of it as soon as we got married. I didn’t like the sound of Espinoza [name_m]Brown[/name_m], and since I was going to change my last name to Espinoza anyways, we just used Espinoza for our kids.
We sometimes run into problems with my husband having two last names in the US. People usually take one off, like he had a prescription written out with just the second last name. [name_u]Or[/name_u] on an online form, it didn’t let me add his second last name. Honestly with schooling though it shouldn’t be an issue. [name_m]Just[/name_m] let the teachers know if you want them to learn to spell both last names, or start with just [name_m]Smith[/name_m]. A majority of the kids I work with at the school have two last names, it’s no big deal for me.
[name_m]Smith[/name_m] is so common that a hyphenated name with it is no big deal. But I can definitely see the appeal of no hyphen for simplicity. Another option is to use your last name as a middle name or even as a first name if it could work as a first. I would definitely include your last name somewhere since it sounds like a lovely name with personal significance that Im sure your child will appreciate too.
As a person with a very uncommon, Eastern-European last name, I’d say go with [name_m]Smith[/name_m]! I totally
understand the want to pass your surname down though. Would you consider making your surname the child’s middle name, or one of their middle names? A good friend of mine is named that way and she loves it!
