I’m due in less than 5 weeks and I can’t find any names my husband likes for our first baby besides [name_m]Roderick[/name_m].
I’ve read him probably 250 names no exaggeration, and he didn’t like any of them. I have a list of 6 names at least including [name_m]Edward[/name_m], [name_m]Arthur[/name_m], [name_m]Oliver[/name_m], [name_m]Jasper[/name_m], [name_m]Henry[/name_m], and [name_m]Harald[/name_m], and [name_m]Harrison[/name_m] (last 3 are to get to the nickname [name_m]Harry[/name_m] - I want a formal name for him).
My husband is extremely stubborn. I can’t get him to even say he thinks another name is okay. It’s just [name_m]Roderick[/name_m]. I hate the nickname [name_m]Rod[/name_m] and I know everyone will call him that. He likes that it’s uncommon and [name_m]German[/name_m], so he says. His last name would suit it, its one syllable and rhymes with “chains”.
Any suggestions on how we can come up with a fair list to choose from? And any name suggestions?
I am sorry to hear you are having a tough time naming your little guy! I guess my only advice would be to have a conversation with your husband about the naming journey, but without bringing up actual names (yet). He needs to be clear on the fact that this process should include both of you. It sounds like you have tried to be very accommodating and inclusive. You have talked to him about over 250 names! Wow, that is awesome! But before overwhelming him with even more names, let him know that you are hoping (& needing) for him to be willing to work with you on this. He needs to see that your goal with the naming decision is to find a name that works for both of you. Maybe that will help him to stop focusing so much energy on defending Roderick. Maybe Roderick will end up being the right choice. I don’t know. But first, it is important to establish that this is a partnership, not a head to head competition. Keep being patient, and do not give up on communication!
I hope that is helpful, and not too harsh!
Now, for suggestions ~
What about Roderick nn Rory? May not be the most intuitive, but could be a nice compromise, giving you a nickname similar to Harry!
Henrik
Hendrik
Merrick
Frederick
Cedric
Dominic
Ronan
Rupert
Duncan
Raymond
Peregrine
Rudy
Roland
Conrad
Edmund
Fergus
Dougal
Reynard
Cormac
Remus
Fitzroy
I agree with the previous poster. You need to sit him down and explain to him how you feel. Agree that you shouldn’t bring up names in this conversation but maybe you can try to tell him that you tried to accommodate him for your own list of names but he has not and you would appreciate it if he did. Also possibly mention that you would never choose a name he didn’t like for your son and you’d liked to be extended the same courtesy. Decisions such as this is a two-way street and he needs to make an effort with you.
[name_m]Roderick[/name_m] can also be called [name_m]Erick[/name_m] and [name_m]Derick[/name_m]. What does he have against names that will lead to the nickname [name_m]Harry[/name_m]?
Thanks for the suggestions! I like [name_m]Frederick[/name_m] and [name_m]Alaric[/name_m].
He said he thinks [name_m]Henry[/name_m] is too common, [name_m]Harald[/name_m] is ugly sounding, and [name_m]Harrison[/name_m] reminds him of [name_m]Harrison[/name_m] [name_m]Ford[/name_m] and he doesn’t like that. I’m so discouraged!
I second [name_m]Frederick[/name_m]!Does the nn [name_u]Freddie[/name_u] appeal to you? Because [name_m]Frederick[/name_m] could then serve as a nice compromise:) - similar sounding to [name_m]Roderick[/name_m], but a nickname that you prefer. Some more ideas…most are [name_m]German[/name_m].
[name_m]Axel[/name_m] - nn [name_m]Ax[/name_m]
[name_m]Conrad[/name_m] - nn [name_f]Conny[/name_f]
[name_m]Leonard[/name_m] - fun nn [name_m]Leo[/name_m]!
[name_m]Kaiser[/name_m]- nn [name_u]Kai[/name_u]
[name_m]Roland[/name_m] - alternative to [name_m]Roderick[/name_m]? You could also consider [name_u]Rowan[/name_u] or [name_m]Rowley[/name_m]
[name_u]Arlo[/name_u]
[name_m]Vincent[/name_m] - not [name_m]German[/name_m], but it’s the first name that came to mind for an alternative to [name_m]Roderick[/name_m]…[name_u]Vinny[/name_u] makes such a cute nn too!
Other alternatives to [name_m]Roderick[/name_m] could be [name_m]Audrick[/name_m] (variation of [name_m]Eric[/name_m]), [name_m]Broderick[/name_m] (nn [name_m]Brody[/name_m]), [name_m]Derek[/name_m], [name_m]Patrick[/name_m], [name_m]Hendrick[/name_m] (nn [name_m]Harry[/name_m]!:)) and [name_m]Maverick[/name_m] (nn Mav).
Other nicknames for [name_m]Roderick[/name_m] could be [name_m]Rick[/name_m], [name_u]Ricky[/name_u], or [name_m]Rico[/name_m].
There’s also [name_m]Broderick[/name_m] (not sure if the B helps much) or the Spanish version [name_m]Rodrigo[/name_m].
Perhaps he would like:
[name_m]Emmerich[/name_m]
[name_m]Kendrick[/name_m]
[name_m]Heinrich[/name_m]
[name_m]Hendrick[/name_m]
[name_m]Hendrix[/name_m]
(Any of the last 3 could help you get [name_m]Harry[/name_m] as a nickname)
I truly feel for u! My DH is very similar he chooses one name he liked the. Only suggests totally unusable name like Pinocchio and Ocho but in total seriousness to make his choice seem not that bad in comparison. But in the end after he sees me in pain in the hospital he comes around and looks at my list and I let him put one of his redic names in the middle. Good luck!
If you don’t like [name_m]Roderick[/name_m], definitely don’t use it just because it’s the only name your husband likes. That’s not a compromise, it’s him making the decision based on the one thing he likes. That isn’t fair to you. If you give a hard veto (and honestly, yes your son will get called “[name_m]Rod[/name_m]” and if you hate that you should veto the name), then you can both re-evaluate the names you’ve discussed before. Especially if the baby is growing inside of you, you’re doing a lot of the work here. The least he can do is listen to you with compassion and choose his favorites from a list you provide, OR come up with a substantial list himself.
I second the suggestion of [name_m]Raymond[/name_m]. It’s somewhat similar to [name_m]Roderick[/name_m] yet it feels more modern and has the fun and stylish nickname [name_u]Ray[/name_u].
It’s hard when your significant other doesn’t like hour favorite name, so first of all, tell him you understand that. But then reiterate, you don’t like it. Does he really want your son to have a name that even his mother doesn’t like? That’s not radical him and its not fair to you.
Explain to him your goal is not to find a name he likes more than [name_m]Roderick[/name_m]. His goal is not to find a name you like more than [name_m]Henry[/name_m] (for example). The goal is for both of you to find a name you both like and agree will suit your child well do every stage of his life.
Ask him how he thinks you should go about finding that name. Does he want each of you to make a list of 10 names and swap to get each other’s opinions? Does he want you to make a list of 20? Tell him you’re willing to keep doing most of the work finding a name. But only if he agrees to actually give these names a chance.
If a rational conversation doesn’t work I’d simply shrug and say “at the hospital I’ll be filling out the birth certificate. And his name isn’t [name_m]Roderick[/name_m]. So if you don’t want a say, that’s your decision.” It sounds harsh but he’s not exactly showing you any courtesy right now.
I think there have been some good suggestions already, and I’ll add my voice to them. It’s not your job to find a name your husband likes, and it’s not his job to veto and stonewall. The two of you are a partnership and need to come up with a name together. Of course you already know that and that’s why his behavior is so frustrating. And believe me when I say I know exactly what you’re going through!
I think the advice to have a conversation about how you’re feeling right now is important. The purpose of the first conversation is not to agree on a name, but to express how you both are feeling. As stubborn and frustrating as he is to you right now, he does get a say in what his child is named, so you get to listen to him as much as you need him to listen to you. I would advise against throwing down any ultimatums or refusing to allow him to participate if he doesn’t do it your way; that’s what he’s doing that’s so upsetting to you, so don’t make it worse.
In fact, the best way to have this conversation not turn into a fight is to listen to understand instead of listening to respond. That’s critical. You might even explain that concept to your husband before you begin, and ask for his participation. Each of you take a turn listening and asking questions to understand the other person’s point of view, without presenting anything of your own opinion. You can google ‘listen to understand covey’ to find more about how to do this; [name_m]Stephen[/name_m] R. Covey taught this as one of his 7 Habits of Highly Successful People.
As part of that conversation or in a separate conversation, you can decide how to approach finding a name for your baby. Maybe you’ll both come up with a list. Maybe you’ll both choose just one or two favorite names and talk about why you like them. Maybe you both come up with 5 names you really love, and 5 names you think your partner would love based on what you understood from your first conversation.
The point is to sidestep going head-to-head and instead come around to being on the same team and collaborating. It’s only the first of a bajillion things you’ll need to collaborate on as parents after the baby gets here.
So much sage advice above! If you hate [name_m]Roderick[/name_m], it’s off the table — end of. And the same goes for any of your loves that he really hates.
Perhaps if he’s really, truly clear that [name_m]Roderick[/name_m] is not in the running, he’ll be able to look beyond it and consider other names on their own merits. It sounds like at the moment he’s basically blinkered by his love for [name_m]Roderick[/name_m], and nothing else is matching up. But it doesn’t need to match up — it just needs to be a solid, serviceable name for this baby that you can both live with.
Funnily enough, my FIL would only suggest [name_m]Roderick[/name_m] for [name_m]BIL[/name_m]! [name_f]MIL[/name_f] hated it, and he ended up a [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] (her favourite) after a difficult birth. But he’s [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] R0derick @sher — so FIL sneaked it in there! Maybe a similar compromise could work for you?
Other suggestions:
Romaric (I’ve recently written a profile on this name)
[name_m]Magnus[/name_m]
[name_m]Conrad[/name_m]
[name_m]Calvin[/name_m]
[name_m]Otto[/name_m]
[name_m]Caspar[/name_m]
[name_m]Willem[/name_m]
[name_m]Edmund[/name_m]
[name_m]Rupert[/name_m]
[name_m]Erik[/name_m]
[name_m]Leopold[/name_m]
[name_m]Augustin[/name_m]
[name_m]Victor[/name_m]
[name_m]Peregrine[/name_m]
[name_m]Nikolai[/name_m]
[name_m]Samson[/name_m]
[name_m]Thaddeus[/name_m]
[name_m]Oscar[/name_m]
[name_m]Stellan[/name_m]
[name_u]Rex[/name_u]
