Let's talk about the double standard

NOTE: No, this is not a jilted name lover post. I am legitimately curious what people think, though I am mildly frustrated, as well. lol

Perhaps some of you can help me understand the existence of a double standard that seems to be rampant throughout naming forums.

Scene: I wanted opinions on another forum for the name [name_u]Tierney[/name_u]. Yes, I know it’s probably considered “trendy” around here and I don’t care. It’s not even my typical style, but there was just something about it that kind of struck a chord. The two most common responses I got were 1) sounds like tyranny (valid, though I never would have thought about that) and 2) too masculine.

Ok, this is where I get confused. Some names, like [name_u]Tierney[/name_u], are too masculine for a girl because they have masculine origins, yet [name_u]Sloane[/name_u] is fine despite the fact that its origins are very similar to [name_u]Tierney[/name_u]'s (I even had someone suggest [name_u]Sloane[/name_u] instead of [name_u]Tierney[/name_u]). [name_u]Meredith[/name_u] and [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] are fine for girls, and even more common for girls now, even though they were most commonly given to boys originally. Is it because [name_u]Tierney[/name_u] is trendy AND unisex that people think it’s worse than [name_u]Sloane[/name_u] or [name_u]Meredith[/name_u] or [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u]? What is it about some names that make them more valid as a name for one gender or another than other names, despite almost identical origins? I’m sure there are plenty of other double standards you all can think of, as well. So why do they exist and why are people so abrasive about them?

Discuss.

I think with names (and a lot of other things in life) it comes down to what we’re used to. [name_u]Sloane[/name_u], to many, might be more recognizable as a girls’ name because they’ve heard it before, read it often or the sound of it strikes them as feminine.

[name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] and [name_u]Meredith[/name_u], not sure how they became popular as girls’ names, maybe through a famous person or characters? That usually does the job of “converting” a boys’ name. The most recent example is [name_u]James[/name_u]; celebrities used it as middle or even first names for their daughters and suddenly [name_u]James[/name_u] is unisex to many.

Anyway, [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] and [name_u]Meredith[/name_u] are now not only seen as valid girls’ names but as almost exclusively girls’ names as that is what people are used to, what they are comfortable with. People aren’t aware of origins, they unconsciously judge things and based on that form an opinion.

I think this is a lot like my post about trendy names. “Too masculine” i find is often used for unisex names that users simply dislike for girls.

It’s kind of dependant on the name though I suppose. I’m not sure if trendiness would have a factor, but I think it’s all down to personal perspective in terms of too masculine vs too feminine.

I definitely agree with the others that it largely comes down to experience/what people are used to and personal perspective.

I’d also like to add that, personally, it is a bit hard to grapple with how trends change, at times. [name_u]James[/name_u] is a great example. As far as I’m aware, it has always been traditionally male. Then, in somewhat recent years, people started getting the itch to give it to their daughters. Fine, whatever. Then people demand it becomes acceptable as a unisex name. Alright, I guess. But then…you are labeled an ignorant a-hole if you dare even think that [name_u]James[/name_u] is and always will be better suited for boys…because, ya know, it is a boy name. (Then you get crap because you labeled a name as a “boy” name) So…I guess abrasiveness earns more abrasiveness.

[name_m]Just[/name_m] my perspective on that.

I was thinking about your “too trendy” post last night when I was thinking about this issue, as well. I honestly don’t understand the naming culture that has developed on forums. There’s part of me that thinks that people who frequent name boards see and analyze so many hundreds of names that they start to find issues with names that many other people never would. This seems to lead to an elitism where only some names are considered valid and some are not. It’s outside of these “elite” names that I feel many unisex names like [name_u]Tierney[/name_u] or “trendy” names like [name_u]Addison[/name_u], [name_f]Kaylee[/name_f], etc. fall. That’s I guess the biggest thing I don’t understand. What determines whether a name becomes one of the elite chosen? lol And who are these people to judge who’s names are worthy and whose are not? What happened to being polite and simply saying, “It’s just not my style?” Or if you do have a criticism, saying it kindly and adding phrases like, “Personally…” or “In my opinion…” Yes, we all know that these posts are people’s opinion, but adding phrases like that soften the negativity of people’s opinions.

Anyway, you personally do not have to answer all of those questions or respond to this if you don’t wish to. haha It’s just been something that’s been getting under my skin lately, even before your trendy post, but that certainly got me thinking more about it and noticing things more.

I can agree with this. I’m not sure experience is the only factor, but I agree it is definitely a factor. One thing I did notice on the other forum was that the people who knew someone personally with the name [name_u]Tierney[/name_u] (all girls with the name, interestingly enough, despite the overwhelming majority saying it’s “too masculine”) loved the name, thought it was unique and pretty, and remembered it after many years and after only having known a few, or even just one, with the name. It was all the people who had never encountered someone with the name that were hating on it.

I must admit I don’t understand the double standards either. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t get me wrong I’m not saying I haven’t said something harsh about a name, but I will always try to finish with (something along the lines of) if you love it go for it.
Because there is not a single name that everyone in the world will like, but that is good. I don’t understand why some people get so angry about it in the forums, often it feels like they are not listening to what the poster is asking.

Also there are names that aren’t my style (some unisex and place names fall into this bracket) and there are a few names that I just can’t stand (Apologies to all the [name_u]Eloise[/name_u] & [name_u]Sloane[/name_u] lovers, but I just don’t like them, even though I know a lovely little girl called [name_u]Eloise[/name_u]) however I would never go up to a parent and say why on earth did you call your child that! So why would I spew hatred on a forum, just because you can’t ‘see’ the person, they still have feelings!

On a side note I really like [name_u]Tierney[/name_u] (boy or girl) and I love your combo [name_u]Tierney[/name_u] [name_f]Grace[/name_f]!
Also [name_u]Haley[/name_u] if you like ‘trendy’ names, so what? As long as you and your SO love it that’s all that matters.

I hope I’ve made sense!

To be honest, for me I don’t really understand how some unisex names become more popular for one gender. Quite a lot of the time I see unisex names on one gender and just can’t imagine it on the other. But it tends to go on a case by case basis. It depends on who I might associate the name with, the image I get from it, or even the sound. And I can’t guarantee of course, but it’s probably the same for a lot of people (especially in terms of associations).

Names like [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] and [name_u]Meredith[/name_u] I’ve only ever really heard on girls, so that’s the gender I imagine if I think about the names. Yes, they used to be predominantly masculine, but I’ve mostly been exposed to female ones. It’s possible I’d get used to any name on the opposite gender than the one I lean towards, if I heard it on a real person or even a TV or film character; I like to be able to build an image of a name and that helps. I have watched something where a male [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] made a brief appearance, and it wasn’t that weird, it was even said [name_f]Eve[/name_f]-lynn, which to me is more feminine sounding than Ev-uh-lynn.

I would say [name_u]Tierney[/name_u] is masculine, because it sounds like a boys name to me, that’s it. It also reminds me of [name_u]Tiernan[/name_u], which might have something to do with it, but that’s just my first thought. [name_u]Sloane[/name_u] reminds me of [name_u]Simone[/name_u], so I more think girl, although I also think of Stallone (as in [name_m]Sylvester[/name_m]), so it’s a little masculine too. I also tend to find unisex names, particularly surnames, more masculine than feminine, just going off sound. So [name_u]Avery[/name_u], [name_u]Marlow/name_u/[name_f]Harlow[/name_f], and [name_u]Kennedy[/name_u] for example, although popular as girls names (in the US at least) I hear them and think boy, boy, boy. Maybe if I’d met a girl with one of those names years ago, before I started thinking about names, I’d have a different view, but as clean slates, where I don’t associate them with anyone (as firsts) my first thought is boy.

And I don’t know about everyone else, but whatever gender I prefer a name to be, I do get very protective over it. So [name_u]Phoenix[/name_u] for example, as a child I decided was a boys’ name, without even connecting it with anything except the mythological bird. Then I found out it’s used as a girls’ name (and even represents femininity in some cultures) which really shocked me, and if anything I just became more fiercely attached to it as a boys’ name. So I think everyone gets at least a little defensive if they strongly connect a name with a certain gender, whether the majority agrees or not, and it usually comes down to associations and personal experiences.