LGBTQ+ Representation on Nameberry

I’ve been on this site for about 3 years, and in my time here I’ve noticed that the LGBTQ+ representation is, at best, poor. I understand that most people who are active members of this website are cisgender, heterosexual women, but I still believe it is important for Nameberry to become more inclusive. I know that the purpose of this site is too discuss names, and not necessarily to discuss other issues, but I’ve noticed that many threads posted on the “[name_u]Baby[/name_u] Name Games” forum are extremely heteronormative. As a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I would like to see not only more inclusion, but also less division between the male and female gender and less of the idea that everything is either male or female. I apologize if I was a bit too preachy in my previous statements, and/or I failed to be as politically correct as possible. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I wish you all the best.

  • [name_u]Alexis[/name_u]

You’d be surprised at how many of us here are not heterosexual, and a few (small few) are transgender. There are also a handful of homosexual BNG’s and I usually alter my own BNG’s to be DW/DW or DH/DH. Also, there are quite a load of LGBTQ+ threads on parts of Nameberry not related to names.

I agree with you completely as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, although I do believe there are more of us than we know. There’s a high possibility that there are many people who simply don’t talk about their gender/sexuality or maybe there are a few who aren’t out yet.

@eoxima - Most of the transgender people who have posted on here have done so because they wanted help on selecting a new name to go with their gender transition (although a few may be long-term contributors).

I agree. I’m not the type of person to want representation for everything in everything, but this is naming website, which has a direct connection to parents. Parents aren’t always a mom and a dad, and I think that should be recognized slightly more often, especially on a website that allows parents to speak about naming their children. Including more members of the LGBT+ won’t hurt anybody, so why not?

I completely agree! I represent the G and T of LGBT+ so I know exactly where you’re coming from. And I’m glad that you pointed out the strict gendering of everything that goes on here, as that’s an issue not many people (if any?) have brought up on the forums. As a nonbinary trans person I’m quite uncomfortable sometimes when people act horrified by “gender bending” names because, well, why assume that everyone fits into a neat gender box? It’s somewhat alienating.

@handlion Exactly! Names don’t technically have genders, simply genders that they are popularly used on. There are people of non-binary genders that need a name that can work on either sex (i.e. [name_u]Jordan[/name_u], [name_u]Avery[/name_u], [name_u]Monroe[/name_u], etc). Though they may not mean it, people who think that names should have strict genders are indirectly excluding these people.

just wanted to say that I am a queer (cis) woman and it is brave of you to make this post! I agree representation is important and hopefully if / when I have my own littles, I would want to feel comfortable posting about my partner on here just like anyone else=)

I want to amen this post! As a queer woman in an open relationship, I’ve struggled mightily with the heteronormative, gender-binarist, and monogamist tendencies on the site. I’m really grateful to you for getting this thread started, and I’m looking forward to some more visibility on Nameberry for those of us who don’t fit in to the tidy, tiny categories that gets most of the representation here, and, well everywhere.

Would love to see a little more open-mindedness in the forums absolutely!!! Definitely find the heteronormativity of the BNGs cringeworthy. Also the constant arguing over whether a name is a boy name or a girl name really affects me as I find it extremely restrictive and oppressive to enforce binary categorisation with such obstinance, especially when people get so aggressive and defensive about it!

[name_m]Just[/name_m] chiming in on the unisex names issue. Many people with unisex names get frustrated at being confused for the opposite gender, especially when it skews more towards the gender they are not (e.g. a male [name_u]Harper[/name_u]). My name is clearly feminine but from reading about others’ experiences on Nameberry this can lead to practical issues such as girls being put in boys’ gym classes or dorms. One member had an awful experience with a mostly masculine name to the point that she changed it to a feminine one, and plans to give her children clearly gender-specific names as a result.

That being said, I understand why this is an issue for those who do not identify as their physical gender or any gender at all. Gender-specific names with unisex nickname possibilities are the way to go for some, to give the child options.

If you think the BNGs are “heteronormative,” feel free to create a few of your own. No one is stopping you. Also, you state that you’d like to see “less division between the male and female gender and less of the idea that everything is either male or female.” Well, what would that look like on a baby naming website? It’s nice to have an idea as to how something can be improved, but the admins can’t read your mind. You should provide solutions to the problem and/or practical applications of your idea as well. Otherwise you’re just complaining.

[name_m]Amen[/name_m] to this comment.

I don’t often venture into the [name_u]Baby[/name_u] Name Games, but I agree that offering DW/DW and DH/DH options is such an easy thing to do and can go a long way toward making people feel welcome here.

Have there ever been any LGBT+ blog posts on Nameberry? Naming stories from LGBT+ parents and re-naming stories from trans and non-binary Berries would be awesome. If anyone wants to write and submit some, I’m sure a lot of people here would love to read them!

ETA: Just rememberedthis poston another site from a lesbian couple naming their first baby, for anyone who’s interested. I love their posts and videos about becoming parents. Would be cool to see stuff like this featured on Nameberry.

Hello - I am an administrator on the Nameberry site (just started a few months ago).

I’d love to hear your ideas on blogs and how to make the site more LGBTQI friendly. So hit me up with ideas. :slight_smile:

(For example, would it be useful to set up a specifically LGBTQI friendly forum?)


An idea I had is maybe making the descriptions say masculine and feminine. That way it’s a description of which way a name leans and is perceived, rather than just “this is a boys name”.

You’d be surprised!

If it means anything I’m a happily married lesbian expecting our first child.

It seems that many of these baby sites are heteronormative. I wish there was one that was more gay friendly or gay positive or even just had more info for lgbtq+ couples as in advice as to how to answer the questions that are inevitable with no dad or no mom in the picture and how to handle having a family that is against the societal norms. But it’s not so bad here. I feel safe posting here. I was on another site and left after some gay bashing took place.

This would be great. :smiley:

I agree! I’m a probably? maybe? working on it but not concerned in the slightest? not hetero but also cannot stand the neutral name issue or how names are classified or described on this and many other sites. Personally, I’m in favor of not classifying names by perceived sex but doubt that’d ever be an option. The masculine/feminine idea is a decent one.