[name_f]Bethany[/name_f] might be pretty but she is shy and smart. She is teased but mostly ignored by her classmates. When the popular new girl [name_m]Jax[/name_m] becomes friends with [name_f]Bethany[/name_f], [name_f]Bethany[/name_f] feels their must be an alterior motive.
She learns [name_m]Jax[/name_m] has a secret and is determined to find out what it is and expose it to prove to her classmates, that she can stand up for herself and isn’t someone weak.
But [name_m]Jax[/name_m]'s secret isn’t something little its big even bigger then [name_f]Bethany[/name_f] could if imagined.
I would love if you would read the first chapter of my story (it is only a short page) on Wattpad. Here is the link:
https://www.wattpad.com/story/52998230-life-as-bethany Thanks!
Hello there,
It is a great first chapter and I can see that you are building up to a very interesting story, but there are a few ways you could make it better. I would add a little description to set the scene. your narrator([name_f]Bethany[/name_f]) is a high school girl add some flavor by making her sarcastic ([name_m]Jax[/name_m]'s nails were almost as black as Mrs. Rolowinski’s heart, that tyrant wouldnt buge even though i was only two points away from a perfect GPA) or a realist ([name_f]Every[/name_f] boy in our grade was fawning over her, they stunk of desperation almost as much as they stunk of [name_u]BO[/name_u]). [name_m]Set[/name_m] the scene, make the readers feel like they are back in high school with [name_f]Bethany[/name_f]. All in all though it was really good, i’m interested to see what you’ll have next.
Cheers,
The Tomato Box [name_f]Fairy[/name_f]
Hello there,
It is a great first chapter and I can see that you are building up to a very interesting story, but there are a few ways you could make it better. I would add a little description to set the scene. your narrator([name_f]Bethany[/name_f]) is a high school girl add some flavor by making her sarcastic ([name_m]Jax[/name_m]'s nails were almost as black as Mrs. Rolowinski’s heart, that tyrant wouldnt buge even though i was only two points away from a perfect GPA) or a realist ([name_f]Every[/name_f] boy in our grade was fawning over her, they stunk of desperation almost as much as they stunk of [name_u]BO[/name_u]). [name_m]Set[/name_m] the scene, make the readers feel like they are back in high school with [name_f]Bethany[/name_f]. All in all though it was really good, i’m interested to see what you’ll have next.
Cheers,
The Tomato Box [name_f]Fairy[/name_f] .ln
Are you looking for readers or people willing to read and edit your story? Because if you want feedback, I would love to give you some but I only will if that is what you’re looking for. I know I don’t like it when people critique something I didn’t want critiqued. 